Warning: Anything that isn’t mine isn’t mine. Resemblances to actual people is coincidental, except when intentional. Yes, one of the two hosts is based on an actual person. And yes, this is the RSU, which is actually just HALF owned by me.

Note: You are about to experience a fictional sport. And one that requires having natural wings to play. Thus, sadly, none of the readers of this story will be able to aspire to be…professional wingball players. This is not a match, this is the beginning of the league. And please note that “Exordium” is used because I prefer it to either “Prologue” or “Intro”, but it means the same thing.

EPIWL Forever

Exordium – Before the Wings are Spread

January 10th, 2025, Nu’u Sara, Ai’a’ivea, Earth

For the first time, a logo is seen on television. It’s animated. A strange ball, elliptical, but with rounded ends (not like a football) is flying through the air. An Ai’a’ive, or human but with birdlike wings, does a midair flip kick and kicks the ball. It zooms until it starts going through a hoop on a post, and then the logo stops there. A male voice booms, “Elite Professional Interplanetary Wingball League!” The Elite Professional Interplanetary Wingball League is the name that a lot of the galaxy will know it by. Some have other names for it. French speakers nickname it football aerien, for example.

“The game entails trying to get a ball through an enemy’s hoop. The hoops can be of different sizes, sometimes giving different point values. The ball can be kicked around like soccer or carried like is sometimes done in rugby. Each team has twenty members on field, and may have up to six substitutes, unless special field rules apply,” continues an explanation of the game, given by a female voice. “One of the unique features about Wingball, connecting to its village roots, is that the fields can be unique. While the league insists on a specific size, and the same number of hoops on either side, this is where it ends. That and the four periods of twenty-five minutes in each game. Some fields double as soccer fields, and therefore are flat. Others have tall trees that have to be navigated around. If a field seems lopsided and unfair, just remember that when a period changes, the sides change. The people who took wingball pro are into soccer, hockey, and rugby, so elements of those sports had seeped in. But the Wingball tradition lives on. Including the fact that Wingball is one of the few professional sports with mixed teams. Again, this is a tradition that came from the sport, or you could say sports, that evolved into wingball. Also, due to the requirement of being able to fly, Wingball is not for everyone to play. But besides Ai’a’ive, other races such as Faerians also play.” Scenes showed an intense wingball match. “And fights and tackling do happen. The only clothing that Wingball athletes wear are ie lavalava or sarongs, and jerseys, or in some cases puletasi or dresses for the women.” A scene of a beefy purple-winged woman bulldozing into a quite tough man is shown, and he drops the ball, only for one of the woman’s team-mates to grab it.

“And that’s how I like it,” said a man’s voice. Two people are sitting at a desk, a female Ai’a’ive with dark hair, a pearl necklace, red wings, and a green puletasi with lighter leaf patterns, and a male human with a slight paunch, white hair, a baseball cap, and a loud plaid jacket. “I like sports that are tough, where wimps are eaten for breakfast and barfed out at lunch. And I like that nobody here wears a helmet, or worse, one of those stupid visors. I joined this team because Peia, I want action, I want fights, and I want things to get nasty. There ain’t no such thing as a friendly match, eh Purple?”

A low bark was heard. The camera shifted to show a large Anatolian Shepherd, who wasn’t purple at all but a light brown.

“Well, the local Elite team, the Lili Island Jewels, are not Scouts. Did you see the brutal tackle that there upward forward Milo did against Viliamu of the Sara Railroaders?”

“The Railroaders? They are wimps. They’re stuck in the First Division. And their goalie Lu wears a bicycle helmet. The Railroaders ain’t nothin’. Tommorow’s match between the Jewels and the Poru Pummelers from Oava’ia’i will be the real test. I can’t wait! Don’t let me down!”

“I’m sure there won’t be a letdown for you, Don Lemon!”

“Alright, this match is tomorrow at the Sara Vaosa Sportodome. If you can’t be there, you better watch us, because we’ll be there!”

“Yes we will.”

“Alright, all of you at home, stay at this channel, because after the commercial break, we will be interviewing the guy who makes it possible!”

COMMERCIAL BREAK----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Alright, we’re back, and about to interview my kind of guy, Peia.”

“And who’s that, Don?”

“Elite Wingball Comissioner Manuali’i To’oto’o Ai’a’ive!” With that a well dressed man in his early 20’s walked into the studio. He had his hair in a large afro, and wore a couple of ula or leis around his neck. He sat down.

“Thank you for inviting me here.” He said. “Elite just started recently.”

“How recently?” asked Peia.

“This is its second month. The matches that these teams played to get into Elite predate Elite.”

“Had the teams known, would things have come out differently?”

“Of course. Everyone would be playing even harder, because this is now the top level in the galaxy.”

