Field of Wild Flowers Mistress of the Tormented

Call me crazy if you like, but you and I both know he deserved it. Both of them deserved it. Jodie should have suffered more, in my opinion. How painless her death was. You want to know why I did these things, don’t you? But I’m sure if you were in my shoes, you would have done the same: When you repress something for so long, you’re bound to blow up at one time or another. I guess I could try to explain to you how miserable my life has been, but I doubt you would truly understand. It started with the whole Byron incident. After that happened I built up my walls, protected myself from the world and suppressed all of his memories. Oh, I haven’t told you about him, have I? I don’t remember every thing exactly, but I do remember one particular day as if it was yesterday. I was six years old, I believe. Byron, the son of my mother’s friend, was babysitting me. He was always polite with my parents and very mature for his age of fifteen. My older sister was sleeping over at her friend’s house so I was alone with him.

“Ellie, would you like to play a game with me?” He always had a playful yet almost wise tone. That’s the night when he tore my favourite pink dress, by accident.

“Here, first change into this red dress, you want to look pretty when you’re mommy gets back don’t you? You don’t want her to see that tear in your dress, right?” He was so…. reassuring as he rested his hand on my shoulder. He had gone on his knees for his eyes to be levelled with mine. He slipped off my dress and helped me put on the nice sparkly red one.

“Ok, the game is called House. Do you know how to play that game?”

“Ya! Can I be the mommy?” I was so enthusiastic.

“Of course you can Elle, I’ll be the daddy. Do you know what mommies and daddies do together?”

“Uhm… Make babies?”

“Oh Arielle, you’re such a smart little girl!”

“I don’t know how to make babies.” I frowned. He took my hands in his and looked me straight into the eyes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you.” I remember his smile that still haunts me today, his cold hands and his tormenting whisper. He knew that what he was doing was wrong but he continued with it anyway. I was just a child; I didn’t know what was going on. I played his “game” and only years later, did I understand what really happened. It was Jodie’s fault. I’ll always blame her everything. She was my mother, she should have protected me and because she didn’t, she deserves to burn in hell. They both deserve to burn in hell, to suffer a painful, violent, gruesome death, then to be taken past the fiery gates of hell and to be tortured until the end of time

I spent nearly a decade trying to forget about those days and I succeeded until one day in mid October my mother told me we we’re going to have a guest.

I was walking out of the dinning room after supper. We were all alone. Kassandra, my only sister, was long gone to college on the other side of this country, she got into one of those prestigious universities, like Princeton, you know the kind? She was always the smart one… the lucky one. Anyways, Jodie called my name.

“Arielle, come back for a sec!” I sighed and turned around to face her and slowly walked towards her.

“Tomorrow, Jesse’s son will be coming by, he’s in town and he needs a place to stay for a couple of days. Ok?” I ran the words “Jesse’s son” trying to find a face to relate it to but for the life of me I couldn’t remember who the goddamn person was.

“‘Jesse’s son? Who’s that?” I was puzzled.

“Umm, I forget his name. You know he used to baby-sit you. Umm it starts with a ‘B’. Brendon? Bar...”

“Byron?” my eyes widened.

“Yes! God that’s embarrassing, don’t tell him I forgot his name.” She laughed her corky and dumb blonde laugh of hers as I stood there in shock. More in denial than in shock really. I was thinking about how glad I was that I had gotten more of my dad’s genes than Jodie’s. I got my dad’s silky black hair, for example, instead of her platinum blonde locks… thank god. He died while Jodie was pregnant with me: car crash. I don’t miss him that much; well I never even saw the man so how could I?

“Oh, I’m working late and he’ll be here at around three so you’ll have to entertain him.” It started to sink in about then. How dare she do this! She let it happen the first time and now she’s throwing me in the lion’s den a second time. If I had a gun, or any sharp object, I would have killed her then and there, but before I could say anything else, she was gone.

Pacing, I ran ideas through my head: run away, kill myself. I was leaning towards the whole suicide approach, but I decided to wait, see if things were going to be really that bad. And I could always kill myself at any moment. That night was very long. I couldn’t sleep, his face never left my mind. It made me so sick, I was nauseous and I swear I started to hear voices. I named the first one Edgar. He became my only friend that night, I couldn’t trust anybody but him, he’s the only one who I could talk to and he made me forget, for a moment, the world around me. This isn’t looking too good for the whole “sane” idea, is it? I guess you are here to prove that I’m not “mentally stable” right? I don’t care if I go to jail or an asylum at least I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore.

