Vicky

January 23, 2006

Period 2

Relating an Experience

I expected to come out of the movie completely impressed at what I had just witnessed; to be almost enthralled with such “a classic.” I expected to be thinking about the movie for days afterward, replaying the scenes in my head over and over again, and wishing I could see it again.

This movie did do all of those things, but not for the reasons I wanted. You might notice several times in my unfocused journal entries, I talk about the movie Brokeback Mountain. I mentioned several times how it didn’t come out around this area for over a month after the movie was released because people don’t like the concept. I’m alright with concept, to be honest. I never thought the idea was wrong. I just wanted to see the movie.

Ask any of my friends about how I’ve been for the last month. I have been talking of this movie for, literally, weeks. Every day had me mention this movie. It was a monotonous cycle of me speaking of what different quotes from the movie were, or of something Jake Gyllenhaal or Heath Ledger said in an interview about this movie. I have been obsessed with this movie for such a long time. It makes me so sad now to think of how many days I’ve wasted thinking about this movie.

In case you are unfamiliar with this movie, I’ll give you the 411 on the basic idea. The story is of two cowboys, Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) who take jobs herding sheep on Brokeback Mountain for the summer. This all happens in 1963. It follows them forming a connection, both familiar with hardships in life. However, things get complicated when their friendship becomes something more, and they find themselves falling in love with each other. Their story ends in a tragedy.

I’m well aware of how controversial this movie is. That controversy is probably one of the reasons the movie appealed to me so much. Not so much for the fact that it was two men, but because it was a love story that is in such uncharted territory as far as cinema goes. The bottom line is that this movie became the obsession of my life on December 14, 2005 when I first watched the trailer for it. That was the beginning of a very interesting journey to seeing this movie.

“So, I was on IMDB last night, and I found more quotes from the movie!”

This is one of the many comments I have rattled off over the past month (just for the record, IMDB is a website, formally known as the Internet Movie Database, or I couldn’t help it. I got so excited when a new fact surfaced online about the movie, or of how this particular critic didn’t like what the movie was about and I could complain about how he or she didn’t know what they were talking about. I never cared if critics didn’t like the fact that it was two men. I was only interested in the critics who continuously spoke of how incredible this story was, or of how it so deeply affected them. I was being bias. How? I didn’t want to hear anything negative about the movie; I only wanted to hear about the good things, and the compliments. I was favoring one side without actually having seen the movie.

“Okay, so last night I read an interview of Michelle Williams’s, and she said how she didn’t like what happened to Heath Ledger about those pictures.”

Even things that didn’t even have anything to do with Brokeback Mountain in particular had me doing cartwheels because I was so excited. Michelle Williams plays a character in the movie, and the interview I was speaking of wasn’t even ABOUT the movie. It was just about her. However, anything I could lay my hands on that I could slightly connect to the movie I found, and I was happy.

On January 14, 2006 (notice exactly one month after I discovered the movie), I found out that the AMC movie theater in Hamilton had started playing the movie. I was making breakfast at this time, and I could barely finish it after I found out this news.

“Guess what came out?” asked Kelly to me and Annie, as I flipped scrambled eggs over in the frying pan.

“What?” I said in unison with Annie, hardly daring to hope even though I had an idea.

“Brokeback Mountain!” she told us.

My insides started doing the conga. Those two words made me so happy. I grinned to myself. Now, the only problem was that I had to figure out a way to ask Kelly if I could go with her to see the movie. Kelly was the only way I could see it, since it’s rated R, and if she said no, then there was nothing I could do about it.

I waited until later that night when Kelly was on the computer in my room, probably checking her emails. I was on my bed, pretending to read a book, and trying to think of a way to spark the conversation while sounding casual.

“Kelly?” I said apprehensively.

“Yeah?” was her reply.

“When do you think you’re going to see Brokeback Mountain?”

“I don’t know. Soon.”

“When you go, can I go with you?”

“Uh, sure; I guess so.”

“Thanks,” I said, turning back to my book in an attempt to take my mind off of the happiness that had just overwhelmed me.

“You do know what it’s about, right?” Kelly asked me, even though I thought the conversation had ended.

