They talk to me

Senseless words coming from their mouths

I hear their concern

But not the words

Don’t they see that I don’t care?

I don’t care what they think

I don’t care what they want

I stare at them

A fake smile glued on my face

That is so obvious

But they think it’s real

Short answers spew from my mouth

I don't even hear

All I think about is how they don't know me

How I could hide behind a mask

And no one would notice

Their lips close

And they flash a smile at me

As if I had answered all their problems

They don’t see that I don’t care

They are so concerned about what people feel

That they don’t consider that perhaps

People would actually want to know the truth

They compliment me and smile

But I don’t feel it

Because if I do well

They would say the truth

But if I do badly they would lie

And put on a smile that I have learned to detest

Tell me the truth

I want to yell at them

But I hide behind my fake smile

And become just like them

I look in the mirror

And I do not see me

I see their creation

A liar

A monster behind a mask

I can summon up a smile

In my saddest days

And even when someone I care about is in danger

I smile and pretend everything is the same

I am a void

A doll without a heart

Just a puppet

And I wonder if I will ever escape

If I will ever care again

My friend comes up to me

Asks me how my day was

Today I will tell the truth

I think

My aunt has cancer

I tell her

I have a stupid older aunt

And stupid grandparents

That I live in a stupid world around stupid people

That I am afraid of becoming like them

She looks at me in pity

And does not ask more questions

I want to challenge her

I want her to ask the questions I see in her eyes

I want her to stop looking at me like that

But I can’t

Because she has learned to be like them

I smile a fake encouraging smile at her

As if I were leaning on her for support

Pretending to be them

But underneath my mask I am crying and moving away from her

Because I don’t want her pity

I just want understanding

But no one will ever understand

Because they are not me

Their aunt is not mine

Because they don’t know how it is to live with the fear

That one day it might as well be them

With the cancerous ovary

The cancerous birthmark

The cancerous cell

That might end their life

Because they are them

And I am me

Because they are fake

And I am slightly more real