|Angst in My Pants
Author: CHIIJOY PM
Boy likes Girl. Boy can’t get Girl. Solution for Boy? Steal Girl’s pants. How to get them back for Girl? Right off Boy’s body. [Insert Boy’s victory dance here].Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 61,476 - Reviews: 324 - Favs: 244 - Follows: 97 - Updated: 05-08-07 - Published: 01-04-07 - Status: Complete - id: 2299206
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Life was supposed to be full of action; a highway to be ridden all night long like the song—maybe the Rascal Flatts version. It shouldn't be waiting; a crappy month long of waiting that can cause a person to get stress pimples.
Well, it was only one stress pimple on the side of Evangeline's face, but it was still very annoying.
The glare that she was currently using had once scared a team of football players into apologizing for almost trampling her when they made their entrance for a school game—but it couldn't kill a pimple.
"Stop it, it's scary and I need to use the bathroom," Syd told her as he walked inside.
She rolled her eyes and went back into his room. She and Jimi had spent more time there than at home, even with her parents back. Along with avoiding her parents and their talks, she could gained breathing time from the suffocation that her parental grandmother had inflicted the second she had moved in from her home, a five-hour town over.
The hours of distance had made the relation bearable. It had kept her grandmother from coming over on a daily basis to judge—visit the family, allowing them a freestyle approach to things such as holidays, religion, and letting her to date whatever boy she wished.
Syd had been less than liked by grandmother dearest at her earlier and less time consuming visits but now that he had grown into a multi hair colored and pierced teenager and the someone of her granddaughter—he was even less liked.
"Are you going to go check in with grandmamma Ferrera?" he asked as he came back.
Evangeline groaned at the question. The other times she had went home after staying over at the Barretts', her grandmother had looked at her like she was a prostitute that had made a pass at her husband. Many of those times she had answered the stare, yelling that she didn't have sex with Syd the day before. The old woman cleared out when such words were tossed about—however she had to deal with her parents' making-sure-that-no-teenage-daughter-of-mine-is-getting-pregnant-before-she-is-married questioning afterwards.
The thought made her face-swallowing pimple shudder, at least she felt it.
"You know, since she already thinks that we're doing things…" he trailed off, leaning on an arm as he lay beside her on his bed.
She made a face.
"When you made comments like that with your second brain I fail to remember why you're my someone in the first place," she remarked dryly.
"But Gels I'm a boy!" he called out, falling back on the bed properly. "And you sleep in here with me. As in drool on the other side of the pillow, hog the sheets, and almost kick me off the bed at three in the morning, sleep."
Evangeline moved off the bed and towards the door.
"I sleep here sometimes," she corrected. "And it's good to know that you are a boy, you had me going at moments there, especially with your inhuman knowledge of hair dye products."
His face reddened a little before sticking his tongue out at her, showing his new piercing: a silver stud three centimeters away from the tip.
"That was a low blow, baby. You owe me like ten chocolate love pancakes for that," he stated, turning his back on her by lying on his side.
She went over to the bed and poked his back before pulling him up by the arm.
"Don't call me baby me when you act like a preschooler," she said, leading him to the kitchen. "Whoever thinks that I do things with you is insane."
"Ah, but the point is, love," he started slowly, releasing his arm from her grasp just play smack that! part 206 on her bottom. "You don't do things with me. I do them toyou!"
He said the last bit from a distance since she was now out for his blood. The things I do for her, he thought with a sigh.
"Syd, I'm going to murder you!" Evangeline yelled as she chased him down the stairs.
"But Gels, you're body is technically half mine anyway, so you can't get angry at me for smacking my own butt," he explained from a safe spot behind a pajama clad Wendy.
His mother watched the morning scene with a smile. Most of the time he would hide behind Evangeline's younger brother instead of her but Jimi had been very quiet and kept to himself during the past month. A frown appeared on her face from the last thought.
"Evan, have some breakfast for strength so Syd can go call Jimi down to the table," Wendy suggested.
Evangeline gave Syd a warning look before going into the kitchen.
"That makes it ten bouquets for Mother's Day," Wendy stated as Syd moved to the stairs quickly.
He turned around with an incredulous look on his face.
