“God Will Let Me Love”

What is there that I can give this world without love?

How does existence expect me to dignify myself without a reason?

Why do I have to perform any job without motivation?

No reason to go home is my problem.

No reason to earn money other than to keep from emaciation.

But extinction guarantees God’s love.

What more could I want?

What more could I beg for?

Love.

I could beg for love and forgiveness for not believing in it.

I could beg for the mercy of the Lord to shine on my life and me.

Never.

I will never beg for anything in my life.

But I will definitely look for it on my own behalf.

I will look for love and succeed.

Just to spite the Lord and his meaning for me.

I will not be spiting the Lord, though.

I will only be spiting what I thought of as the Lord.

I thought of the Lord as vengeful.

But naught is that truer than that he is merciful.

And that he will forgive me of my sins against Him.

And that he will always love me in life and in death.

And that although I still do not really believe in Him,

He will provide love for me in this lifetime because that is my reason for being here in the first place.