“Yeah, I know. I’m not concerned.”

“But I may be.”

That was the end of it. January 14th was a Saturday. Over the next week, every day brought the same types of comments.

“I think I’m going to see the movie this weekend!”

“I’m so excited to see the movie!”

“I think I’m seeing it on Sunday. Oh, please, let me see it on Sunday!”

Naturally, my friends tired of hearing about the movie. They thought I was insane for several reasons: one, all I did was talk about the movie, and two, the movie isn’t exactly going to be playing at the next children’s film night at the local movie theater, due to the type of material it contains.

I never once backed down. I am the type of person to stick to my convictions, and seeing the movie was one of my convictions. It’s one of those situations where you know what you’re doing is coming off badly, but you can’t help yourself.

Finally, Sunday, January 22, 2006 came. I went to the 4:00 p.m. showing at AMC with Kelly and my mom (who had decided to come along to see the scenery and to hear the music that was supposed to be great in this movie). AMC is about 20-30 minutes from where I live, I guess depending on the traffic. We made it there in about 25 minutes, and we pulled in to one of the many parking spaces in front of AMC.

I got out of the car, practically jumping with excitement over the thought of FINALLY seeing the movie, when thinking about it and hearing about it for weeks on end. We walked up the sidewalk to the doors of AMC. I really had forgotten how huge it was, having not been there for over a year (the last time I was there was November 2004 to see Finding Neverland). We walked over to the ticket stand to get our tickets, and we went through the doors that led to the concession stands and many theaters. We showed our tickets to the guy standing a few feet away from the doors so we could get in, and when we did, it finally hit me what I was about to watch. Suddenly, I felt a little nervous. Was I ready for this?

It was too late to turn back. I was feeling both excitement and nervousness. I don’t know which one was stronger.

We went to Theater 4, and there it was: Brokeback Mountain glowing in red letters above the doors. We walked through them, and looked over the many seats of the theater. We chose 3 a few rows from the top on the balcony, and I sat down. My mom and Kelly told me to save their seats while they went to get food from the concession stand. I sat there, and took out my cell phone. I sent a text message to one of my friends, and when scrolling through my contacts list got old, I put away my cell phone and decided to stare at my ticket stub. However, nothing I did kept me from feeling uncomfortable.

I was easily the youngest person sitting in that theater. Although I was aware how mature this movie is supposed to be, I didn’t care. I was willing to be mature enough to watch it, regardless of being the youngest person. Yet being the youngest person had its drawbacks. For one thing, I felt like everyone else’s eyes were boring into that back of my head, just wondering why I was sitting there waiting to watch such an “adult” movie. Also, being so young drew attention to the fact that I was sitting by myself. I just KNEW that they were wondering why I was sitting all alone. Finally, there were a lot of older people in the theater. My other thought was that they were thinking that I was going to be disruptive during the movie, as if at fourteen years of age, I didn’t know how to behave in a movie!

When Kelly and my mom finally came back, I gave a sigh of relief. For two reasons, if I want to be honest. On one hand, at least people wouldn’t think I was sitting by myself during the movie. On the other hand, I saw they were carrying food: pretzel bites with cheese, a small popcorn bag, and a soda cup. At last, the whole situation was finally taking shape.

I had forgotten about previews. How many things could POSSIBLY get in the way of me enjoying this movie? Maybe it was just me, but it seemed like there were more previews than usual with this movie. It probably was just me, but I’m not so sure. It definitely felt like there were about twice as many as there usually are.

“The Feature Presentation” popped up on the screen. My eyes were glued to it. I was quietly waiting for that entire obsession to finally be allowed to be released when I watched it. Then, the movie began.

The movie was over. About halfway through the movie, the thought that went to my head was, “Please, please, please let me like this movie by the end!” It never really happened. The way I’d heard it, the movie was supposed to unfold before me, not like I was being told the story. That didn’t happen. Also the way I’d heard it, I was supposed to be bawling my eyes out at the end when all you see is Heath Ledger (a.k.a. Ennis) staring at a postcard and two shirts and saying, “Jack, I swear.” That also didn’t happen. If I remember this correctly, I don’t think anything happened that was supposed to.