"You're still keeping track, ma? Fine, just put it on my tab or something," he told her, going up before the women in his life threatened his financial and bodily well being any further.
He knocked on Jimi's door.
"Dude, are you coming down for dinner?" he asked, turning the knob.
He went into the room and found the younger boy on his bed in the fetal position. Syd was at his side immediately.
"What's wrong little man?"
He nudged Jimi on the side then turned him over so that he could look at his face.
"Nothing," he answered back without looking at the older boy.
Syd inspected his expression. He was pretty sure that the problem had nothing to do with the parental issue since Evangeline would have been notified. No, it was something more sinister.
"Is it because of the communion?" Syd tried, knowing that the sudden religious impulse that grandmother dearest had forced would be traumatic for any child. "You don't have to have one if you don't want to. I mean, you can stay here if she goes after you for saying no…"
"It's not that," Jimi corrected, sighing.
His visual state was one of someone depressed. His smaller hands were on his pants. His curly brown hair was more mussed from sleep than Syd's own. The only response, other than breathing, that alerted Syd to his lifeline was the constant sighing. It was sort of like the kind of sighing that Syd did himself when he was pre-someone stage with Evangeline…
"Is it a girl?" Syd asked with low certainty.
Jimi's eyes turned on him and widened. He knew that it was too late now to change the story—there was nothing he could do would make the other boy think otherwise.
"Yes," he surrendered.
Syd's face broke out into a big grin then he realized that it meant he would have to do that whole bird and bee's thing with him and the grin dropped. His own father had approached the subject when he was thirteen, allowing him to ask any question he wanted. As good a route as it was, it didn't make the subject any easier. He still had nightmares at times about the awkward conversation, realizing that even his liberal dad could allow the talk to feel like having your cell's ring tone a la 'Let's Talk About Sex' play during church.
But then again, now they're comfortable enough to compare condoms, not that he was going to be using any soon…
"Tell me about her," he asked in a resigned voice, the thought of his old man getting more action than him somewhat depressing.
Jimi's face brightened at the opening despite Syd's lack of enthusiasm. He talked of her being glitter and pink roses; her eyes sparkling like Christmas lights and sunsets.
Syd looked at the younger boy warily. He would obviously have to find out by himself since the person that Jimi was describing was either a mythical creature or one of Francesca Lia Block's characters—but then again, the lady did mystical better.
He convinced Jimi to go downstairs with him and eat breakfast in the name of his siren/Weetzie Bat's' name. The other boy had run ahead of him, finally with a smile on his face. Once down the stairs and in his rightful place in front of chocolate pancakes, Evangeline leaned over and kissed him on the jaw.
"Baby, we can take this back upstairs if you want," he told her, wrapping an arm around her waist to keep her from moving away.
"You're stupid but thank you for Jimi," she whispered, with another kiss to his jaw.
She removed his arm from around her waist but kept her hand in his. She picked up her fork and ate slowly while he stared at her.
"Eat your food," she stated.
He gave her hand a little squeeze and rubbed his thumb over hers.
"Tease," he replied.
Even if grandmother Ferrera was the incarnate of pure evil—at least in Evangeline's mind—she didn't look it. She was in the middle of her sixties with a full head of pin straight gray hair that was always flipped and hidden under a sun hat, no matter what the weather. Both hips were still intact on the small framed woman which gave her great spy abilities when she wanted to catch a person in the act. Any act—just something to get that person under control.
Her grandmother would have kicked the wolf's butt in Red Hiding Hood
The wolf-butt-kicking woman opened the door, eyes traveling to the hand holding in front of her then up to the ring around Evangeline's neck, hanging on a silver chain.
"Grandma!" Syd yelled, going into hug the old woman tightly.
Evangeline ran past them up to her parent's room. Hilo, who had come out of the bathroom in PJs, spotted her. He cried out, Colgate that he missed in the clean, running down onto his chin, but she didn't hear him.
Her parents' room hadn't changed aside from the fact that it had. Two twin beds had replaced the king size one that had held Evangeline and Jimi's creation. The fact of which had been disturbing before but now without its appearance in the room, the place was unbalanced; an abandoned playground stark with its kid-less-ness.
