PRINGLES

Pringles, that was the first thing I saw as I sat uncomfortably on my brother’s sleek leather swivel chair, which cost him approximately 89 from Officeworks. And why may I be uncomfortable on an 89 chair? Well, his dirty clothes that I am sitting on may be part of the problem.

So, here I am, dear reader, sitting on a disgusting pile of clothes at my brothers study table staring at an empty can of Pringles. Hmm, there could be other useful things to look at other than this useless piece of cardboard sitting in front of me… (by the way, I render it useless as it is empty) My brother, the disgusting slob that he is has somehow managed to take days to clear his table and mere minutes to pile it with junk again.

Let’s see here.. I can see quite a lot of bits and pieces around me, though none more interesting than my precious Pringles, (well none that stands out as much as the red cardboard) under that is a DVD of Jet Li’s ‘The One’ full of ‘awesome kung fu fighting’ as my brother would call it, but in my case is all blood and no plot. Hmm right now I can see a fake rolex watch bought from Malaysia for 5, a sharpie I sold to him for 75c.. (the small ones, mind you) his amazingly ‘cool glasses case’ which can flip either way, his whole pencilcase with all its contents strewn over the desk, job applications, an application for a university apartment, a torch with no battery, a cd with ‘Mozart’s Musical Masterpieces’, a USB he still hasn’t figured out how to work, a tissue box, his last pay slip and a dear old yellow thesaurus. Oh yeah and a pile of burnt cds.. hmm did I miss anything? Oh ya, his last bank transaction.. lets see here.. he has 170.95 exactly! Hahaha.. what a sucker he’s so broke.. I can see a train ticket to the city.. that cost him 2.50?? hey that’s pretty cheap.. hmm I also see his baby photo propped up on it’s stand. Everyone who comes over just immediately jumps on that photo and hugs it like a teddy bear screaming ‘He’s so cute!’ but trust me, he is NOT cute, that lil cheeky face smiling ever so innocently is actually a wolf in sheep’s clothing. This little demon has now grown up to be the devil himself. And I must say he actually does belong in hell for once.. hmm I can also see a funky hourglass and a copy of Joshua Harris’ book, ‘I kissed dating goodbye’. Wow, that book really suits him. Hey I should fill you in on his love life.. Right now he is ‘in love’ with the one and only Selena cough cough.. sorry I need a cough drop. He calls her three times a day and stays on the phone for what, 3 hours each time? And then when mum told him to stop calling his girlfriend started calling. Their puppy love is so ‘deep’ that saying ‘I love yous’ constantly each day makes me want to puke.. I can already see a picture of her up on the wall, beside a laminated maths sheet full of formulas and.. IS THAT CALCULUS?? Ugh don’t even go there.. what a maths freak.. Behind that is a calendar.. hmm but I’m telling you, Selena is merely a façade, he’s just put her up for show.. I’m telling you he’s gay.. I stumbled upon some of his schoolwork and I found that he curled his g’s, y’s and fs!! I wouldn’t had been surprised at all if he drew hearts above his I’s… hmm the last time I confronted him about his sexuality he denied it… and dad was in the same room and was actually rofling… but wait!

Why the hell am I talking about my brother and not Pringles? Hmm, maybe I’m still upset that he locked me in his room…