I kind of felt like I should re edit this today when I read it but I said I’d post it Sunday on my profile so I’m posting.

I don’t really feel like I’ve gotten back into the groove with these characters, especially not with Adriana and Matt who I realize have no personality. Let me know if Dakota’s too lacking and I will try to fix him up!

I really need to work on my transitions! –sigh- It’s good to have goals though I suppose. I hope this doesn’t feel like it’s going nowhere to you guys. I’m beginning to feel like that and I need to come up with a solution very soon.

All my love to my reviewers! I will try to respond to you guys individually soon!

Chapter Sixteen

The next few weeks nothing really changes. Charlotte continues to ignore me, my mom continues to work, my dad continues to drink. I meet Sidney in the library at lunch and I hang out with Adriana and Matt during the day and sometimes afterschool. Griffin manages to corner me for a quick kiss and grope with an alarming frequency and lures me into his room a couple times for more heated make out sessions. Most people ignore me now and the only ones who still seem to care that I’m a “fag” are Charlotte and Tony and a few of his friends. Griffin does an excellent job of keeping Tony away from me though and things seem to have leveled out, though nothing can get rid of the ache in my chest when I look at Charlotte.

“I’m so glad it’s Friday,” Matt groans at lunch one afternoon. “How do you think you did on that English test?” He asks us.

Adriana grins. “It was easy.”

Matt and I roll our eyes at each other. Adriana is always prepared for any sort of test that comes up. It’s actually a wonder she isn’t in the accelerated classes. Me on the other hand, I tend to forget all about school stuff. Though spending most of my lunch with Sidney in the library working on homework has been helping a lot.

“Hey guys,” Griffin greets, dropping down on the seat beside me. “Girlie,” he says, kissing me on the corner of the mouth.

“’Lo Griffin,” Matt says casually, and Adriana nods. It’s become pretty common for Griffin to drop by for a moment or two at lunch to say hi.

“Hey,” I mutter, trying to contain my grin.

Griffin smirks and pats me on the head. “Adorable.” I brush his hand away with a glare. I’m not a child. “So I was thinking, we should go swimming today afterschool.”

Swimming. Just the idea makes me feel content and I can feel a slow smile spreading across my lips. “Where?”

“Here at school,” Griffin shrugs, “Coach lets the swim team use the pool afterschool if they want. Nobody will be there but us though,” he smirks, giving me a look that sends a shiver down my spine.

“Sounds good to me.” I say, thinking about how nice it will feel to be in the water again. It’s been too long.

“Perfect. Meet you in the locker room after school. And don’t worry, I’ve got a spare suit and towel.” Griffin winks and gets to his feet, kissing me on the cheek before disappearing.

I can’t contain a smile when I realize he planned this in advance.

“Ooh sexy time!” Adriana laughs. “Maybe we’ll stop by and watch.” I gape at her, cheeks flaring. “Watch you swim of course,” Adriana laughs. “Dirty boy.”

“What the fuck is that?” Griffin demands.

I have no idea what he’s talking about and I pause with my shirt over my face. “Huh?”

I can’t see anything, but I can feel him suddenly in front of me, and when his hand reaches out and brushes across my side I freeze. Horrified, I realize what he’s talking about: the bruise from my father. It had stopped hurting over a week ago and was almost entirely faded by now, it’s no wonder it slipped my mind.

“N-nothing,” I stammer. I let go of my shirt and it falls back into place. Crossing my arms over my chest I scoot away from Griffin’s glare.

“Dakota.”

I rack my brain for an excuse. Something that Griffin will believe. The look in his eyes tells me I don’t have long before he’ll know I’m lying. “I – when Tony knocked me into the locker…” I explain halfheartedly. “It’s nothing. Doesn’t even hurt.”

Griffin shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. I watch the dark locks (he dyed them back a while ago) fall back into place and my heart skips a beat. Finally, he sighs. “Finish getting ready.”

Instead of turning away, he takes a seat on the bench across from me and stretches out his legs. Clad only in a small swimsuit, his whole body’s on display. From his muscled legs to his defined chest I can’t help but stare. Cocking an eyebrow, Griffin smirks. “Like what you see?”

I blush hotly and turn away. “Can you… leave?” I ask pathetically, suddenly feeling nervous about undressing in front of him, especially when he’s sitting there watching so blatantly.

Griffin chuckles. “Not a chance, Girlie.” I can feel my cheeks heating up even more and I don’t know why this is so difficult. I used to change in front of guys for swim all the time and it was never an issue. Of course, none of them ever looked at me like Griffin does…

“Aren’t you just the adorable blushing virgin.” He’s off the bench and in front of me, the words whispered hotly into my ear as an arm snakes around my waist.

“Uh.. Griffin?” I squeak as his hand snakes up the back of my shirt. His fingers trace down my spine slowly and the shudder and gasp that escape are completely involuntary.