Syd returned with his arm around her waist to steady her before brushing her hair away from her back and kissing her nape. He helped Evangeline down the stairs, as Hilo went to change. Grandmother followed the couple down grudgingly. They settled on the couch with the old woman sitting as far away from them as she could without falling off.
"Is this progress or what?" Evangeline burst out, frustrated.
She let her head fall in between her legs, trying to calm herself down. She felt Syd's fingertips brushing against her scalp as he combed through her hair slowly. Grandmother clucked her tongue in impatience, waiting for Hilo to come down the stairs. He arrived two minutes later at in a t-shirt and jeans. He settled himself between his mother and his niece's someone. Syd had coaxed Evangeline into sitting up and leaning her head on his shoulder.
"Stay pure," Hilo whispered his little mantra at Evangeline.
She answered him with a glare, putting a leg over Syd's until she had slid half way into his lap.
"Nena, get up right now!" Grandmother called out, grabbing for Evangeline's arm.
"Oh thank God," Hilo stated as the front door opened.
Mrs. and Mr. Ferrera had come through the door and stared at the scene before them with eyes wide open; the shock of which was akin to any scene on TV/in movies etc when people walked in and received half the story. Only it was worse because everyone was real and Evangeline's PDA was being a little too much-me with her someone.
"She started it," Evangeline said as she straightened, pointing to the old lady with as much venom as possible.
Syd reached a hand over and knocked hers down.
"It's better if you don't," he warned her from the side of his mouth.
She ignored his words and pulled both of her parents by the arm then into the kitchen.
"Is there something wrong? And don't tell me no because I'm not going to freak out, I'm sixteen. I'm nearly a legal adult—I can handle the truth," she stated, ignoring the call of 'you can't handle the truth!' from both Syd and Hilo.
Her mother opened up her mouth to speak but her father cut her off with a look. She watched as the silent conversation passed in front of her. Left out of the loop, she could only wait for it to be solved without her.
Or most likely stored away for later.
"You should go see Brody," her father remarked slowly, forcing her opinion out of the conversation. "He called today saying to call him back for something important."
The work of a person is never done, she thought, walking out of the kitchen with a last glance to her parents.
She gave Syd a soft smile and held out her hand; he watched her warily.
"Can you drop me off at Brody's?" she asked him, studying as his expression fell.
"You owe me a little something when we get home if I do," Syd remarked, smirking at grandmother in return for her dirty look.
"You know it."
Evangeline hip-shook her way outside, biting her lip to keep from bursting out loud in laughter. The only thing that was enough of a distraction from her parental problems was the laughs that came from threatening her grandmother with rampant teenage hormones.
Syd drove her there without trouble. Using the long way so that he could point out to her every, now and again, how much he missed the car when it had been under construction. With the Volvo in one piece, he could operate date missions with fail (i.e. operation: get Evangeline back to the roller rink for Titanic part two).
She looked over at him, noting how the bandana tied around his neck was her favorite color (green at the moment) instead of his (purple or baby blue at alternating times).
"You some kind of freaky, I don't tell you my colors yet you know them," she begin slowly. "You're really weird."
He looked over at her and rolled his eyes at the bad Willy Wonka (the remake) impression.
"I wear your pants and yet you talk to me about my scarves. You're the one who's weird."
She lifted her arm to punch him on the shoulder. He caught her hand, holding to make sure she wouldn't try anything and ran his fingertips over her knuckles.
"Be good when you're at Brody's okay? No hugs or kisses," he said all parental-mode.
She gave him a fake smile to knock him off her train of thought before ripping her hand out of his.
"I'll try to remember that when he leads me into his bedroom to get down and dirty," she fake promised him.
He stopped the car in front of the building, looking at her like he wanted everything. She returned the look with something fierce behind her eyes. He sighed and turned to the front.
"You better be good with Omar and Reggie or whoever. Look at the green and tell them you're owned," she teased, letting the hot air loose.
He smiled, letting his dimple stud catch the light coming down through the windows and into the car.
"Fine, I'm owned. But when do I get to give you my signature?" he asked, with a pout.