“Alright, time for a real question. How many teams are there? And are there fights?” asked Don.

“Right now, there are sixty-four teams in the Elite. It amy change. And here’s the fun part. So may the teams. Our founders decided we’d follow European soccer leagues for a model. One problem with the North American system is sometimes they give incentives to the worst teams to do even worse, because of the draft system. If a team has no shot at being good, they do really bad just to get the top picks. That is not right at all. They use the carrot, as I believe they say on Earth.” He produced a traditional chief’s staff. “In the EPIW, we use the stick! As for fights, there’s not supposed to be. But visit any traditional Ai’a’ive village, and we’re on so many planets you have no excuse not to, and you see how intense our games are. So in this league, we have two referees, who have the whole playing field, and four cornermen, who patrol the corners, as the name suggests. We do allow certain moves, but not everything, and attacking someone who neither has the ball nor is trying to get it is sa. That is to say, forbidden. But this is not a game for the weak.”

“And that’s good, and glad they don’t all wear those wimpy armor and those sissy face visors!”

It is an option, but nobody wore any protection in the villages, why would they change here?”

“You’re a man after my own heart. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”

There was a slight chuckle. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy the games. Things are set up to be fun. And my partners depend on it.”

“Partners?” asked Peia.

“Yes. There is me, the commissioner, and the various sponsors. Being interplanetary, we have sponsors from throughout the galaxy, some big name, some not so big name.”

“And where do you see the Elite going?” asked Peia.

“Up. Only up.”

“Alright, nice to see you, for sure,” said Don Lemon.

“Fa’afetai,” added Peia.

“And now, before we sign off, we have to see what you’ve come to see. Scenes from a practice of the Jewels.”

CROSS-FADE----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We see a group of Wingball players on the ground, wearing sarongs and jerseys (and in some cases loose dresses for female players.) The color is a kind of rainbow scheme, inspired by the colors of the Seven Sisters. A whistle is blown, and they take off, and assume positions in the air. Another whistle sounds, and they start moving. The theme from Rocky starts playing, complete with trumpets.

“It’s quite tough, really,” said a male voice-over. “But there’s nothing like the thrill of flying with the ball, and scoring.”

The screen switches to show a man, in his late teens, wearing the uniform with the name “TIKI” on the jersey, and beneath it “Captain” in fancy writing. There is also the number 25. He had a bald head. “I’ve been in for only two years, and I’ve only become captain this year. And now you will get to witness some of our practice.” He took off.

A whistle sounds, and someone in brown, wearing a baseball cap with “Coach” on it, throws the elliptical ball into the air, and the Wingball players go at it.

Another scene shows them flying around posts and through hoops. A closeup of the coach is shown each time the whistle is blown. The camera shows a player dressed differently, in gold and silver, with white wings, and identified as “Gorilla” and number 1. He grabs the ball and flies in a menacing pattern while other players try to surround him. He throws the ball forward, past most of the players. Then the camera follows the ball, to a female player with long braids and “LIA – 42” on her dress. As the ball gets closer, it slows down, the music stops, and the ball approaches her. She spreads her wings and her arms, and straightens her legs. Every flutter of her dress manifests itself in waves. The camera suddenly pans around her, with a “whoosh noise,” and then things speed up, and she does a triple backward spin on the spot, kicking the ball with intense force. Another camera catches the ball rushing through a hoop. Green lights around it flash. An airhorn sounds. “GOAL…ok, that was the five point hoop, but still good. Lia Aveolela Ai’a’ive is one of our best strikers. Back in First Division, everyone would try attacking her, or at least making sure she didn’t get the ball. If she grabbed it, though, you’re safe, it’s her kicking the ball at speed that you have to watch out for. There was the Railroader defenseman who tried blocking it. He just went through the ring with the ball, because the ring was big enough. He should have just tried deflecting it. As a captain, I’m confident in our team.”

A few more scenes from the practice are shown.

A voice over of Peia is heard. “So this is the best we can give you now. But we’ll see you at the game.”

“And only one team will win, the other will just get beaten up, and that’s my kind of game,” commented Don Lemon. Credits scroll by amid more scenes of the game. The last scenes fade, as a picture of three creatures with beaks, rabbit-like ears, and long tails appears. Below them, is the letters “ISN.” A male voice announces “This has been a Three Hoopies/ISN co-production.” A whistle sounds as it fades away.

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Shoutouts: The usual. Especially Showstopper. And in a way, his fictional televised wrestling series may have inspired me to come up with this fictional Ai’a’ive sport. Anyways, I have no idea what the first actual chapter will be like (and I haven’t even come up with all the rules, but some rules are “special” according to the field), but until then….

PEACE OUT!

Ra’akone