I've known Dae all my life, yeah..all my life - seriously. I can recall moments in my childhood; they go that deep. I think we met when I was about five or six, and it's all because of my mother. Her old friend Staci contacted her in early July, and they hit it off again. My mom made plans for them to come over, and unkown to her at the time, she had a son over the years.

"Ashton, this is Derek, be nice to him, okay? You two better become good friends!" My mother jokingly said to me during our first encounter. Hah, it's funny how right she was. He's two years older than me, so I felt intimidated right away. I didn't approach him. I clung to my mother's leg, but she chuckled and tried to shake me off - it worked. Dae, as he likes to be called, just took one look at me and said..

"What's your favorite game?"

"Umm..Iunno, what's yours?"

"Hide and Go Seek!" He said happily.

"Oh yeah I love to play that too!"

Both of our mother's looked at one another and squealed in excitment.

"Oh, Cindy, look, they're going to the best of friends just like us!"

They hugged eachother and laughed.

"I know! I can tell right now, because Ashton is always shy."

My mom turned to me and kneeled down to get to my eye level; she smiled.

"Go play, Spence. Remember, be nice now."

Derek and I rushed out of the house and into my backyard. There wasn't really thing exciting there except the woods, so we went there to play. I knew the woods pretty well, because my mother would talk walks and I would sometimes tag along.

"I don't like my name. I think it's pretty dumb."

We walked as we talked.

"Really? I think Derek is a cool name. Mines dumber."

"Naw! Spencer is a cooler COOLER name."

"I don't like it that much, so I have my friends and my mommy call me Spence."

He held back a laugh.

"You call her mommy still?"

"Uhh..yeah? Why, what do you call her?"

"Mom."

"Oh...well, here we are. This is as far as my momm...mom will let me go."

"Okay, by the way, my nickname is Dae. My friends pick on me and go 'Hey, what DAY is it, Dae?' They're stupid."

I giggled.

"Okay, do you want to count?"

"Yeah - I'm an amazing counter."

"Okay, Dae. Count to thirty. Go!"

When I heard him say ONE I was gone. I kind of felt bad, because Dae didn't know his way away the woods, so I didn't really hide that far. I hide inside of this cavelike place. I don't really know how to explain it, but it was like a giant rock with a small opening you can fit two people in. I think it was manmade, but, who knows.

"Thirty, here I come! I'm going to find you, Spence!" He shout as he ran around. The weight of his shoes destroyed the leaves and twigs underneath - this is how I knew if he was getting closer. I paid close attention to those sounds, but they soon stopped.

Seconds went by, and I just sat there waiting for the noise to continue. It didnt, and I freaked out. I didn't want to blow my cover right away, so I told myself that everything was okay. When a minute went by I gave up. I ran out of the hole and shouted his name.

"Dae! Where are you? Dae!"

I felt a sharp pull, and I fell down.

"Gotcha! Haha!"

It was Dae of course, and he jumped from the top of the rock. I felt like a moron for blowing my cover, but I was happy that nothing serious happened.

"Wow, you really scared me, Dae!" I looked at him and laughed - well, we both laughed.

"You were going to pee your pants - weren't you!"

"No, I was not!"

"Yes you were, haha! I know you were, because you were scared!"

I blushed in frustration.

"So, you could have been eaten by animals!"

"Oh, you're funny, Spence. I like you."

He smiled at me, and something clicked. I don't know what it was, but..I liked it.

Now I'm 17, living on my own, living my dream, and having a great time. Dae is always with me, and he's my biggest supporter. Man, he's always been there to protect me, too. I don't know what it is with us, but we're very close. You know, I think I might be...now this might sound disgusting or..or I don't know what people think but, I think I might be in love with Dae. He's everything I've actually wanted in a person, but it makes me so confused. I don't know if I'm gay, or bi, or..what's the other one..pansexual. I know I'm not straight, but I want some closure.

Anyways, back to what I'm getting to. Dae is the perfect person in my eyes. He's very protective of me, like I said, and I think that's a sign that he might feel the same way. We've held hands as young teens, and why would a straight guy hold another guy's hand?

I think that's all I want to write today, though.
I just need to say it.
I love you, Dae.
All these years - I think I've always loved you ever since we first met.
Sounds crazy, but..yeah.
I love you.