A/N so yeah, this was a movie i made up in my head, walking from the bathroom to my room, not as a result of going to the bathroom, but just a few seconds where i had nothing to occupy my head with, so this managed to worm its way in. Really though, i guess this is like what most people think in their heads, but are unable to format it like this. or Maybe they've done it better. I guess i managed to eat some time, maybe i'll eat yours' too. If you're wondering about the name: it comes from a favorite quote of mine from a great movie..."Random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap." Of course theres never any time frame placed into the story...well not entirly anyway, but i guess we can elave that wide open. As to some another thing that occured to me...there's no gender specification, so go ahead and go wild.

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Snowy, light wind, it feels like spring though… it shouldn’t be this way…but what do I know? Its New Jersey after all, right? The view from this hill – mountain, whatever Jersey has to offer – Looks amazing. It’s so dark but that’s fine. All the lights below melt into the night sky. So what….no ground, just endless sky now?…and this whatever-top. So does that make route one…shooting stars…and of course comets. East-bound stars and west-bound comets. Great, its all endless space after all so maybe its north and south. There’s no direction anymore. Oh…

“Hey.”

“I thought you wouldn’t show…”

“Well, there was a point where I decided to turn around and leave.”

“Oh thanks. Make me wait here, in the middle of winter no less, alone….where I could get raped?”

“No one would rape you…and it might as well be spring anyway.”

“True, but how do you know I haven’t been raped yet?”

“You can’t rape the willing… S’why I’ve never tried.”

“Oh…anyway…we need to talk. So sit down already.”

“Oomph. So what do we need to talk about?”

“Stuff, I don’t know.”

“So now you call me and get me to come up here, while it’s snowing, I could have crashed…”

“But you didn’t…”

“And now you wont tell me what’s wrong?”

…

…

“Are you afraid of me?”

“what?”

“You seem so afraid of me sometimes. Or maybe that’s not the word for it. But it just seems that at times there’s points where you’d rather not know me, or just done with me. Like for whatever reason I make you feel…I don’t know….uncomfortable?”

“You’re full of shit.”

“No I’m not, because that’s exactly what it feels like, and you know its true… there’s something you’re so afraid of in me, that in order to get away from it you feel you have to get away from to make it stop.”

“.thats - not - it.”

“Than what is it?”

“...

How do you love someone? Do you tell them that directly? Or do you hide it? Is it given as a gift? A hug? A gesture? A smile? Or is it just faked, and there really is no love? So do you say it over and over again until they believe you, so you can get them out of their pants? Or are you willing to do something crazy, like totally absolutely crazy that is supposed to make them head over heels in love with you.”

“what?”

“…I guess….how do you love someone…who loves the world? Who is loved back by the world? That every little single action, ever word, every look direct toward someone else, is taken as a vow to them, against you. Someone who has so much love spread so many different ways, and at times it may feel like you’re left out, that even though it’s ok to go ahead and take some, you’re kind of unsure, unable, showing yourself to be generic love.”

“Generic love?”

“I guess…love that’s given to everyone, and not someone special.”

“I guess there are ways to tell…”

“and if the person can’t? if for whatever reason the person can’t read through all those other emotions. Happiness that can be mistaken for love, a laugh that can be taken as bliss, Hugs and words that are so soft, so full of emotion or just friendship and caring, that it seems like that’s the person. What then? What do you think?”

“It’s tough sometimes…of course. I mean you can’t expect to be able to distinguish a friend and something more or less from laughs and hugs alone. And everyone gives gifts…but still people take chances and ask those four stupid little words. Words no longer than most peoples’ names, and risk more than just a name to find out.”

“So would you be willing to risk it? Even If you were unsure?”

“That’s love right? ‘Doing something absolutely crazy’ ...that’s what it is isn’t it?”

“…yeah…”

“The sweet is never as sweet without the sour. Love…just becomes sweeter.”

“So do you?”

“You know…I’ve wondered about that for a long time, and maybe I became like those people who were unsure, unable to read, write, or even speak. And maybe I was being stupid about it too. And, asked earlier I might not have had an answer…”

“Mind sharing?”

“...I have, for a while. Anyway. Sometimes, it would have been nice to not have. And maybe I loved the world in response. But I know I do now, I’m still unsure though.”

“At least, I’m sure now, so I guess that takes away a bit of fear.”

“Is it...still as sweet?”

“We’ll just have to see.”