“Fuck, you’re sexy.”

Before I can say anything, Griffin catches my mouth in a deep kiss. For a moment I sink helplessly against him, just letting him kiss me, and then my hands move up to his shoulders and I push back. The hand on my back pulls me close as his other hand inches under my shirt from the front and lands on my stomach. The skin twitches under his touch and I suck in a breath of air. My eyes shut as his fingers play across my abs, circling and dipping and darting up to my chest for a moment before slipping back down.

I moan and his tongue explores my mouth. The brush of his tongue against mine sends shocks down my spine and I push as close to him as I can, a hand buried in his hair to hold him tight.

But then his mouth isn’t on mine anymore and on my jaw and throat and he’s pushing the collar of my shirt back to latch onto my shoulder. I can’t think. My body is so warm and so pliant under his touch. All I can do is hold him tight and bury my head against his neck, sucking on the skin there to suppress another moan. It’s Griffin’s turn to groan loudly and he pulls his mouth from my skin and stares down at me. I meet his green gaze, darkened by lust. His mouth is red and his eyes are bright and I can’t help but grin.

Tracing his hands up my sides he kisses me firmly on the mouth before pulling my shirt up and over my head. Suddenly there’s nothing between our chests and when I press close I can feel his warm, lovely skin against my own. I want to kiss him again but he’s sinking to his knees, hair tickling my stomach as he nuzzles against me gently. My vision swims and my hands land on his shoulders to keep myself upright. Kissing the edge of my faint bruise, he moves down, paying attention to the skin right above my waistband. I’m very aware of how excited I am as his fingers make quick work of my buttons.

His hands slip beneath the thick fabric and my knees turn to jelly. “Griffin.” I huff, trying to quell my reaction, but he just laughs breathily and inches my jeans down, taking the boxers beneath with them. He kisses the bits of skin as they’re slowly revealed and my body thrums with barely restrained anticipation. He pointedly avoids my erection and when his mouth closes on the junction between my hip and leg I can’t stop a wanton moan from stumbling out as my whole body clenches and jumps. He doesn’t stop me as I sink down onto the bench behind me.

He continues pulling at my jeans until he’s got them off completely and chucks them beside me on the bench, along with my socks. I sit there in front of him, completely naked and turned on and barely caring.

I lean my head back against the lockers and shut my eyes. This is all so new and if I was in my right mind I’d be very embarrassed right now, but instead I focus on the heat and the desperation and even with my eyes closed my world spins. I feel his hands tickling back up my legs and then he whispers in my ear, “Lift your hips.” I do as he says mindlessly and then he slides my swimsuit on.

My eyes fly open and I gape down at him.

“See, that wasn’t so difficult was it?” A cold wave crashes over me. His smirk is lazy and the obvious bulge he’s sporting tells me how turned on he really is. Still, embarrassment fills me as I realize what he just did.

“I – you-” I pull my legs back away from him, suddenly feeling much less turned on. Shame washes over me. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy it, he was just playing around, being himself, I justify. I … just, we’ve never gone that far before and to know it was just a game … stings. I don't really want to make a big deal out of it though because I don't even know if it is a big deal, it's not like I have any experience in this type of situation. So instead of saying anything, I do my best to shake it off. “Let’s go swim.” It comes out hoarse and slightly choked and I can’t get out of the room fast enough.

“Hey, wait, Dakota!” Griffin yells after me, following close behind. “I was kidding! I wasn’t going to leave you like that.”

He really doesn’t get it.

I drown out anything else he might try to say with a smooth dive into the pool. And suddenly it’s like I’ve come home. The water smoothes over my body and I glide swiftly through it, cutting the water sharply and kicking my legs just enough to give me the speed I need without expending excess energy.

Back and forth, lap after lap drives all thought from my head. I’m vaguely aware of Griffin swimming a couple lanes down but my world has narrowed to a point that includes only me and the water in front of me.

I have no idea how much time has passed when a hand on my shoulder pulls me out of my trance. “Shit Girlie,” Griffin greets me. “You’re damn good.”

I haul myself out of the pool and sit on the edge. My legs dangle into the water as I catch my breath. “Uh, thanks,” I mutter, smoothing a hand across my face and pushing my hair back.

“Look…” Griffin says, pulling himself out as well and sitting beside me. “About earlier-” But before he can continue, scattered clapping interrupts him.

I glance up and see Adriana and Matt making their way down the bleachers across the room. “You better be planning to join our team!” Adriana says as they draw closer. “That was awesome!”

I blush and shrug at her, not sure what to say. I’ve never been good at taking compliments. Adriana’s grin is replaced by a smirk as she stops beside us. “Look at you two, all sexy and wet.”

