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Just Us
It wasn’t that he was wearing lipstick. And it wasn’t that there were people staring at him for wearing lipstick. No, it was that he looked pretty damn hot wearing lipstick, and that I wanted to kiss him, right then and there, with the entire school looking on.
“You’re wearing—”
“Lipstick. Correct. I think it looks just smashing, don’t you?”
“What the fuck,” I said slowly, as if talking to a particularly slow toddler, “are you doing at my locker?”
“Waiting for you,” he replied, as if it was the most obvious and natural thing in the world to do. “I want to walk home with you.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I do not walk home with boys that I do not know. Now move aside. I need to get to my locker.”
He sighed dramatically. “You don’t go out with boys you don’t know, you don’t walk home with boys you don’t know, you don’t even talk to boys you don’t know. With that kind of attitude, I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew any boys at all.”
“I don’t,” I answered shortly, not able to think of a snappy answer to that. “And I don’t want to either, so move aside.”
“Fine.” He pushed himself off the locker, and started walking away. “But if you ever change your mind, you’ll know where to find me.”
“I don’t,” I muttered. “And I won’t be changing my mind either."
It had been more than a week since the locker incident, and since then he’d always managed to be ‘in the same area’ as me for enough times during the day to irritate me. He was even in the library (my sanctuary, and goddamnit how did he even know I spent the majority of my time in there?) during lunch, but at least he kept his distance in there and sat with his friend, a girl named Anh. But he was so persistent, and I was so irritated, I finally relented a little bit and began eating lunch with him.
“Fascinating,” I grumbled to my chicken burger when he remained silent after that sentence, waiting for a response on my part.
“Aren’t you even remotely interested? Personally, I think my parents were expecting a girl, but when they got me they thought ‘What the hell’ and—”
“Thu,” Anh intervened, and I silently thanked her, “Taylor’s in a bad mood right now. Stop talking so much.”
He pouted. “But talking is a part of my nature. And besides,” he added, “Taylor’s always in a bad mood.”
“But she’s in an especially bad mood today. She got an eighty-nine on her bio test.”
“No way. That must be so horrible. But hey,” Thu chirped, “if it cheers you up, I got a ninety-three.”
“Shut. Up,” I growled. “An eighty-nine is not something to laugh about.”
“Of course not, especially if it brings your grade down a whole percent to ninety-six. God, you must be dying inside.”
“She’s feeling really down, so stop making fun of her, Thu. You’re so insensitive.”
“God! You two!” I threw the rest of my chicken burger away in the trash can, narrowly missing Thu.
Thu grinned, completely unfazed by my anger or his near encounter with my half-eaten lunch. “Where are you going?”
“The library. And don’t follow me.”
“I don’t follow you—”
“Yeah right.”
“I just always happen to be in the same area as you. That means,” and he put on a dramatic look, “that it’s our destiny to end up together.”
“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.”
He only laughed.
“Are you sure your goddamn name doesn’t mean ‘annoying,’ ‘irritating,’ or ‘fucking oblivious to other people’s moods’?” I snapped, bitchier than I’d meant to be.
Eyebrow raised, he propped open his Spanish book and stared at me across it. “Did you get in an argument with your dad today?”
“What—how—” I tried to glare at him, but failed to. I was more surprised than angry.
“I can tell. You’re always really bitchy when you’re irritated with him.”
“Yeah, but I’ve never told you anything.”
He shrugged. “Sometimes I see you in the parking lot arguing with him. You’re always in a worse mood than usual after, so I just figured.”
I flared up immediately. “Has it ever occurred to you that things like that are none of your fucking business?”
“I’m sorry,” he replied, mild despite my outburst. “I didn’t mean to pry, but it’s not as if you’re exactly discreet about it.”
I blushed, knowing that he was right. He probably wasn’t the only person who knew about my fights with my dad. Anybody within a twenty food radius could have heard us when we were arguing, probably. Embarrassed, I stared at my bio book for a while, unable to think of anything to say. When he didn’t say anything, I looked up. He was looking at his Spanish book, but I could tell he wasn’t really focusing on it.
“He told my brother to get out of the house today,” I muttered, not sure why I was telling him but feeling a little better telling someone about it.
“Yeah?”
“He’s only twelve, and—” I broke off.
“And you’re worried for him?”
I sighed. “Not really. I know my dad is all bark and no bite at all. He’d never kick my brother or me out, but when he gets angry…” I trailed off and drummed my fingers on the wooden tabletop, trying to think of words. Thu waited patiently. “When he gets angry,” I finally began again, “he just says a lot of stupid things, and I hate it because it makes Nathan cry. It used to upset my mom a lot too.”
“Used to?”
“She’s dead.”
“I’m sorry.”
I looked up at him, remembering how many times people had said that to me since Mom had died. He was looking at me, straight in the eye, and he didn’t add anything about how bad he felt for me or how hard it must be. We stared at each other for a while, and then I broke the contact, ducking my head to look at my book again. “Thank you,” I muttered.
