She was beautiful, there was no telling that. Chopped short hair a shade of light brown so, it had a gray shimmer to it. Her face was thin, unnaturally thin, with skin so pale only paper could beat it in a contest. Her mouth was set in a scowling and determined straight line, and her eyes, filled with this cold fire that could send the bravest cowering in a corner. She had a towering presence that made you feel small, like she could step on you and grind you into the floor, but she was shy, insecure, in everyway. It’s interesting how opposites attract.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o

I’ve never been very good at writing out my feelings, heck; I don’t know why I’m even trying. But I am so deal with it.

I LOVE HER.

That’s the simplest thing I can condense it down too. I could fill pages with poetic phrases and such but that would just be embarrassing. Those things belong in locked books that your friends don’t know combination to. Let’s not even mention the fact she has the nice-ness of a crocodile with a broken tooth. (I swear her glare could seriously kill someone if she let it.)

Love is an emotion that can be a thousand different things in a thousand different forms. Love is friendship, romance, affection, adoration, worship, devotion, passion, care, respect and so many other words and values. So when I say I ‘love’ her, I can be saying multiple things with just one word. Which one do I mean? And do I even mean it? And what do I know about love? I’m fifteen years old! And I have these sarcastic little know-it-all voices in my head that are trying to tell me what to do!

That’s right voices. Get used to it.

I don’t even know why I like her, she is cold and shy. We’re polar opposites and yet infatuation. Sigh, cliché all the way.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o

I don’t really understand other people. I have friends, but I am not that close to them. Do not get me wrong, I’m not a cold person, I just don’t see how people can be so close when they only see each other at school.

If I was eighteen, doctors would declare me Avoidant and stuff anti-depressants down my throat.

Thank goodness I am not eighteen, and that I don’t believe in drugs that mess with the mind.

People say that the cafeteria at a high school is the ultimate social group divider, its not. My school is pretty friendly, there are no dramatic break-ups with lots of swearing and yelling in the middle of a crowed hallway, no ‘you can’t talk to this person because so-and-so is a freak’. It doesn’t happen here, I hate clichés, especially when there not true.

Most of the time I walk around to a couple of tables eating my peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich that I eat everyday for lunch, (if I eat at all) and talk to a few people before heading back to my classroom to read or work on homework. Will usually joins me half way through the lunch period.

Will is... Will. He’s like me, but only without my extreme personality. He can be effevestsent at the start of a sentence but bashful at the end. While I was avoidant, he was on good terms with everyone but we both enjoy the same things, cartoons, books, and internet.

Most of the time we just sit there in the classroom; we nod at each other at times but typically do our own thing. Today was identical until Will spoke up and said, “Um, can I talk to you for a sec?” Will was fidgeting. This was extremely un-Will like. This alarmed me.

“What?” I asked.

He fidgeted some more, mumbled some stuff that I didn’t quite catch. When he caught a look at my vacant face, Will did an eye roll and decide to take another approach.

And that approach was to kiss me.

In an empty classroom.

Needless to say I was a bit surprised.

o.o.o.o.o.o.o

When my lips touched Rose’s this was going through my head:

Oh. My. Goodness.

And put that on replay about a thousand and two times, but at the same time, I liked it.

I think was going into shock.

I had no idea what I was doing. I had gone from trying to explain to Rose that she was my best friend and if she wanted to do something this weekend to well, kissing her. I felt so embarrassed by it. There went any form of friendship. When I finally came to my senses and stopped kissing her. I tried to explain myself to her shocked eyes, but all it came out was half formed words.

I decided to make a run for.

I was half way to the door when Rose caught up to me. Then she did same totally unexpected, she put her arms around me and hugged me.

Rose hugged me.

Rose hugged me.

Was I dreaming? Did I trip on a desk and was actually unconscious bleeding on carpet? Hopefully someone would call 911.

But it wasn’t a dream, in reality Rose was hugging me and I was hugging her back. It felt really good.

I could get used to this, I felt loved in a way that filled a void inside me.

Good is the way I would describe it.