I attended school the next day, barely there but just enough to have my mark on the attendance sheet. I don’t remember what happened at school I just remember walking home. It took me a good hour to walk home, I could have taken the transit, which would have cut at least a half hour off, but I needed the fresh air. The house looked unchanged, as it should be, but I knew he was in there, which gave the house a dark and dreary aura. I took a deep breath and stepped in.

Don’t worry, I’m right here. I won’t leave, I’ll be right here.

Edgar knew how to calm me.

“Arielle?” I heard a husky voice coming from the side, I turned to face him. It was him. It was Byron. Grinning the fakest grin I have ever smiled, I ran up towards him and gave him a hug. I thought that maybe if I pretended it didn’t happen, he would not remember.

“Hey Byron! What have you been up to?” we seperated as I motioned for him to sit down on one of the three couches in the living room. He looked as he did in my mind: same thick brown hair, green hazel eyes, and thin lips. I almost threw up right there and then, instead I smiled wider.

“Oh, nothing. I’m in town for a business interview.”

“What kind of interview?” I tried to be enthusiastic but in the back of my mind, my disgust for him was lingering and talking to me. It wasn’t Edgar though; this voice was darker, more sinister and baleful. I called her Annabelle.

He’s fucking with you’re mind! He wants to hurt you again. Don’t play this bullshitting game of his!

I ignored her and continued to listen to Byron.

“It’s an acting gig. But I don’t think I’ll do too well. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.” When he smiled that time, a wave of total disgust and hate swept my body and made me shiver.

“I’m sure you’ll be fantastic!”

“Thank you, but, enough about me, look at you! You’re so beautiful! You have grown up wonderfully!”

“Thanks.” I pretended to blush. Came easy enough, I just to had channel all my hate. I turned red off of it.

“You got a boyfriend?” He asked curiously.

“Umm, no.”

“Now that’s a shame, a beautiful girl like you, I thought the boys at school would be falling to the floor for you. I am.” When I first saw him that day, he had this kind air to him, now it was like the devil in him came out, his eyes changed and became mischievous. I turned away to look at the ground, I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Well I have some homework I should be finishing up. I’ll see you later.” I got up quickly, waved and hurried to my room. I locked the door and went straight to my bathroom. I was lucky enough to have a bathroom that joins with my room. A horrible feeling took over my body, was it disgust for him, for what he has done or was it for me? I looked for something, for anything that would make that feeling go away.

Arielle, calme down. Relax. Take a nice long bath and shower yourself from these feelings. It will be better; you’ll feel so much better. Fight it! He’s only here for a few more days. Be strong!

He tried to calm me down.

Look there! A razorblade. Oh come on, you know you’ll like it. You’ll get the biggest high of you’re life!

She yelled louder. It felt like I had an angel and a devil on each of my shoulder. A war was waging between them and I was in No-Man’s Land. But that was a battle Edgar wouldn’t win. I picked up the blade that was laid neatly on the sink. I went inside the tub because really I hated cleaning. I don’t think at that moment I was ready to kill myself, just take away the pain.

Annabelle laughed in triumph while Edgar’s voice faded. He would come back though, he always came back.

My hands started to shake as I brought the blade closer to my skin. I didn’t want it too deep; I really didn’t feel like going to the hospital. I hate hospitals. Anyways, I closed my eyes tight and pulled my hand as fast as I could, making sure I didn’t apply too much pressure. As soon as I felt that stinging pain, my eyes opened wide and I gasped for air. Then came that intoxicating, beautiful high of the adrenaline rush. It felt as though I had been pushed out of my body by some supernatural force and I was flying above my body looking down at myself. That only lasted for about thirty seconds when I realized how much blood I was loosing. I took a towel that happened to be laying on the bathroom floor and applied pressure to my wound. My fucking god! What I would give to make that rush last longer. I’m sure they don’t allow sharp objects at that asylum, right? Damn that sucks.

The blood stopped seeping after about ten minutes. I got out of the bathtub, rinsed it out, put some gauze and tape on the wound. I was feeling very dizzy so with the little strength I had left I took off my blood stained clothing and hopped into bed with only my bra and panties.

It must have been a few hours later when I heard Jodie and Byron laughing downstairs. I figured I should go down there, since I was a little hungry. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a tank.

Long sleeves.

Edgar reminded me. So I put on a black, long sleeved shirt on top and headed downstairs. The dizziness was still there, but it wasn’t as bad. Again I plastered my lovely grin walking into the room where they were laughing their asses off.

“Something funny?” I asked sweetly.

“Byron was just telling me some old stories. Supper will be ready in a minute”

She walked away into the kitchen.

