A strange passion

I don’t really know exactly how to explain what this is. I’ll just call it a collection of various ditties, half poetry, half prose exploring romantic ideas like love and relationships.

(When did it first start?)

Passion One: Cages of the mind.

She looked up slowly as if just realizing I was there. Her bright blue eyes seemed duller at the moment as I recognized her feeling of recognition... or was it my imagination? Did she really remember who I was? I willed her to read my mind. There was a feeling I had for her and she once told me that she returned it, but I could never be sure... Damn me for being so insecure in that area.

She blinked and I couldn’t help but melt at the gesture. It was as if she was possessed by a goddess. Yet I could never tell her that. If anything she only wanted to be human... some reason she relished it. She was proud of ever pimple, ever bruise, every tear drop. And even now...

“Do I know you?” She said. “I mean... for real? Where you that...?” She didn’t finish. Her mouth formed a crooked frown as if almost teasing me to speak her mind. For one fraction of a second, I considered the power I had over her for knowing something she didn’t. But then that fraction passed and disappointment replaced my feeling of overpowering.

She tilted her head and squinted her eyes. “Is it really you? Dear?”

I panicked. So she did know. Was she only pretending before? Surely she had not forgotten what I looked like... but it had been so long... we had never really met like this. We had only talked in timed intervals. Freedom had never been open to us. We had been bound in cages. Society’s cages. Cages of the mind. So many cages. Or perhaps it had only been me.

She never felt caged. She had been one of the freer spirits I had ever encountered. Her very existence seemed to go against all laws of nature. Yet, little did I know that this was a cage too in and of itself. But she never seemed to mind.

I nodded as she waited for me to answer. She smiled with her eyes squinting up as if they were oral units themselves. “I’m glad.” She breathed and looked down again. “I never thought we’d meet like this... I mean I knew we’d meet but this isn’t what I imagined... like... I thought it would be different and a bit more… cheery… you know I…” She paused and looked up at me sheepishly. “I’m rambling again...” She stated and I couldn’t help but laugh.

We sat there in silence after that. I didn’t know what I expected. I wasn’t the most forward person. No, she was. I lacked the confidence she had. But then she lacked some things to. It was hard for her to plan for the future. It was hard for her to organize. That’s why the accident... That was why we were separated. That was why we never met like this... that was why the cages...

“I can’t offer you anything.” She said and I turned to her in shock. “You know that though, don’t you?” He eyes were boring into me and I looked for an escape. I looked away. She knew. I knew. We knew. The cages would always be there and none of us had the key.

Cages. If only there weren’t any cages then maybe there would never have been the accident. We could always meet like this. I would never doubt that she would still remember me. My insecurity would be gone and maybe I too would see her as human. But for now, she was perfect. And I was perfect. We were together. Her and me. Her and me.

We both didn’t believe in love but there was something we did believe in. Something indescribable. And that’s how it was. She smiled up at me as the wind blew her hair across her face. Her eyes were bright again and she slowly closed them as if relishing the way the eyelid swooped across the eye like a lace curtain in a window.

I might not ever meet her again and that would be ok. Damn the cages and damn me for damning them. She opened her eyes slowly and looked up again as if just realizing I was there.

“Hello.” She said.

“Hello.” I answered.

“It’s nice to see you again.”