The Eyes, The Gaze

When the eyes are upon me

There’s that familiar scan

I dare not drop this mask

This confident grin. I can’t.

Beneath this cover

Is a drained, weary soul

Beneath this mask

Is a mad and determined ghost

The pleasure, the pain

The prizes, the gain

The eyes, the gaze

The expectations, the craze

The insanity, the crack

The shattering, the slack

The competition is on

I’m pretending to be strong

Arrogant, even, but I’m truly weak

Pressure’s made me vulnerable

But I can’t fall from grace

I shouldn’t be proud

But I am and I stand tall

Even if it’s killing me

The pleasure, the pain

The prizes, the gain

The eyes, the gaze

The expectations, the craze

The insanity, the crack

The shattering, the slack

I can’t crack and I can’t break

I’m already a shattered vase

When the eyes are upon me

I just pretend to be whole

There’s no room for weakness

Even less for mistakes

I have to play perfect

Even if it costs me

The pleasure, the pain

The prizes, the gain

The eyes, the gaze

The expectations, the craze

The insanity, the crack

The shattering, the slack

Behind the expectant glares

I reassemble the broken pieces

And make myself whole again

They can’t see my broken state

The shards come back together

And fuse into one again

As a mere mosaic

Of my ambition, my components

The pleasure, the pain

The prizes, the gain

The eyes, the gaze

The expectations, the craze

The insanity, the crack

The shattering, the slack

I want to slack off

But there’s too much at stake

I have to compete again

And reemerge unchanged

Even if on multiple

Multiple occasions

I crumbled behind the scenes

I can’t stop this madness

The pleasure, the pain

The prizes, the gain

The eyes, the gaze

The expectations, the craze

The insanity, the crack

The shattering, the slack

I want to say that it’s too much

But then I’d be lying

I enjoy this in a perverse way

And I can’t let take the top

I guess I’d just have to

Pay for all of these rewards with

The bone-shattering pressure

And the resulting pain