Prologue:

“You should really look before you cross the street. You’re gonna get yourself killed someday.”

“They hit me, I sue them.”

When we were kids, my friend Jenna would say that so much I eventually stopped checking for cars too. Death became some sort of joke to me after that. Everything could be written away with humor and indifference. You’ll get sick. At least I won’t have to go to school. You’re going to break your neck. Then I’ll just have to be a bit crooked.

People always asked how I could have such a calm attitude towards something that seemed to scare the crap out of everyone else. I would just smile and shrug. I mean really, what do you say to that? Well, it could be ‘cause even on my best day I spend most of my time hoping I’ll die. How do you tell anyone you want to be dead, that you just don’t care enough to live?

So that was how I lived my life. Always just one step over the line and never looking both ways before crossing.

Notice that word. Was.

It’s funny how one event in a person’s life can completely alter the way said person view’s things.

My views were changed the day I was hit by a car. That’s when I finally realized I should have never listened to my old friend Jenna…

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Chapter 1:

It was a Friday in June, and the last day of finals. School was officially out for the summer. Summer vacation’s a strange time of year. All year you look forward to it, praying for it to hurry up and start already, but then when it comes, you spend most of it whining about how bored you are without school and the constant presence of your friends. I personally don’t care either way. School makes me want to kill myself. Spending all summer with my family makes me want to kill myself. It’s a lose-lose situation really.

I trudged alongside my friends on our way to buy coffee. Someone had come up with the idea of walking over to the nearby coffee shop after school got out to celebrate. I think that someone had been me, but I’m not positive.

I had five friends with me. I glanced up from my feet and at their faces. They all seemed so genuinely happy. I was jealous. I had worked out a nice method of laughing when they did and adding a word here or there so that it seemed like I was paying attention to the conversation.

My mind was really preoccupied by the finals I had just taken. I was highly confident my physics and Spanish grades would not be up to par. In a week, report cards would arrive in the mail and I could already picture the expression on my father’s face. Anger that would almost hide the disappointment. Almost, but not quite. I can deal with anger, but it kills me to disappoint someone. And I seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

I sighed.

My friend Ana frowned. “Everything alright, Leigh?”

I looked at her and smiled. “’Course.”

She smiled back and resumed her conversation.

I’ve learned in recent years that you could be lying in a ditch covered in blood, and if when asked how you are you reply with “I’m fine”, anyone will believe you. I find that rather sad.

We entered the establishment. Jason smiled at me from behind the counter. I nodded. Since starting high school three years prior, I had become a very loyal customer and most of the employees knew me.

“The usual?” he asked.

“’Course.”

Talking to Jason always brought my mind back to Scott. Scott was Jason’s younger brother. Scott was my ex-boyfriend. We had dated for a year and a half before he dumped me like a sack of potatoes. Told me I never paid attention anymore, I was always in my own little world, my newly introverted personality didn’t make him happy. He was right to break up with me. I didn’t pay attention, I didn’t laugh at his jokes, how could anyone be happy with me? I want him to be with someone that makes him happy…but it still hurts. A year and a half is a long time in high school. I wasn’t sure what to do after that ended.

Jason handed me my latte and I paid. I walked over to where the sugar was, scooping out the whipped cream that topped the coffee with my finger. I always ate that first. The whipped cream was replaced with five packets of sugar. Yes, I know that’s a lot.

I waited for my friends to receive their beverages before heading back out.

As I walked down the street, I couldn’t shake the thoughts of Scott. Just last week I’d seen him at the movies with his new girlfriend. She was very nice and very pretty. The tiny brunette with big blue eyes type. Nothing like me. Brown eyes, dirty blonde hair, pale skin. That was me. Boring.

I started to cross the street at the same spot I always crossed. Thinking back, I could hear Ana telling me to stop, but as always her voice was filed into the back of my mind.

A quarter of the way across, a horn blared. I looked up sharply. Too late.

The last thing I remember is one of my friends screaming.