Smells

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These smells,
so familiar yet,
so foreign.

The sounds,
so normal yet,
so out of the ordinary.

The actions,
so routine yet,
so unfamiliar.

This is where I want to be.
Where I want to spend the tortuous
hours of the day.

With the people that I love,
The people who keep me going,
The people who support,
The people who are always there for me.

I want this to be my routine,
I want to know this maze
like the back of my hand.

I want to feel welcome,
embraced,
accepted
for my unique views and ways.

Not discriminated,
looked at sideways
because I don’t believe the same religion
And religious bull shit that they all believe.

Not smirked at for being myself,
as if I should be the one asking to feel
real,
“normal”

They are the ones
that need the wake up call.
They are the ones
who need to wake up and
smell the fucking coffee.

I am not the one in the wrong.

Hiding from yourself,
veiling your views,
“going with the flow”
because that’s what you’ve
been conditioned to do.

That is the crime.

I am not bad for not believing
in a cult-ish religion,
or speaking my mind,
or following my own views
and ideas.

This is where I want to be.

A place where everyone
is looked at sideways
for the same reason.

Because they are being themselves.

This is where I want to be.

With the smells
and the sounds
and the feelings
and the crowds,

I need to be here.
I am wasting away,
into the oblivion,

Into the abyss
if I may so call it.

The darkness will still be there,
My comfort,
my ever-lasting friend.

But I will
not
be engulfed by it.
It will
be engulfed
by me.

We are friends,
confidants.
Not enemies.
We are mutually needed,
by one another.

There can be permanent
happiness
in the dark.

It is there waiting to be invited in.

I need to be here.
I want to be here.

The rage is building
there is no way to let it out or let it go.

I need this,to be with
the people that
keep my heart
pumping...

The people that
keep the spark for the hope
of excitement
and real booming
unrestrained laughter
and good times alive.

Nowhere else
could I even fathom this
possibility.

I need to be here.

With these smells...

These smells of home.