This is actually a part of a series of poems that had been inspired by my struggle against depression and suicidal ideations - thus the name of the series is: SUICIDA ANTHOLOGIA. This'd be the first of probably 4 more. Basically the idea of this series of poems is to attempt to concretize what had been going through my mind back then when I was just so full of shit.

For instance, this particular poem - which is pretty close to my heart being a student nurse and being exposed to the unpleasant aspects of the profession - simulates this imagery of a nurse having care giver burden and deciding to end it all in one leap. I have actually thought about jumping off the 7th floor of the hospital where I go on duty.

Why jump, you say? You jump because once you do it, you'd never be able to stop. No one can save you. That's just how miserable I was back then.

Anyways, I hope it stirs something in the readers. Please try and get past the seemingly literal meanings and plain words and minimal use of symbolism.

Comments and suggestions are always welcome!

Maggie –

her shift ends at 6 a.m.

the ward has surrendered to silence

she can hear the barking

of the clock

on the whitewashed wall

too silent

5:40

she endorses the new

ulcerations

on Mr. Smith’s flank

and the cleaning

Mr. Cleaver’s chest tube

– it reeked

she signs her name on all things done

packs her things

she puts on her windbreakers

to cover the ominous coffee stains

on her uniform –

on her chest

and dashes off to the elevator

-

Maggie –

she works on the 3rd floor

confronts 2 elevators

one leads down to the lobby

the other, to the rooftop

lobby

rooftop

rooftop

lobby...

she takes a ride on the second

the first was too far

too slow

too late.

the countdown is set in motion...

4,

5,

6,

7 –

the doors slide

-

Maggie –

she looks around to see

if anyone walks

if anyone happens to be there...

no one.

she walks across the forsaken hall

to the terrace

to the ledge

drops her things on her feet

windbreakers off

and climbs

-

Maggie –

is on top of the world

7 floors up

and the horizon had just turned

luminous upon her

she looks down

and feels queasy

ready...

she lets herself

go

dives, plummets

10 kph and accelerating

gravity takes a hold of her

and there’s no turning back

-

Maggie –

flesh had become one

with the earth

and though the streets are crimsoned

as her fluids seep through the cracks

the sky is a perfect cobalt

and the world does not cease

-

Maggie –

her shift has ended

6 a.m.