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A/N: I'm not sure why I was compelled to upload
this here. This was the flop that I started for NaNoWriMo. Needless to
say, I never finished. I got to about 20k words and then was too angry
to continue. So now I'm editing/retyping it. Basically, the only thin
I'm really keeping are a couple certain parts, so updates won't be
incredibly regular. More like erratic. But I'm hoping it will give me
motivation to finish this.
When I first came up with this it was just going to be about John
Clarke and Tydus Harding, my two main protagonists. But when I was
first outlining the plot I didn't realize at first how effing boring it
was. I let the idea sit around for a bit and a couple months later,
after being in an advanced college-level english class at my school, I
knew the flaws in the plot that I could change up.
So I decided to add in an element that I know a lot about since its
difficult to write from the perspective of a Bisexual boy when you are
a straight girl. I added in the element of Gabriella, the older sister
whose moved out of the house and out of your life but doesn't
understand how you can change without her influence. Yes, I have an
older sister. Our relationship is a lot like John's and Gabby's,
although I think I'm a little more complacent in some respects, and
this is a mix of a piece that's not only meant to be exploring my
writing abilities, but also trying to establish more of an
understanding for the way my sister acts.
So sorry if your expecting a nice touchy feely romantic love fest with
puppies and butterflies. This is pretty angsty and dramatic. Although,
there will probably (eventually) be a lot of smut. Hooray!
Warnings: Actually, the only thing I think this chapter has is swearing. Oh, and suggested heterosexual themes.I'm Having Trouble Sleeping
"Do you hate me?" She asked me, fingers tracing circles on the inside of my wrist. It tickled a little. I slowly shook my head even though I wasn't sure if I was telling the truth or not. "I haven’t told him yet, Johnny. I'm scared he won't want it, I'm scared he'll leave me, or he'll want me to abort it. I know I don't… I don't want the responsibility, but I don't want to kill it, it deserves to live."
This is not happening. This is a joke, right? Candid camera? Or that rip off of candid camera that actor who married an actress twice his age has?
If there was ever a conversation I'd rather not have with my sister, it was this one. I raise my eyes and study her face and marvel at how alike we look. If she wasn't three inches taller than me and if her eyes were the same blue as mine rather than the brown they were, we could easily be mistaken for twins. We both have slightly wavy light blonde hair and freckles dusting our faces, albeit I have more, probably because I am the younger by almost four years. And, again, our difference of gender also stands in the way of looking too much alike.
“It’s not like…” She paused, her mauve lips poised open as if she was about to pop a grape into them, or like a dying fish gasping for breath. “It’s not like I’m too young. I’m nineteen. It’s just… I have so much ahead of me. I don’t… I mean, we’ve only been together for like, a little over a month. It… I don’t know. It’s hard, you know? I don‘t think I love him yet and… Ugh.” She interrupted herself again, bowing her head and running a hand through her hair that was almost as short as mine, although her bangs were straighter and hers was overall, cleaner looking than the messy fringe look I had going. I leaned back against the couch and rested my head against the top of it, letting my arm drape over the side and sighing momentarily.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I don’t… I don’t know why I told you I mean you don’t even really know him and your only 16 and you have your own things to worry about and it’s just… I couldn’t tell Carrie because she wouldn’t understand that I had sex with him after only a month. It’s like… I told him I wouldn’t do it out of wedlock. A little jokingly and stuff, you know me, I’m not really like that. But then… A friggin’ month later and there I did it, I fucked him.” I let my head drop down so my chin was against my collar bone and I studied the green sweatshirt I was wearing.
“Don’t you mean he fucked you?” I asked in a conversational tone.
“No, I got on top of him and fucked him.”
“Oh… alright then.” I didn’t want to ask anything more. I mean, what little brother wants to hear his sister talk about her sex life? I just found it interesting how she put it.
“Well, it’s almost ten.” She said and scratched at a scab on her thumb absent mindedly. “You can go ahead and leave, I know I’m being a bitch, just pulling you out of school like that, but I knew you probably wouldn’t mind that much, and I just… I just needed to tell someone. And you’re the only person I can really trust.” She groaned, rolling her neck over her shoulders and then sliding off the edge of the couch onto the floor in front of the rustic looking coffee table, fingers plucking up the can of diet soda.
I remember when she wouldn’t even go down the aisle in the supermarket that had diet sodas because of her abhorrence towards unnatural preservatives.
“He’s gonna be here in a few to pick me up for classes. I might just take him in here and sit him down and tell him, but I don’t think I’m brave enough.” She lifted her left hand to her eye and rubbed at it vicariously, frowning. “I’m sorry I ruined your birthday… I couldn’t hold it in any longer.”
Yeah, it was my birthday. Yeah, it was probably a bad day for her to open the flood gates on her private life for once in the past two years. Those were the days. I really miss how we used to be, before she went to college, when we were an unusually inseparable brother and sister. But I dislike even more the fact that she’s attempting to re-establish this connection by telling me she’s pregnant by a guy I haven’t met and I know neither of my parents have met. But I’ll deal with it, because she’s weird and somewhat insensitive like that (Although I don’t think I would enjoy a sensitive Gabby. A sensitive Gabby would drive me insane). And that I really needed to go to school today because it was currently late in May and I had a chemistry review this morning, the last real class before the final and she should know that but its okay. I’m sure I can explain it to my professor. Maybe it was really all a car accident. That’s why I’m going to be two hours late, right.
"I'll throw you a party tonight, since its Friday, okay? You don't really need to study or anything do you?" Oh, so she did know that I had finals.
"Well I need too but if I didn't go it's not like I'd actually study." I answered honestly. Ashes was the only one ever making me do my work, and that's because she's Stalin junior when it comes to school work, insanely devoted. Or something along those lines. I'm not big on Stalin. Oh well, I could probably cram an hour of studying before the test Monday morning with her help.
"Kay. I'll pick you up from the house at 7:30. And you better get going or you’re going to miss second block." She smiled in a sweet manner that only Gabrielle Clarke could pull off, and reached up, ruffling my hair. I nodded dutifully and picked my bag up after standing, slinging it over my back.
"Later Gabby. Good luck telling him." I told her, and knew that she understood that was the best advice I had because I wasn't good with these kinds of things, this relationship crap. Don't get me wrong. It sucks to be alone, but I've never really been in a serious relationship.