Evangeline brushed her lips against his cheek, and then got out of the car.
His downstairs brain is annoying, she thought.
Syd waited to see her enter the building then left. He obviously had another Ferrera to help but it would have to take some preparation on his part.
Brooke buzzed Evangeline. She felt that there was something different about the day on her ride up the elevator—something raw and wrong. It was emphasized in the way the sun shone too brightly through the windows before she walked down the hall to Brody's condo.
When she knocked on the door and was pulled into a room full of boxes she had an Alice in Wonderland moment, feeling the frustration it was to talk to people when they were rushing about or moving too slow and talking in riddles.
She walked into the condo, seeing that the door had been opened by Brody's mom who went back to standing outside, wet hair blow drying in the wind, after she gave Evangeline a welcoming smile. Brooke carried something in a box to the front of the hall before she saw Evangeline and dropped it, moving to her side.
"Finally! Brody called hours ago for you," she burst out.
Evangeline hugged the other girl back with less intensity than what was given to her. She stepped back when Brooke didn't get the fact that she wanted to inhale, and then had to physically remove her from around her neck. She took in a deep breath of air then glared at Brooke for being too forceful. She felt the moisture on her shirt at the same time the wetness of Brooke's eyes came into her sight. She embraced the girl again and didn't pull away when it got too tight.
"What's wrong?" she breathed into her hair.
"Oh gosh… you should talk to Brody first. We went to get you when you didn't answer after a while. I'll just go call him," Brooke stuttered, pulling out her favorite poker smile for Evangeline.
The older girl gave the younger one final squeeze before letting her go. She went over to sit down on the couch, dodging the many boxes on the floor before falling onto it. She could hear light sniffles from the kitchen in the direction of where Brooke had gone. Her fingers went up to the silly ring hanging from her neck; she touched it absently as her mind drifted.
For some reason all she saw was big noses as her mind blanked out.
The only thing that came close to the awesomeness of music and chocolate pancakes would have to be park swings. Syd had went back home in search of Jimi but had found out that the younger boy had sneaked off to the park with Barkley. So not only was his plans for the little Ferrera ruined but Jimi had also kidnapped his baby.
Sledgehammer pounded through his speakers with Peter Gabriel all, 'I wanna be your sledgehammer, why don't you call my name?' because he was sort of upset and didn't want to be thinking crazy thoughts when listening to hisRamones. Not at Jimi and his little boy problems but at his someone. He knew Brody was just a friend and trusted Evangeline but he wanted his enemy to go away—but not in that cement-shoe way.
He just wanted a little something to keep her from running to him whenever he called—something to make her pull from her side of the rope a little.
His name was hissed from the bushes. He shocked by sound then was pulled into some greenery.
"What are you doing here and where's Barkley?" he whispered, he asked Jimi.
"I didn't really bring her, it was just an excuse. She's in the basement sleeping," the younger boy answered quickly.
Jimi held up a branch in each hand to keep himself hidden. He had dirt smeared on his cheek like he has been there for awhile. Syd pulled his scarf higher on his face and tried to peek over the bushes but was dragged back down by the wild kid beside him.
"Haven't you ever watched spy shows?" Jimi asked suddenly. "You're not suppose to let people see you when you're watching them."
"You're on the stalking stage already?"
Syd's clear blue eyes widened at the thought. He himself had never felt the need to pull a Cry Me a River video shower scene—at least as of late.
Been there done that.
He put a hand over Jimi's shoulder to peak above his branches as they watched; or rather Jimi did while Syd tried to figure out which one of the little girls they were watching.
One of the mother's had chased a ball into the bushes only to see Syd with Jimi in front of him and his hands on his shoulders. She went over with the ball and whipped it at his back.
"Run, little boy, run!" she called out as she tried out new defense moves on Syd.
"Stop it!" Jimi called out. "He's not a pervert; he's my sister's boyfriend."
He looked at the panting lady, at Syd in the grass splitting out a leaf from his mouth, and the little girl who had ran away with friends once they had heard the word, 'pervert.'
"And now she's gone," he continued, his lower lip pouting to show his displeasure. "Let's go home, Syd."
"I'm going to tell my girl on you," Syd muttered under his breath as he hugged his hurting ribs.
