Mark Cossin Is Not His Mother

I stepped onto the train with my mother. As we were crossing the gap between the cars, I could feel her reaching for my hand, but she held back. It was like she was constantly afraid something bad would happen to me. I could feel the dozens of eyes follow us as we walked down the aisles, looking for a seat. It was nearly impossible not to tell that she was my mother; her flaming orange hair matched my own hair color perfectly and my eyes were slightly far apart, like hers.

“Honey, there’s two seats, right there,” my mother said, pointing to two empty seats next to a sleeping old man. She shuffled into the middle seat, generously giving me the aisle. “Move in, now. Come on.” I watched as the old man winked a sleepy eye and turned to face the window.

“Do you have my book?” I asked. I shifted uncomfortably and eyed a girl with brown hair and brown eyes. She must have been around my age, she looked fourteen or fifteen. She was very ordinary looking, but buried her face in a magazine, so I couldn’t get a good look. Typical teenage-boy thoughts ran through my mind and I wondered where she came from, if she was single, if she’d ever had sex before.

“Oh no, darling, I forgot it.” My mother took my face in her hands. “Here.” I sighed thankfully for her to have let go as she dug through her purse. “Read my book. It’s a good read.”

I looked at the light blue cover and immediately noted the pearls on it. “Lovely Bones,” I read aloud. Hesitantly, I turned the book back over to her. “No thanks.”

My mother sighed distastefully but put the book back in her bag. “Aren’t you excited to see Wicked?” she said, more like encouragement than a question. I smiled tightly and nodded.

“Yeah,” I responded. “And I’m really excited to see grandma.” I’d like to throw that bitch down the stairs. She belittles me every time she sees me. I looked up at my mother and smiled at her again. She beamed down back at me.

I placed my hands neatly on my thighs and looked around awkwardly. I checked my watch; it was 12:37.

This was going to be a long train ride.