I looked into his evil eyes and they were laughing at me. I’m sure they were. He watched me as I sat on the couch furthest from him.

“Are you alright? You look ill.” He asked with a hint of a smirk on his face.

“I’m just dandy!” It’s hard for me to totally cut of the sarcasm in my language but I managed to water it down.

“Well that’s nice. Did you sleep well, Sleeping Beauty?”

“Supper!” She yelled before I even had time to think about how I was going to reply to that.

Jodie sat beside Byron on the front side of the rectangular table and I sat at the other side. On the menu that night was mashed potatoes and steak, which was a bitch to cut, if I may add. I was concentrating on cutting the damn piece of steak when Jodie pointed out the gauze on my wrist.

“It’s nothing.”

“Well let me see; it might be bad.” She sounded sincerely concerned but I knew she wasn’t, she couldn’t have cared less if I died.

“I fell down in gym, it’s just a scratch!” I snapped.

Calm down, you don’t want her to suspect anything; you would go to the hospital. You know that. Now take a deep breath.

I did as he said and calmed myself down.

“Mrs. Lafayette, I’m sure it’s nothing too deep, you trust her don’t you?”

His goddamn bullshit! Pulling everyone into guilt trips to get his way! That alone would make anyone lose his or her sanity.

She nodded her head.

“I’m tired. I’m going to bed” I said coldly. As I walked up the stairs I heard Jodie say that she was going to work the late shift because they really needed her. She was a scientist at the local nuclear plant, you know those people who make sure the core never heats up so there’s no explosion? Anyways I was too emotional to think into it at that moment. My room was dark and cold so I quickly took off my bra and pants put on a loose shirt and hopped underneath the covers.

Surprisingly it didn’t take any time at all to fall asleep. I was asleep for at least a three hours but I woke when I felt something around my hand. Slowly opening my eyes I saw a dark figure on top of me.

“You shouldn’t slit you’re wrists, it leaves terrible scars.” Byron said menacingly. I tried to free my hands but apparently he had already bound them. I tried to kick, but no use; they were tied to the bedpost. He placed his hand on my mouth.

“Your mommy is gone, nobody is here to hear you so id rather not have to put tape on that pretty little mouth of yours.” he took off his hand and forced his lips onto mine, shoving his tongue down my throat. I shook my head from side to side, but he restrained me, I soon got tired and gave up.

“See now that’s a good girl.” He ran his fingers through my hair and wiped the tears that were streaming from my eyes. He ripped the covers off of me, got undressed and assumed his position on top of me. I was exhausted; I didn’t even bother putting up a fight.

“Its amazing how much you’ve grown from the last time I saw you.” He chuckled as he kissed my neck. He ran his hands down my body.

Think of a happy place; go to your happy place.

I closed my eyes and did what Edgar said. I thought of a vast field of wild flowers with the sun shining and warming my skin. I slowly made that world my reality. Running through the field, tumbling and rolling. I could even smell the flowers. Every now and then I would get this immense pain all over but as soon as I noticed it, I concentrated harder on that place. That field of wild flowers was my sanctuary.

Are you starting to see why I did those things?

After it was all over I opened my eyes to see him on the corner of my bed putting his shoes on.

“You know if you told this to your mom, she wouldn’t believe you and even if she did, she wouldn’t care.” What he was saying was true, she wouldn’t care. He started to slowly untie my feet, then, kissing my hands, he untied them too.

“I’ll be back tomorrow” He whispered in my ear and gave me another unwanted kiss on my lips. I was mute; I didn’t say a damn thing, just dozed back to sleep.

The next day, I woke up with a pain I have never had before in my stomach, it was like cramps but a hundred times worse. I went to the bathroom to see how much damage was done. I had no bruises on my face but the rest of my body was covered in them.

Get away from this place. Don’t stay here he’ll just hurt you again. Leave.

I swallowed two Advils for the pain.

I say you kill him! Trap him and make him suffer, it sounds like more fun.

I ignored them and continued with my daily ritual of getting ready in the morning. Thank God I didn’t have to go to school that day, since it was Saturday, that would have been a killer.

I went downstairs and saw my mom and him watching TV in the living room. I looked at the clock on the wall and it said 12:00pm.

“Well hello sleepy head.” Byron said cheerfully acting as if nothing happened. I was stunned for a minute but then sat down at the last couch that wasn’t occupied.

“How was work Jodie?”

“Uneventful. But hey, Arielle, there’s a classical concert tonight in the park. You should take Byron.” She smiled.

“I would love to go, what do you say, Arielle?”

“Alright, what time is it?”

“5:30” I smiled.

She did it again, she gave him another opportunity to hurt me. It was her fault.