Matt laughs and Griffin waggles his eyebrows. I, predictably, blush. “Too bad you’re both very gay.” Very gay? Am I really? What’s the difference between just plain gay and very gay? It’s not like I saunter around with a lisp and wear flamboyant clothes! I mean, I only discovered I was gay recently! You know what, never mind.

Griffin slings a casual arm across my shoulders and grins at Adriana. “You can always dream.”

Adriana snorts. “I think I’ll live.” Turning, she pecks Matt on the mouth and he smiles down at her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close. I gape at them. I’d finally decided they were probably just really close friends and then they pull something like this! I guess you never can tell…

“We were gonna go get pizza, you guys want to come along?” Adriana asks. I realize how hungry I am when the word pizza is said and I nod, getting to my feet.

But Griffin shakes his head. “Can’t. I’m supposed to eat with my parents tonight.”

Adriana shrugs. “Alrighty. Well hurry up Dakota, we’re starved.”

Back in the locker room I dry off hurriedly. Griffin changes silently across from me and I avoid his gaze. When I’m dressed and in the middle of tying my shoes he drops down beside me. “Hey … are we okay?”

I continue tying my shoes but with an extra bit of concentration and a sudden lack of coordination. My fingers stumble and I can feel my face heating up. Are we okay? Fuck. I don’t even know what “we” are. He’s certainly made no point of asking me on a real date or to be his boyfriend. As far as I know I’m just a boy he likes to kiss. Which I suppose isn’t such a bad thing … but is it really the way I want my first sort of relationship to be?

I shrug because I don’t have anything to say and work on untying the knotted mess I’ve made of my shoelace.

“Seriously Dakota, I fucked up, I’m sorry.”

I give up on my shoelace and finally look up at him. His lips are pursed slightly and his eyes serious. “No – I – no, it’s fine.” I mumble. His mouth curls up into a teasing smile and somehow I get the courage to continue. “But I – just,” I rub a hand through my wet hair nervously, “What is this exactly?”

“What is what?” Griffin asks carefully.

God. Why does he have to be so goddamn difficult?

I gesture between us hopelessly. “Whatever this is.”

My heart sinks a little as Griffin’s shoulders slump. “Oh.” His eyes flick around the room, anywhere but my face. “I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

“I … well …” I let out a shaky breath and I feel so damn nervous it’s horrible. “Never mind,” I finish weakly.

I’ve regained Griffin’s full attention and he scoots closer to me. “No, what?”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” Griffin says, brushing a hand across my arm and causing the hairs to rise. I curse my attraction to him as my heart stutters. “What were you going to say?”

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” I blurt out.

Griffin stares at me for a moment, as if contemplating, and then he lets out a laugh. Embarrassment floods my cheeks and I really want to leave. I wish I’d never opened my mouth in the first place, it really doesn’t matter that much. Things are okay. “Hey, no,” he says, noticing my glare. “It’s just, I know you haven’t done anything like this before Girlie, it’s one of the reasons you’re so fucking cute.”

I’m already in too deep and so with a deep breath I finally voice what I’ve been thinking. “I … I don’t want my first time to be with someone who’s just playing around.” It comes out as a whisper and as soon as I finish the sentence I drop my head.

Silence.

I don’t have any idea what Griffin’s thinking right now but as the silence drags on I wish I hadn’t anything.

Finally, “You’re right,” Griffin says. “This isn’t really fair to you.” I stay quiet, shrinking into myself a little under his scrutinizing stare. This is so awkward. “It’s just … I’m not ready to be in a relationship with you. I’m sorry.” He looks incredibly guilty but that doesn’t stop the flood of emotions that hits me.

Oh god. I want to die. I feel so embarrassed I’m not sure I could stand up right now even if I tried. If I could just curl up into a little ball and disappear forever I’d do it without a second thought.

“Okay,” I whisper, eyes on my feet, one shoe still untied.

“Hey, what’s taking so long?” And there’s Matt, peaking around the corner. We stare at each other and I’m sure my face shows everything I’m feeling. A quick glance at Griffin shows his eyes are blank, his face revealing nothing. If only I had that ability. Matt shrugs awkwardly, catching onto the fact that he’s interrupted some sort of moment. “Adriana sent me in to get you.”

“Uh yeah, right, I’m ready.” I fumble with my shoelace and manage to get it tied on the first try. I stuff my swimsuit and my towel into my bag and get up hurriedly. “I’ll … uh, wash them for you,” I tell Griffin, and then to Matt, “Okay, let’s go.”

Matt stares long and hard at the two of us, face unreadable, before finally nodding. “Yeah, let’s go.”

I follow him out of the locker room and when I look back, Griffin’s turned away, pulling on his shoes.

Riiight.. don’t hurt me!

Anywho, do you guys think I should up the rating to M or do you think it’s okay where it is? Oh and do you think Cody is too much of a girl?

Don’t forget to review!!!

-carefullyironic