Jonesing for some cheese chips

The other day
I walked in my door
And was greeted
By the guffaws
Of a live studio audience-
I looked around
In the places they usually reside
(Under the desk,
In the pantry looking for
Doritos that I don’t have)
But they where nowhere to
Be found,
So I went about my day.
I watered a plant
And fed the cat-
Canned chuckles again
Crept across my radar
I whipped around
And asked:
“What’s so goddamn funny?”
Uproarious laugher
And applause followed accordingly
I threw down the watering can
And drew my pistol:
(A gasp and a laugh)
I then went into a
Snappy rendition
Of Heartbreak Hotel
(Sporadic snickers)
I finished it off with a hip thrust
And screamed:
“Have you nothing better to do
Than sit so close together
And laugh?”
(Standing ovation)
I then
Fired the pistol
Directly into
The silent television
And all went quiet
Except for
The sound of my neighbor
Screaming in pain
One wall over.

(Cue humorous theme)