THE MILITARY SYSTEM!
By: Outlaw-2

Welcome to The Academy! The place where the best officers reside, always ready to mobilize 24/7. The organization that does the impossible, possible for the Royal Chrysanthemum Police Force. The place where they live, work, and play, keeping them constantly occupied. Our workers are happy to be of service, no matter how big, how small, how redundant, hoe trivial the situations are. Or in this case-

“Akito! I’m going to kill you for stealing my underwear!”

“I told you it’s not me you overgrown boobs Kyoto girl!”

-misunderstood events.

Why, you ask? To be frank, such situations as you noticed earlier on occurred at least five times more often than the ruckus caused by faulty air-conditioners. In fact, things do not actually function like what a prestigious private military organization should.

“Akito, die!”

“Cut it out!”

Err…right. Well then, shall we begin recruits?

SITUATION 1
SIMPLETON…

Annoying; that was the word Akito Takayanagi could think of right now. Out of all people, he had to be chosen for repainting the Rifle Room. Of course, he was not going to do so alone; it would take almost a day’s worth of work to complete painting the room, once. Yes, you heard that right, Akito was told to double-layer the paint hence it would last longer. That was when a colleague of his, Tessa Schneider, comes into play; unwillingly that is. How about the rest? Well then, they have decided to play hide-and-seek with Akito; Tessa being the unlucky one.

“Awawa! Why me?” moaned the 1.65m tall German lass, while being dragged by the collar.

Brown eyes from the 1.72m tall Akito glanced at the petite Tessa, who wore a crisp long sleeved white business shirt and blue body hugging skirt that ends about ten centimetres above the knee, with a peaked cap donned over her long orange hair. Excuses, he thought. Akito then inspects his attire as well; a grey polo T-shirt, black straight cut trousers, and standard issue sport shoes. His arm that was dragging Tessa was beginning to strain. He turned around, wanting to lecture the German lass. However, all he had been dragging was a block of wood used for carving purposes.

“Who-what-where… Tessa!” Akito exclaimed, before noticing the petite lass hiding behind a pillar. “Come back here!”

Like a child, the German lass began running away from Akito while panicking. The brown haired Akito gave chase, leaving the paint cans and brushes at the door of the Rifle Room Like cat and mouse, the duo ran all over The Academy, and into various rooms. When the duo dashed into the kitchen, the main chef got hit when Tessa kicked a box of live seafood and it careened like an avalanche. While in the gymnasium, Akito found himself getting beaten up into pulp by his fellow partner Aoyama when he crashed into her with the power of Hercules. In the live firing area, the duo ended up as live targets, behaving like sitting ducks. Within the underground parking lot, Akito slipped on a puddle of engine oil, sending him careening into an engine bay of a yellow Mazda RX-7 with the hood hitting him. In the basketball court, Tessa got hit by the basketball in the butt when the friendly match that took place went out of hand, leaving Akito whacked into pulp, taking the blame. Finally, at the rooftop, Tessa was cornered with no means of escaping. Hovering over her was a furious Akito, annoyed from all those incidents.

“Tessa Schneider…” he said in a hoarse tone. “You’re going to get it from me…”

“No! No! I said no, Akito!” she yelped, waving her arms in a panic. “Awawawa!”

… … …

“You know Tessa,” said Akito in an amused tone. “You were lighter than I had expected.”

Squatting at one corner of the Rifle Room was Tessa, poking at the ground while emitting a much stressed aura. “Why me? Why me? Why me?”

“Aw, come on,” replied Akito. “Without you helping me, I would take at least two days to paint it twice. Come on, help me open the other paint can.”

The German lass caved in, and decided to co-operate. Akito winced as he opened his paint can. The odour coming from it was so strong, even a glue-sniffer could faint from it; and that occurred to Tessa when she opened hers. There she was, lying on the ground with black and white swirls for eyes. Akito let out a heavy sigh. He looked at the warning on one of the paint cans. Make sure area is well-ventilated. Brown eyes scanned the room; not a single window in sight, apart from the opened door, which was not enough. He glanced at Tessa once again, who was still knocked out.

“I lost my underwear while on the run from Akito-oh look! I can see Akito getting whacked by Aoyama with a barbell…” muttered the sub-conscious German before she snapped. “Oh no, I said it!”