“I’m not feeling so good. I’m going to be sleeping all day so I will feel better tonight.”

“Ok, well sleep tight” Jodie said.

“You know what, I think I’m going to take a nap too.” My insides twisted. I walked into the kitchen, with him following me, took a bottle of vodka and when she wasn’t looking, went upstairs. I guess he didn’t understand what I was doing at first but I thought I’d rather be drunk tonight. I opened the bottle and started to take a gulp of it as I walked into my room. Of course he followed me but I didn’t pay attention. He took me by the neck and swung me around to hit the wall.

“You shouldn’t drink this stuff.” He pried the bottle out of my hand and took a sip. “How bout you and I make a little deal?”

“What would that be?” I said coldly, he had let go of my throat by that point but had his hand on my back pulling me towards him.

“How bout I get it over with now and this way I wont have to when we go to the little concert thing.”

I sighed.

“Let’s” he said cheerfully. He locked the door, dropped the bottle on the floor and threw me onto the bed like a rag doll.

“Oh hunn, smile”

“You know it’s sad that someone goes so low that the only way they get up is to have sex with someone almost ten years younger.” I spat on his face He didn’t hesitate to raise his hand and slap the fuck out of my face.

Happy place, happy place.

Edgar kept telling me.

He ripped off my clothing but by then it was to late, I was already in my field of wild flowers. But this time it was different, I wasn’t alone, Edgar was with me. He had golden blonde hair, pale blue eyes and a very built body. He was only wearing a pair of white pants, so his muscular chest was very visible.

Is it possible to fall in love with a voice in your head? I don’t care if I was making it up or not, I did love him and he helped me get through this. We rolled in the beautifully coloured field, laughing and playing. He embraced me and made me feel special, like I mattered for once. I felt safe in his arms. I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes and looked at the clock it was already 7pm.

You know he’s coming back. You didn’t go to the concert so he will be back. Do something about it.

I then went downstairs to find Jodie laying on the couch.

“Byron told me you still weren’t feeling good. He had to go out but he’ll be back around ten, ok?” she said flipping the pages of her damn beauty magazine.

“I’m going out, I need some fresh air,” I said as I shut the front door. I had my coat on and everything. I needed time to think, but Annabelle’s voice was so overwhelming. For every person we passed, she told me his or her life story.

I passed a beautiful older woman

Marie Lagueze, 37 years old. Her husband has been beating her since they were first married, 10 years ago. She won’t live for much longer, he’ll get made, go too far and before he realizes it she’ll be dead.

All these horrible stories.

Anton Pertuna, 20 years old. His mother died when he was three and his father has been molesting him ever since.

Every face had a story. Some were victims and some caused victims.

Joe Marrisse, 50 years old. Killed his son, drowned him in a bath and said it was an accident.

I tried to continue walking, not wanting to go back to the house. But I couldn’t take any more stories. Edgar wasn’t there to fight her, so she continued until I gave in. The walk back home was cold and wet. Annabelle kept talking but more quietly. She was trying to break me down, to get her way. It worked in the end I guess.

You know what you have to do, take her down first when she’s sleeping, then you can have your fun with him.

Edgar wasn’t there.

I walked in and she was no longer on the couch, I walked upstairs to see if she was in her room. It was only 8pm.

Take a pillow, suffocate her. Then take your time with him. Oh please it will be so fun! You know he’ll just hurt you again. He’s done it before. Not to you, to other children. Protect them. Your own sister was one of them. Do the right thing, be their saviour.

I creaked open Jodie’s bedroom door and there she was, sleeping, laying quietly. I tipi-toed to her side, was I really going to do what she told me to do.

Take the pillow, do it!

So I reached for the pillow and still Edgar wasn’t trying to change my mind. I hopped on her and smothered her with the pillow with all my force. She was quite resistant, but I put all my body weight on her face. Her kicking and squirming soon stopped. When I took off the pillow and saw her motionless on the bed, it gave me the best feeling ever. Some security was restored and I was thankful I listened to Annabelle.

One down, one to go.

I looked at the clock on the wall, it had almost taken me an hour to kill her, and so I started to hurry. I pulled the covers to her shoulders to make it look like she was sleeping, just in case Byron decided to check her room before going to mine.

Now go downstairs to the kitchen and take two knifes, make sure they are sharp.

I followed her instructions. The knives I found were perfect. I went back to my room and went beneath the covers, still holding the two knives. I placed the two underneath my hips were I could easily take them. It wouldn’t be long now.

Remember what I told you, toy with him first.

I nodded my head. The alarm clock read 10:10 and just then I heard the front door open and shut.