The mother's eyes flashed towards his in a glare.
"What did you say?"
"I said God bless you and your children too," he returned brightly, grabbing a hold of Jimi's arm and moving towards the house.
He let the younger boy open the door for him even though he took forever since he was in a sucky mood. Syd went for the couch as the sounds of Another Brick in the Wall asked for 'no dark sarcasm in the classroom.' The sound of the phone was heard as he had unzipped his hoodie and placed an arm over his eyes to block out the stupid light.
"Honey, Evan's on the phone for you," Wendy called from the kitchen.
He groaned loudly and motioned for a still upset Jimi to get the phone. He positioned his arm so that he could see the younger boy's face. He could see curly peaking out from underneath the hoodie of the boy's own pullover. He wanted to laugh a little but didn't think that Jimi was in a state to fully appreciate the emo kid reference that was playing in his mind.
"Put it on speaker, please," he said instead.
He heard the button click then a loud sound of a nose being blown.
"Syd…" the voice trailed off and broke.
He snapped up into a sitting position and turned off the speaker phone.
"Do you want me to get you? Wait there, I'm coming okay?" he told her.
He went to the kitchen for the key bowl Wendy always put his keychain in when he tossed it onto random places when he came home. He was allowed a step through the door before he was pulled back by Jimi.
Hands were wrapped around his legs, holding him in place in front of the door. He thought of the crazy mother with the pervert complex and shook the boy off of him.
"I don't want to get hurt again by any more crazy old ladies so if you want to come use your words, no matter how sucky it feels right now," Syd told him.
Jimi breathed out calmly.
"Let's go pick up, Evan," he said, with prepubescent angst laced in his voice.
Syd smiled, the world was as it should be.
So Brody wasn't going to win any sort of Best Friend of the Year award. Not with the Evangeline ditching and Syd fighting. But he is her person and when it comes down to it, a best friend can love within flaws and quirks. Plus, by staying out of Syd's curly multicolored hair even when provoked a certificate of some kind should be awarded. Evangeline and Brody were good, they were great even. So the fact that he was going to be moving, out of the frickin' province moving, was a little alarming.
"What the heck?!"
She had been asking that question for the past ten minutes but had yet to receive a response. He had come back home, saw her light expression and the boxes, thinking the worst. Thinking that she wouldn't miss him—now she was missing him too much.
"Why are you leaving?" she asked after she had gotten a box of tissues.
Brody sighed, running a hand through his hair, red locks running through his fingers like a Pantene Pro-V commercial.
"It's because of him—"
She jumped out of her seat, hands around her necklace. Brody's eyes flashed down to it before he rolled his eyes and pulled her back into her seat.
"I'm talking about my… dad," he told her.
She nodded for him to continue.
"We're going to start over away from his friends and everyone," he explained briefly.
She looked at him with that 'you're not fine with this' stare. He gave answered with a 'doesn't matter if I am or not' shrug. She swore at the inconvenience of body language in her head.
"I can't deal with missing your face on top of everything right now."
Her words came out as a whisper which he left unanswered in the verbal. He gave her shoulder a squeeze before reaching for the phone behind him and giving it to her.
"What about Julie then? You can't just Seth Cohen your way out of a relationship."
Brody raised his brow in amazement.
"You're really that desperate to keep me here?" he asked conversationally. "I might just pack you into one of these boxes."
She punched his arm lightly.
"Fine, don't you go hitting me," he continued. "Remember that black eye I said that I got when I went on that camping trip?"
She nodded remembering the story about the crazy wild bird chasing him.
"Yeah, that was her brother's autograph. I broke up with her since… we just burnt out. Then he came after me. He was a fricking giant too. If I was smaller I would have gotten more than that."
She grabbed the phone, after a round of laughter, and headed to the kitchen. She dialed the familiar number and choked up when she heard Syd's voice on the other end. The anesthetic had run out, leaving pain to pour through. She could only breathe out his name then blew her nose with a tissue. She was disgusted with herself at how needy her voice came off but she was going to crash if he couldn't be her morphine, ephedrine, or xenon, stat! Evangeline went back to Brody with the only ace she had left—small talk—avoiding the subject of convincing him to stay of course. The 'no' was expected. She was her person after all, not family—even when in drowning water freezes blood.