About a week to two weeks beforehand, I had been in a right state thinking that never would this movie come out around here. In my state of this mentality, I had decided to Google the spoiler for Brokeback Mountain. I read through it, thinking over what it said. It said all of the basic events in the movie, as a spoiler should, I suppose. If I had known I was going to be able to see the movie, I never would have read the spoiler. If this is one of the reasons the movie never really “took off” for me, then I’m sorry I read it. This is definitely the reason why I wasn’t surprised with what happened. But judging by Kelly’s and my mom’s reactions they weren’t that surprised either. What gives?

All that thinking, all that worrying, all that talking just set me up for a very interesting level of disappointment. This whole situation will seem trivial at some point in time, but for now, I can’t think of anything BUT that disappointment.

“All of that hype was probably just because it was two guys,” stated my mom on that car ride home.

“Yeah, probably,” I said to reply, “But I’m still so sad that I wasn’t the least bit shocked.

“You said you knew what happened,” my mom told me.

“I did. I read the spoiler. But I don’t think that’s why I wasn’t impressed. It was a short story, you know. And I read reviews of people who read the short story and also saw the movie, and most of them loved it.”

“I have to ask my friends what they all saw in it,” added Kelly.

“It wasn’t a horrible movie. Some of the parts were okay, but most of it wasn’t the greatest,” I said.

The keywords here are: the greatest. From what I understand, the movie should have been “the greatest.” It should have left me so utterly moved and touched that I would just fall in love with the characters of Ennis and Jack, and would want to see the movie a thousand more times. I was supposed to think that Ennis was the best character of them all, but that Jack was close behind. I wasn’t moved or touched. At least not in an extraordinary way. I didn’t fall in love with Ennis or Jack, and I don’t want to see the movie a thousand more times. I didn’t think that Ennis was the best character, though Jack was great as well; it was the opposite for me. I thought that Jack was the best character, but that Ennis was close behind.

My point here is that this movie was NOTHING like it was supposed to be. Instead of having a sense of reassurance at the end that the two would forever love each other, all I had was a sense of that the few reviews where people said it was nothing special were completely, 100 right. This wasn’t a happy thought. Actually, none of my thoughts were happy thoughts.

I was impressed by one thing: the acting. I was enthralled with how well Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Michelle Williams portrayed their characters, not with what a classic it is. I have been thinking about the movie fore several days, replaying the scenes in my head over and over again, but not because I want to see it again.

It was because I can’t get them out of my head. Really, I think the best thing about this movie was the acting, through and through.

I respect the opinions of people who believe that this movie is miraculous. Maybe those people saw something I didn’t. I can’t change my opinion, and I don’t want to. If I changed it, it’d be because other people think I should love it. Then it wouldn’t be my opinion. If I could shake the images out my head, I would. This whole movie has changed the way I think. Instead of having a “happy end-of-obsession”, I now have a sad one. This movie has just left me with a total sadness.

I have to learn not to believe the hype. I have to learn not to form opinions about things before I witness them. That’s what I did with Brokeback Mountain. I believed every word of the hype that was good about this movie. I formed an opinion about this movie before I witnessed it; I went into the movie theater sure that I was going to love every minute of the movie, and that’s probably the main reason why I got let down so hard. I had too high expectations. It wasn’t healthy.

Although I’m not happy with the end result, I’m glad I saw the movie. It has taught me a lesson: Disappointment happens. Don’t set yourself up for it, even if you don’t think it’s going to happen. It still could.

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Notice: This is something that I wrote last year for my Writing class. I think I did a pretty good job with it then, and I still read it every one in a while just because. I let a bunch of my friends read it, and my friend Ahnni said that she still digs it out every so often (she has a copy on her computer) for inspiration and because she likes it so much; she actually gave it to her mom to read, and her mom enjoyed it as well. I don’t know… My opinion of BBM has changed since I originally saw the movie. I now like it. But this was my opinion from a year ago, and it’s pretty interesting to look back on it. I hope you got something out of this, even if it was only minor.