Perfect.

Byron went up the stairs and first checked Jodie’s room, satisfied that she was asleep, he approached my room. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep as he went by my side. I slowly opened my eyes.

“Do I have to tie you up again?” he asked as he started to take off his belt.

“No”

“Good” Undressed he went under the covers and, like the other times, on top of me.

Toy with him.

I leaned in to kiss him.

“See, I knew you were going to like it sooner or later.” He smiled and continued to kiss me.

Now this was the fun part.

“I have something for you.” I smiled.

“What’s that Elle?”

I ran my hands down his chest, slowly.

“I’m sure I’ll like it”

“Oh, I know you will.’

I reached beneath my hips and slowly held on tight to the two knifes. I kissed him another time and then thrust the two knifes into his… let’s say “equipment”. He squealed like a little fucking baby, I just laughed and pushed him over onto his back. The blood oozed out.

“I knew you would like it.” I sat on his chest and took one of the knives out of his groin. His eyes were tearing up and he was gasping for air. I kissed him again.

I leant on the remaining knife and heard his moan grow louder.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did that hurt?”I smiled.

“Joo… Jodie” he tried pathetically to call her name.

“I killed her first.” I whispered in his ear.

With the knife in my hand I started to carve “The Devil” into his chest. I looked into his eyes, they were in so much pain and I loved it. He continued to yell but I’m pretty sure he was in shock from the pain.

“How many has it been? She says you did this to Kassandra too. You did, didn’t you?” I continued to laugh. I turned around and faced the other knife that was still logged into his ball. I took it out. My mind was running with ideas of what I could possibly do to him, then one of them stood out from the others. I lifted up his main piece of “equipment” and using the knife cut it off. Again I laughed. I turned to face him again and made sure he saw his weapon laying on his chest.

“This is definite pay back.” I looked at myself, I was covered in blood and I couldn’t stand the damn smell. I figured I would get it over with. I took the knife and stuck it where his heart should be. The blood spurted out and soaked my clothes even more. His eyes went blank and rolled into the back of his head. I got off of him and stared into the mirror, I had blood everywhere, in my hair, on my hands in my clothes and the smell made me gag. I ran a bath and took the wireless phone. I had no intention of hiding the bodies or killing myself, I just needed to return to the field of wild flowers again. I got into the bath, fully clothed and turned on the phone. I dialled 911.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Well it’s not an emergency now, they’re dead. I suggest you send some units here to take the bodies. But you don’t have to rush; they’re not going anywhere neither are we.” I said to the nice operator.

“What’s the address?”

“88 Maitland st.” I hung up the phone. The stench was unbearable. I closed my eyes and drifted back into the field. Edgar was there; he was more beautiful then ever. The flowers were even more colourful. I ran into his arms and he held me tightly. He kissed me so gently, it was the first time I have ever felt loved.

“Can’t I stay here for ever?” I asked him.

“I’m sorry Elle, they are coming and they’ll take you away. But whenever you need to feel loved, I’ll always be here. Just think of this happy place and I’ll be here. They cant take this away from you” He kissed me one last time.

“They’re here.” I heard the sirens and I opened my eyes, waiting for a man with gun drawn to come into the bathroom and take me away.

And this all leads to now, you sitting in that chair of your’s questioning me.

“Do you have anything else you would like to add?” The man questioning Arielle continued.

“Well, yes. Annabelle wants me to tell you something.” Arielle said smiling.

“And what’s that?”

She leaned towards the man across the table.

“She knows about Billy.” His eyes widened.

“Billy?”

“You know who she’s talking about. Little Billy was only five. Now he lays beneath a garden.” Arielle smiled.

He sat silently.

“Don’t worry, in the coming months, his body will be discovered.” Arielle smiled again. “She just wanted to… to warn you.”

“I think we’re done here.” He took Arielle’s file that was on the table and started to leave the room.

“Sleep tight!” Arielle yelled out. He shut the door and left to his desk at the end of the hall. He took the small little tape recorder and started to talk.

“October 31st, 2006. I have just finished the session with Arielle Lafayette. It seems that she suffers from extreme post-traumatic stress disorder. She had been hearing voices, which she named. In my opinion she was not mentally stable at the time of the murders.” His voice was cracking as he said those words. He pressed the button again and placed it on the table where tomorrow an officer of the court would pick it up.

His drive home was very hasty. He got to his house, ran inside, and quickly ran back out, but this time he had a black object in his hands, a gun. He kneeled on the front garden and brought the gun up to his mouth.

“I’m sorry” he closed his eyes and pulled the trigger.