A/N: This work is probably my proudest achievement of a writer thus far. It still needs a LOT of work, but this has pushed me to the brink, mentally, physically and emotionally. Please if you read, review!

10/28/06

My Mother told me to do it. Dr. Irving gave me this notebook so I could write about my stay here. I told him there was nothing to write. He told me I could talk to him then. I chose the notebook.

Dr. Irving told me to start off discussing the event that led to my stay here. They always use the words ‘stay’ or ‘visit’ here. They never use the real words to describe it, like ‘sentence’ or ‘imprisonment’. The people here are sentenced to stay here by their families and imprisoned by the doctors and nurses.

My dad took me here after I set our house on fire. He didn’t believe me when I tried to tell him mother told me to do it. They don’t believe me either. Mother says they are infected with the sickness, just like Anna, dad’s new wife. Mother told me Anna was poison and was spreading the poison to my father. Mother said Anna was planning on giving her sickness to dad and me. Mother said Anna was planning on killing us all. Mother said I had to stop Anna before Anne destroyed us all. Mother would never lie to me or try to hurt me or get me into trouble. Mother loves me, unlike dad who took me here. But he was just infected with Anna’s poison so he can’t be blamed, really dad still loves me but he just doesn’t know that right now. He will one day though.

Mother told me to wait until everyone was asleep and then pour kerosene all over our house. Then she told me to light the match.

My heart was beating so hard right before I lit the match, it felt like there were tribal people living inside of my chest and banging on drums. I was scared the tribal people would wake everyone and then I’d waste all that kerosene. Mother told me this was my only chance to kill off the poison infecting the house. She said only I could be awake when I burned the house because the family would be able to make it out of the house easier and the family needed to burn before they could be cured of the sickness. Mother is really smart like that. I don’t know how dad thinks he can replace her with Anna.

After I lit the match and the fire started eating away at the house, I walked outside and sat on the sidewalk. I wasn’t scared at all. I started humming my favorite song. I think Madonna sings it.

Somehow though, all my efforts to drive out the evil within didn’t work. Anna and dad made it out without even a slight burn. Mother told me later she had underestimated how much Anna was infected with the sickness. Evil had taken over Anna’s body, and evil never really dies.

When dad saw me at first, it was like when I was little. He loved me again, he was cured. But the poison had taken too much of his mind for him to really be cured by the fire. A few days later, while we were in the hospital, he found out how the fired was started. He stopped loving me again. Anna had infected him again and made it even worse, infecting what was healed and what was not.

Dad asked me what the hell was wrong with me. He face was so hard and angry and he looked at my like I was some kind of monster. He doesn’t even see that I was trying to save him. I was trying to kill the infection. You always have to destroy to make new. Dad doesn’t understand. He’s too far gone for me to save him. Then after he stopped yelling at me he just kept shaking his head and whispering why? It almost sounded like he was singing a song to me. But I know he wasn’t, he’s too infected to care about me now.

When I tried to tell him mother told me to do, that I was trying to save him from the sickness, he just looked sick. I thought he may throw up. He looked like I had just confessed to being pregnant with the Pope’s baby.

A few days later, he and Anna took me here. I’m not mad at him though, I understand that it was Anna’s doing. She knows I know about her spreading her evil, so she’s trying to get rid of me. I’ll never stop fighting it though. My dad may have been too weak to fight, but it’s up to me to stop the sickness from spreading.

Everyone here is infected with the sickness. It’s funny though, because they all say I’m sick, but I’m not. Mother says so. Mother says their sick, that everyone here has been infected. Mother says their just trying to confuse me, to make me sick like them.

Dad and the doctors say mother doesn’t really visit me, but I know she does. I see her, I talk to her. How can it not be true? Just because he refuses to see her, doesn’t mean she’s not here. Mother says the sickness blinds people so they can’t see what’s right in front of their faces. They can believe in God, and Jesus being resurrected, and of a virgin having a child, but they can’t believe that my mother visits me. Just because she’s been dead for four years that doesn’t mean she’s not still here. You just have to look. Mother tells me not to worry, that one day they’ll see. One day they’ll be cured of the poison and they’ll see her too.