Something More

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Sitting here, high up in this tree,

Looking at the tree-filled, hilly countryside that is my home,

I feel complete, yet not.

I think about you and the crazy yet,

Childishly stupid situation that we are in.

Are we friends? Or “something more”?

These crazy thoughts are what puncture my tranquil state.

Random thoughts of you and the fun times we have,

And random theories of how things,

Like that,

Might change if we were, “something more”.

These thoughts invade my head, unbidden, yet

Not unwanted, any excuse to think of you is welcomed.

I’m not going to dwell on these thoughts but I know I can’t avoid them forever.

The clouds are covering the sun, and the wind is feeling cold.

The few dead leaves that managed to stay on their branches rustle in the just past gust.

My fingers are starting to get cold and,

My legs are falling asleep, as I sit here and think about,

What has been said by friends meaning well.

I try to fit everything together and figure out what I want.

The problem is…………….. I don’t know what I want.

Sometimes I just want your friendship, other times, you.

Sometimes I just want to know that you’ll be there for me if I ever just need a hug,

And sometimes I think that it would be nice if you were there for more………………………

What would happen if I chose “something more”?

All those times would still be there and probably more often,

(and if “something more” is what we truly want then happier),

but what would happen if it didn’t last?

How could I get along knowing,

that we might never be as close as we are now………

again?

Knowing that even though we are still “friends”,

my decision helped instill the everlasting awkwardness,

of a previous, serious relationship with you?

This is what my mind has been brooding over,

While the sun re-appears from behind the clouds,

And my dark sweater absorbs it’s heat.

I still don’t know what I want but,

I have made myself so cheerless and subdued,

That I don’t want to think these thoughts anymore.

For now I'll think of other things, erase you from my mind,

For the trek home over the hilly fields to my house,

Where maybe if I find the peace of mind to think rationally,

I will be able to think this through better and make up my mind between,

Now, or

“something more”