Akto had indeed heard it. He hid in a corner, trying to stop his nosebleed. Tessa had caught him red-handed moments later.

“Well, it’s your fault for saying it!” he implied. “Now then. How are we going to ventilate the room? We wouldn’t want to see everyone turning into paint-sniffers.”

The German lass scratched her left temple. She was at wit’s end. Akito snapped his fingers; he had an idea. Grabbing one of the M16 rifles with live ammunition, he aimed for the higher section of a wall, and opened fire. Since the firearm had a suppressor installed, no one heard the gunshots. Several holes formed on the wall, sunlight entering from it. Satisfied, Akito returned the weapon back to its place, only to see Tessa flapping her arms like a hummingbird, in a panic.

“What?” went the brown eyes bloke.

“Awawawa! You blithering idiot! We’re screwed if Chief sees that! We got to do something, quick!” was Tessa’s panicked reply.

“We got to think of an excuse then,” Akito stated calmly.

The German lass cursed at him, annoyed by his calm composure, “You unruly cocker! What are you going to tell the Chief; a hamster just chewed the wall?”

“Well, the wall is made out of wood to begin with, “Akito implied. “How about we start painting the room, then we worry about that?”

“Right on! And fast!” went Tessa before groaning. “Why does this always happen to me?”

Soon enough, the duo began working on the painting; Tessa on the lower section, Akito at the higher section of the walls. However, even the painting process was a problem. There was no ladder for Akito to paint the top section of the walls. He had to make do with something else; he fixed the roller brush to a wooden pole, just long enough to reach the ceiling. That problem was solved, but not Tessa. There she was, lying on the ground, stunned out from sniffing the powerful paint odour by accident. Nothing was going well for them, and the situation was made worse when the air conditioner in the room went faulty. Hence, there they were, hot and sweaty from the immense heat.

“Argh! It’s bloody hot! Tessa, you keep painting while I grab two fans from my apartment. Hang in there,” Akito stated, dashing out of the sweltering heat.

“Why does it always have to happen to me?” the German lass whined.

… … …

It took Akito almost half an hour to grab the two fans…and a bicker with his partner Aoyama, ending up being beaten up into pulp… and a brawl with the head chef where he fought back, stuffing a salmon into the chef’s mouth after seasoning it with vinegar. However, that was not the current problem. It was Tessa he was worried about. He swore the German lass would have turned into a frankfurter by now. Or worse, a charcoal.

Akito was about to make his way into the Rifle Room when Tessa dashed out of it with sweat-drenched shirt, and crashed into him. As the two of them recovered, the German lass pulling Akito away from the Rifle Room, leaving him puzzled.

“Get up to your feet and run!” she went with a sense of urgency.

Brown eyes blinked, and followed what she had said, “Why?”

Before Tessa could give him an answer, a loud bellow was heard, sending chills up Akito and Tessa’s spine, “Tessa, Akito! You’re going to pay for damaging the wall!”

Akito turned his head around with a squeaky sound like a rusted hinge. There he was, Chief Craken, 1.83m tall in an attire like Akito but with a different hue. However, that was not the main problem; it was the M16 rifles Chief was holding.

“But it’s the hamster that bit the wall, not me shooting at it!” went Akito, sending Tessa falling face first when she heard it.

“What hamster? There’s no such hamster in here!” went Chief, beginning to open fire at the duo.

“I told you it didn’t work!” went Tessa, sending a punch across Akito’s face.

From the distance, the building of The Academy rumbled, wobbled, and shot itself into the air before hitting the ground once again. Civilians could only wonder what had occurred within the premises, until an explosion sent Akito and Tessa flying, landing on a branch of a certain city tree.

“Akito?” went the German lass.

“Yes?” he replied.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Ouch.”

“Akito, Tessa!” was Chief Craken’s hoarse, thundering voice similar to Thor.

“Oh no…” went the duo, meeting their fate.

Situation secured! Not…

---

Author's Note: Well then, here's the first chapter! As you may have noticed, Akito and his crew has made a comeback here! Anyway, I do apologise if the humour here is a bit lumpy for a start, but do not fret, it would get better as the situations go by! And you recruits! Do not try what Akito had did! Or you'll be screwed as well! Well then, I'll see you around!

Signing off,

Outlaw-2...
...The Forgotten Writer