Sittin' under a fuckin rock.

Can't move a fuckin' finger.

If I god damn well love her so much,

why won't I do anything to keep her?

Why am I waiting 'till she's gone?

Why can't I fess and face what I'm afraid of?

If she knew the person I really am deep down inside,

she'd regret the day she'd ever met me.

She'd burn and run raged with tears.

Tell me she hated me.

That I wasn't any different than all the others,

and that she was a fool for loving me.

Dear God! I love her, but I can't even show it.

I can't show her I care.

It feels like in my selfish way, I don't.

I hate her.

I can't fuckin' stand her.

She's just so depressed, and emotionless, and revolted inside.

...but...

She's everything to me.

And I'm nothing for her.

I'm paralized when we talk.

I'm just a fabric of ego, always masking the simple fact, that there's nothing inside.

I just want to be, but I'm not.

I want to tell her I hate her,

I want to tell her how angry she's made me.

I want to scream at her how much she' fucked things up.

I want to tell her I love her.

I want to tell her how she makes me feel loved.

I want to tell he that she means more to me then anything in the world.

That's she's my love, that I burn inside for her every single day.

I want to tell her that I believe in God,

and that i believe miracles happen all the time, and that I have irrational fears, and things that scare me to death that I can't shake free..

I want to tell her that I love her more than words can say.

I want to be everything to her, but I'm nothing to me.

I'm a fuck-up.

If she ever knew who I really am, she'd never forgive me.

And I'd deserve it.