Syd had broken a trillion laws when he raced over to Brody's. He had also lost Jimi in the corridors a few times but he finally made it in front of his enemy's door. He had a strange sensation to split on it but suppressed the feeling for Evangeline. He ringed the door bell and it opened quickly. A body was pressed to his. It took him another second to realize that it was really Evangeline in his arms, instead of the mirage he was more willing to believe, clinging to him. He watched as Brody jumped over boxes before landing in front of the pair. Syd's arms finally came around encircled Evangeline's waist. Brody nodded to him then squeezed his person's hand before closing the door.
Jimi was out of his own misery when he his sister's sad face came into view. She pressed her face against Syd's scarf to clean it. Once ready she reached down for her brother's hand—pausing to give Syd a look for Jimi's wardrobe.
"It's not my fault that I'm a trendsetter," he stated, biting back a wince as he posed.
She rolled her eyes at him then grabbed his and Jimi's hands; letting a good two out of three of her boys lead her back home.
The four of them were lying on Syd's bed: Evangeline, Syd, Jimi, and Barkley, looking like a One Tree Hill four corners type poster. She had explained on the way after much annoying from Syd about how Brody was moving. The punk had been ecstatic, blasting any piece of music he could find on the radio. He even sang Bohemian Rhapsody with a middle aged lady who was waiting at a bus stop.
Now he and everyone around him was emo. He reached over to the side to caress a napping Barkley's ears in his emo-happy way.
"Stop being so cheerful about this," Evangeline told him, moving a hand over her eyes to block the brightness of his smile. "At least stop looking so positive."
He took a minute to fix up his face; it was smile free when he lifted his hand to hold hers—brushing her chest in the process.
"I'm going to destroy your downstairs brain," she promised, arms coming down to protect herself.
Syd's smile broke out again.
"I'm trying to distract you from thinking too much."
Jimi made a gagging face at the couple and love in general then reached to block out the easy listening music from his ears. Syd groaned.
"Disgust!" he said. "They're supposed to wait until we are out of the house to do things like this."
He blew her a kiss before rolling off the bed and walking out of the room. He followed the tell-tale baby making music to his parents' room, and then knocked loudly without receiving an answer. He opened it with closed eyes but could see nothing when he finally peeked into it.
Okay, he thought in confusion. They're not going to be discreet about this?
He heard voices coming up from down the stairs before heading in that direction. He could hear his father and mother talking in low voices from the backyard.
"You're being irrational," he heard Wendy say. "We're already together in that way. What is another sheet of paper going to solve?"
Syd moved closer at the words, swearing inwardly. It was bound to happen since joy is mostly relative. Like a position on a wheel of: happy, sad, mad, and the sweet etcetera. The day gave him an ace with Brody moving away and then had followed up with this spade. Happiness was too fickle a thing to count on.
He heard his dad sigh as he moved closer.
"I can't do this anymore with you if you're going to keep Coyne's name for the rest of our lives. It's not cute being second to a married rock star. I want you to have my name. I want you to give a little bit more."
Syd paused in his tracks and turned around, hands on ears to block out the answer. He knew that, no matter how his mother answered back, his position on lovely happiness was about to be given to someone else.
And no one should been forced to watch/and or ear that.
Firstly, this is the end of this part of Angst in My Pants, not the end of Syd and Evangeline's story so hold on since I have a few things to try out before I continue with them. But I feel as thought (through my brainstorming) that they have so much more to do and they still need to grow so yeah, I won't and can't leave them.
Second, this is my first finished original novella type story and I love everyone who reviewed, peer-edited, and just kept me going. I would put every name here but I wouldn't want to miss out on people, but know who you are and know you are all loved.
Thirdly, I would like to thank music, especially Pink Floyd, the Ramones, The Flaming Lips and others that I have put in the story, love, wrote, and danced to, but do not own.
So I'm signing off on this one since I'm going insane with homework and everything. But remember that nothing is guaranteed, like the chap explains, so if you want more leave an 'add oil' in a review and ask for it.