“For what?”
“For listening to me bitch about my dad.”
“No problem,” he said, grinning, and went back to studying his Spanish book.
He said, “Grammar freak,” but I ignored him.
“I know he loves us, but he just doesn’t know how to actually, like…do anything about us. Mom used to do everything for us.” I said this last part quietly. “Like if Dad got angry she’d know how to calm him down and how to get Nathan to stop crying. Or if I was being a real bitch that day she’d tell me to just stop it, and then ask me what was wrong.”
“You really loved her.”
“Yeah… When she got sick, I was so scared because I didn’t know what I would do without her. And now she’s gone and sometimes I just feel so fucking clueless, because I can’t calm my dad down or I can’t get Nathan to realize that sometimes he just needs to shut up and not piss my dad off in the first place and—”
“Taylor. Breathe.”
I took a deep breath. “I just…Oh, shit, I’m starting to cry.” I sniffed, turning my head away and trying to wipe at the tears starting to leak out of my eyes.
Thu lifted a hand, and I thought for a moment that he was going to pat my back, or maybe even pull me into a hug. But he just let his hand drop down next to mine, and I remembered that he’d been pretty good about letting me have my personal space ever since I’d informed him that I hated being touched in any way, shape, or form. I kind of regretted that right now.
“It’s okay to cry, you know,” he said after a while, a bit lamely. He didn’t seem like he knew what else to say, and I didn’t blame him. Crying people made me uncomfortable too.
“I hate crying,” I snuffled.
“Um, all right…”
“I look really ugly when I cry.”
There was something that sounded suspiciously like a snort of laughter, which Thu hastily tried to conceal as a cough. “You look ugly when you cry? That’s why you hate it?”
“Yes.” By this time my nose was clogged and I was breathing out of my mouth. I wiped at my eyes even more furiously, trying to stem the tears. “And I can’t breathe when I do it, either.”
This time he didn’t even try to conceal his laughter. This time, he actually pulled me into a hug. I stiffened at the contact, because the only person I’d ever let hug me before was my mom. Then he patted my back, a little awkwardly, and I gave up and just cried into his shoulder.
Later, when I was done, he cupped my chin and tilted my face up. “Hmm…” I thought he was going to ask me if I felt a little better. “You know, Taylor, you really do look rather unattractive when you cry. Your face is all splotchy and your eyes are so red I’m sort of scared, and your nose is—”
I punched him in the stomach, but it didn’t hurt him much because I was still leaning against him. “Shut up, asshole,” I snapped, not sounding as convincing as I’d liked because my voice still sounded too much like I’d just cried. “Just because you’re so damn pretty—” I stopped, embarrassed at what I’d said.
“Oh, so you do think I’m pretty.”
“Don’t tease me.”
“Or what?”
“Or…or I’ll cry again!”
He pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me again and humming. “I wouldn’t mind, if it meant I got to hug you again.” I slapped his shoulder, and then buried my face in it to hide my blush.
I was walking towards where Thu and Anh were sitting together the next day at lunch, laughing about something, and literally stopped in my tracks when I saw what exactly it was they were laughing about.
“You’re wearing—”
“Lipstick. Correct. I think it looks just smashing, don’t you?”
I only gaped at him. “I don’t fucking believe this.”
Anh laughed, presumably because of my shocked expression. “Don’t you think it really looks good on him though?”
“I…” He did. Thu’s lips were, in my opinion, the most feminine thing about him. And currently, they were a darker shade of red than usual. It was startling to see so vibrant a color against his pale skin. It wasn’t the first time I’d wanted to (I was surprised to find that this was true), but I really, really wanted to kiss him.
He seemed to read my mind, because he grinned at me and said, “Taylor, are you possibly thinking about kissing me? Because if you are…I wouldn’t mind.”
“Fuck no.”
“Oh, you’re such a priss. Just because I’m wearing lipstick—”
“Just because you’re wearing lipstick? Do you realize that most of the school population is currently staring at you?”
“I’m disappointed in you, Taylor. I thought you wouldn’t care if I wore lipstick, but no, just because I’m a boy I can’t? God, and all this time—”
“Thu. Shut up. It has nothing to do with that.” It has more to do with the fact that I am trying to contain myself and not be all over you here in public.
“I might have to consider not being your friend anymore. This is really a blow, I mean—”
I grabbed him by the collar of his T-shirt and crashed our lips together.
“Shut. Up,” I gritted out when we finally broke apart.
“If I don’t,” he was breathing a little heavily, “would you kiss me like that again?”
“No, you fucking idiot, I’d sock you.” Our faces were still only a few centimeters apart, and I could see his lipstick-covered lips (god, so tempting) curve into a smile. I relented a little. “And then maybe I’d kiss you.”
“Really? Then could we skip past the part where I talk a lot and go straight to the part where you kiss me again?”
