Maybe I Enjoy the Pain

I feel like I’m being boxed in.

So many old memories keep coming back,

Memories I don’t want to remember.

I feel his arm around me still,

We’re soaking wet, walking up the boardwalk,

Coming off the beach.

And we laugh at what our brothers would say

If they ever saw us like that.

As I relive that moment

I laugh out loud, at what we said,

And burst into tears as I come back to earth.

Then I fall back into thought.

I remember all the chances I had

To tell him I love him, to kiss him,

The chances I never took; and I regret that.

He tore my heart to shreds and I still love him.

I’m in love with someone else now,

But I still love him.

I can’t get over it, no matter how hard I try.

No matter how much I deny I want him back,

I still do.

I miss him so much.

Every time I think of him, my heart breaks again.

Over, and over again I kill myself.

Over,j and over again I torture myself.

Maybe I just enjoy the pain.