Sometimes I wonder if it’s just me. If it’s just something I did wrong. A sentence misspoke, an indecisive motion, a wrong glance. Did I cause this? Is this my fault?

These thoughts plague me like a bad case of sinusitis. They start to fade, to disappear, and then they show back up in full force and nock me off my feet again. They haunt me, when I’m awake and when I dream. They play over and over again in my head like that one catchy lyric and drive me mad.

I first noticed it after you left. The silence was deafening. I’d sit by the phone and wait for endless hours to hear your voice only to go to bed wondering what I’d done wrong. After sharing your heart with someone it’s not much to expect a little of their time. Is it? But then again, I’m new to this game everyone calls love. Forgive me if this seems like a lament for everyday occurrences, but for me, this isn’t.

To promise to love till the end, to share your life, is that not a serious thing? Not to be taken lightly and only said if one means it?

I mean it when I say I love you. It’s no joke when I say I want to spend the rest of my life with you. When I say I’d die inside if you ever died, I’m not just being cute or romantic. I’m serious.

And I thought you were too.

And yet, here I am still waiting on a call that will never come. Waiting for you to come home when I know its not coming any time soon. Why am I waiting you may ask.

Because I love you and I’ll wait forever for you to realize it.