“If you want to kiss me so badly, do it yourself. Christ, are you expecting me to—”
He kissed me, and I felt the heat shoot all the day down to my knees, making me feel a bit weak on my legs.
It might have gone on for a bit longer, but Anh coughed behind us and said, “Umm, I hate to interrupt you two lovebirds, but everybody is staring at you—”
“I don’t think Taylor really cares right now,” Thu said without looking at her. But he did pull his lips away from mine and started nuzzling my shoulder and humming. I’d discovered he did that when he was particularly happy about something.
“—and, Principal Miller is walking over in our direction, so unless you like the thought of making out during detention, I think you two should move apart.” Thu reluctantly stepped back from me. “Like, far, far apart.”
“How far is far?” I said, not really snapping because I was too busy focusing on Thu’s lips.
“Try twenty feet.”
Thu sniffed. “Oh, relax, Millers is already looking away. It’s not as if we’re the first couple to go at it outside during lunch. And we were just kissing.”
“Excuse me?” I sat down on his other side. “Since when were we a couple?”
“Since you kissed me!” he exclaimed.
“I thought you were supposed to ask me about this, not just—just spring it out of the blue!”
He pursed his lips. “Now really. Don’t you think it’s the proper thing to do? After all, you’ve just robbed me of my virginity—” I sputtered, “Okay, well, lip virginity, or whatever. Still. It’s only right that you go out with me after that. I have a reputation to uphold.”
“Thu, whatever reputation you had went out the window when everybody saw you wearing lipstick.”
He pouted at me. “Are you saying you don’t want to be a couple?” He let his lips quiver. It would have convinced me, if I hadn’t already seen him do it a half dozen times and knew that he was more likely to burst out laughing than crying.
“Oh, stop being a baby. I didn’t say I didn’t want to be a couple. I just wanted you to at least ask me or something.”
“Is that all? Fine.” He slid off the bench and got on his knees on front of me. I groaned. “Dearest Taylor, I don’t have a ring or anything…but I could buy you one. What kind do you like? Just don’t make it too expensive or anything because I only get ten dollars every week for my allowance—”
“Get to the point.”
“God, you really know how to ruin a romantic mood, you know?”
“…”
“Fine. Dearest Taylor, would you agree to be my girlfriend? And if you refuse it’ll make me really, really, really sad, especially after you just kissed me in front of about a hundred students and almost got me in trouble.”
“Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend. But I did not get you in trouble. If you hadn’t worn that damn lipstick, I wouldn’t have wanted to kiss you!”
At this, Thu turned around on his knees so that he was facing Anh. “Dearest Anh, besterest buddy ever—” She snorted. “If you would agree to help me by lending me lipstick and teaching me how to apply it, I would love you for the rest of my natural life.” He glanced over at me. “In a completely platonic way, of course.”
She smiled sweetly and asked, “And why exactly would you want me to do this for you?”
“I want you to do it because Taylor just said that she wouldn’t have kissed me if I hadn’t looked so damn hot in lipstick—”
“I did not say that, goddamnit!”
“Whatever. You implied it. So, Anh, how about it?”
“Hmmm…” She pretended to think about it. “Okay, but only if you promise to take pictures of the two of you kissing and share it with me.”
“Deal!”
“Hey!”
“Don’t protest, Taylor. Just think about it. Now you’ll get to see me in lipstick as often as you want!”
“Oh, my heart is just leaping in joy.”
“What?”
Thu fiddled with the edge of his T-shirt, an unusual gesture for someone normally as self-confident as him. “Did you really care that I wore lipstick today? I mean, did you think it was really weird?”
“Yeah. But I didn’t care.”
“Are you sure?”
I looked up from my book. “Why do you care?”
“I mean, I know it doesn’t matter. But—”
“You think maybe I’d be freaked out by it and not want to go out with you or something?
“Well, yeah.”
“You idiot, if I was, do you think I would have kissed you? Or that I would have said yes to going out with you?”
He shrugged. Then he seemed to cheer up, and be his normal self again. He asked me, “Taylor, if…if you weren’t a girl and I wasn’t a guy—” I stared at him. “I mean, if you were just you and I was just me and there wasn’t any question about stupid things like gender… What would there be?”
I frowned, and reached out a hand hesitantly. His was lying on the table, halfway between us. “There would be…” I placed my hand on top of his. “I guess there would be…just us.” Something like a sigh escaped him after I finished. I got the feeling that it was a happy kind of sigh because he smiled.
On the wooden tabletop, our fingers interlocked.
Fin.
Thu is a Vietnamese name that means “autumn.” It’s pronounced the same way as the word “to.” It can be either a boy’s name or a girl’s name, but it’s more often a girl’s name.
Anh is another Vietnamese name. I don’t know the meaning and I don’t know how to describe the way it’s pronounced, but sometimes people pronounce it the same way as the name “Ann.”
