Author's Note: My goal is not to make you laugh out loud but If I can succeed in making you smirk, or even smile, than I'd feel as though I was able to accomplish something. Comedy is not my thing. Anyhow this is a parody that will have just about every cliche in it. Whoever is able to point out every cliche in this chapter wins a review on all their stories from me. Enjoy the stupidity of it all!

Humor

My Destined Adventure

Her name was Mary, Mary Sue to be exact. She was what you would call the perfect girl. With the sexual appeal to drive any man mad and the voice that put you in a daze there was no question why she never had to work any day of her life. It was because she was better than you or me, better than any super model, heck she even out did an angel in beauty. And when the messenger came to her at dawn with a note from a mysterious person, it almost didn’t come as any surprise to her.

The messenger was a lanky man with close to no hair on his head. He wore a purple suit that radiated too brightly on him and hung off his petite body. When he spoke he seemed to snort in between every sentence.

“My dear lady,” said the messenger as he bowed, “I have a message from a mysterious person.”

“Mysterious?” questioned Mary. She flipped her hair back, as it was the custom of all beautiful girls, and watched as her exquisiteness worked magic on the man. Why, the messenger began to smile and blush so hard that he started to look like a rotten cherry.

“M-my name’s Edward,” the messenger stuttered, “I mean Kelvin. I’m single and”—

“I know I’m beautiful and everything but gosh keep yourself together Luis,” interrupted Mary. “Anyhow, I was wondering if maybe you could tell me who this mysterious person is.”

Kelvin straightened himself up again and fixed his glasses. Then he replied, “It’s Kelvin my dear lady, not Luis. I can’t tell you who he is; he said if I tell he’d throw away all of my star trek tapes.”

“What’s star trek?” asked Mary.

Suddenly embarrassed Kelvin replied, “It’s nothing, nothing at all miss.”

“So Gary, who’s this mysterious person?”

“It’s Kelvin. The mysterious person is—Oh, I see what you’re trying to do; you’re trying to pull the old canoodle on me aren’t you?” And the both of them laughed and laughed at each other until Kelvin began crying and said, “You’re laughing at me aren’t you?! Just because I’m a messenger doesn’t mean I dropped out of college. And yes I do watch Star Trek and play RP’s! I’m happy; I’m a happy virgin who doesn’t WANT to get laid.”

It was silence, an awkward silence. Then Mary asked, “What’s college?”

Finally Kelvin stomped off and left Mary’s house. After shrugging it off Mary went into her house, unfolded the letter at her kitchen table, and began to read it. It said:

“Dear Mary-Sue,

It is your destiny to destroy the evil overlord Galantyiesrey! Inside of you there is a special power, a special power only you, the most beautiful girl ever, possess. Meet me at the Lazy Eye Pub so that we can discuss your destiny.

P.S. You’re paying.

P.S.S. Did I tell you I was single?”

Folding the letter up and nodding her head, she put a few gold coins in her pocket and was on her way.

XXXX

When she arrived there what she saw was the usual; a man brooding in the corner with a pipe in his mouth; a lot of drunk, ugly, barbaric men fighting; a bartender doing nothing but washing the same glass cup over and over again. Mary was the only female there and, of course, every man there tried to pull a nasty one on her. They tried to grab at her body parts but were pushed down by a different man who was just as desperate and lonely.

Mary was completely oblivious to this and safely made it to the bar without not even as so much having any man touch her. When she reached the bar a man with a large pointy hat, a long beard, and a star decorated cloak said to her, “Mary, you must be invincible! I have never seen a woman powerful enough to get this far back in the pub without having at least half of her clothes ripped off.” Secretly the long bearded man hoped that her clothes were ripped just a bit, for she was barely wearing anything right now. If so he would be the first male to see what no other man had ever seen; a naked Mary-Sue.

Mary nodded and said, “Are you the mysterious person who sent me the letter about my special power that only I possess?”

“Oh yes, that is I. I did tell you that you were paying right?”

Mary took two gold coins from her pocket and handed it to the wizard. He laughed and said to her, “This isn’t enough money dear. I drank about ten cups of wine before your magnificent arrival.”

Mary grimaced at the wizard, took three more coins from out of her pocket and handed it to him. With no luck Mary tried to get some information from the wizard but all he did was drink and drink and get drunker and drunker. All of a sudden someone tapped her shoulder and said in a raspy voice, “Mary is that you?”

Mary turned around and saw the man that was brooding in the corner. He said to her, “You did receive my letter didn’t you? Why, I saw you walk past me and never came back. I thought that one of these men had gotten their way with you or something. It’s a wonder how you got back here in the first place.”

It never occurred to Mary that a fake wizard just cheated her out of her money.

XXXX

The real letter sender, whose name was Voun’rilean, informed Mary all about her magical power. With a mysterious voice he told her that since the day she was born it was her destiny to defeat the overlord Galantyiesrey.

“How is this so?” questioned Mary. “How do you know all of this about me?”

Without a second thought Voun’rilean replied, “Its simple Mary. I’m the wise old man. I know everything!”

“Oh yeah?” challenged Mary, “Then what’s my favorite color?”

“It’s red.”

“Wow, I didn’t even know that. Is my father alive or dead?”

“He’s living a very good life Mary.”

“Ha!” laughed Mary, “He died when I was eight.”

“No, George died when you were eight; your father is fishing.”

With irritation ringing in her voice Mary screamed, “Are you trying to say that my mother lied to me all this time about George! Are you trying to say that I, Mary Sue, am a bastard?”

Changing the subject Voun’rilean drank the last of his wine down in one gulp and, clearing his throat, said to Mary, “Do you know of a Mrs. Glavnic?”

Marry nodded her head, still fuming somewhat with the new realization about her father. Voun’rilean continued, “Tomorrow, at this same time, meet me there. Bring whatever belongings of yours are important but light enough to carry for long hours.”

With that the old man was gone and Mary was left at the bar. The bartender, who’s Lazy eye, seemed to search everywhere for nothing in particular, said to her, “Missy you are paying right?’

With a sigh she nodded her head and took five golden coins out of her pocket. She got up, ready to head on home and get an early start on her beauty sleep (Which she didn’t need because she’d be beautiful anyways). Before she could leave the bar the bartender shouted, “Missy, did I tell you I was single?”