Chapter 5

“Lithium”

“Smoke… I need a smoke!” Tori gasped as she walked towards a desolate Hippie Commune. Whatever happened to the people remains a mystery. “Smoke…”

“Help me.” a very dried out voice said. Tori turned to it and saw a giant bong with a card for a nose, four hoses for limbs, and two eyes. It’s mouth was just an etched out piece carved into the glass. It moved as it tried to talk. “Water.”

“Oh wow!” Tori gasped. She then stepped over towards a pale of water before pointing to it. “You want this?”

“Yes.” the bong man replied with a hiss.

“’Ight.” Tori said back before filling the bottom of the bong man with water.

“I’m alive!” the bong man cried in joy. “Thank you for giving me water. I’ve been stuck here for days. The hippies that once lived here starved one night…”

“Oh my god, they starved to death?!”

“No, herpes. Killed every one of them.”

“Oh. Did they leave any stash?”

“Just a little bit. It’s in that tent!”

Tori gasped and then realized he said ‘little’ so it was a little bit of a let down. But even if it was a little bit of stash, she decided it would be stash in general to smoke. After walking towards the tent, she opened it up and saw that the whole tent was filled with brick after brick of weed. There must’ve been over a ton in there. Tori’s mouth was wide as she held it and cried. It was beautiful. After looking further into the tent, she had an orgasm before looking down and seeing that her pants were wet.

“Oh my god.” Tori gasped.

“It’s not a lot, but hell.” the bong man replied.

Tori was so flustered that she jumped into the pile, began to rub the weed all over her body, and than felt like breaking out into song because of the joy. Immediatelly she ripped off her emo pullover and wiped the paint from her eyes and face because all of this weed made her too damn happy. I mean too damn happy!

“Hello?” the bong man asked.

“AHAHAHAHA! I’ve never seen so much weed in my life!!!” Tori screamed in joy.

“Wow, you must not have seen a lot. We used to have pyramids worth.”

“Must smoke this all now!”

“Well pack me up and let’s have a party!”

Tori was so high that she couldn’t even think straight. The bong man smiled and then cackled evilly.

“You’ve fallen into my trap!” A voice shouted out from behind her.

“Huh?” Tori asked.

It was the wicked ass bassist of the west side grunge scene with his band. They were mighty fucking pissed off!

“I’m sorry, I was using you to get high so the wicked ass bassist of the west side grunge scene could come to you.” the bong man said quickly.

“What?” Tori asked with a stoned over tone.

“You’ve fallen into my trap! Now you will have to meet my band!” the bassist of the west exclaimed.

“Wait, so you used me to get high so this dude could find me? You backstabbed me?! I don’t even know you!” Tori exclaimed.

“Yeah, I’m a bastard.” The bong man said quickly.

“Well now you shall watch my band out do your band…” the bassist of the west said quickly. “OH! Wait a minute, you don’t have a band! So that means your fucked! Now fall in awe from my band, the rabid flying monkeys!!!”

The band which was composed of the bassist of the west and three drugged out dudes began to play. Tori clenched her teeth as her buzz went away.

“I saw her walking down the street, her name was Shelly!” the singer of rabid flying monkeys sung.

“Shelly!” the rest of the band screamed.

“And she was a slut, and her name was Shelly!”

“Shelly!”

“Oh man, you guys suck!” Tori exclaimed as her buzz finally died.

“I love you, SHELLY!” the lead singer screamed out before the band just shredded away.

“OH my god, somebody fucking kill me!!!” Tori cried in horror.

“Hey, we totally rock!” the wicked ass bassist of the west side grunge yelled as the band stopped playing.

“Man, you sound like the Bare naked ladies and Metallica had a retarded baby of a band that happens to be you guys!” Tori said with a smart ass voice.

“Hey, I like the Bare naked ladies.” the guitarist of the band said.

“Well go figure! Since I’m unimpressed, what are you gonna do now?” Tori asked.

“We never did plan that… But! Let’s play a cover song!” the bassist of the west exclaimed.

“YEAH!” the band shouted next before playing some shitty nameless cover song (and for the record I’m just gonna say its “Redneck Woman” because I fucking hate that song…) that was so shitty Tori packed the bowl on the bong before hitting even more. Weed couldn’t save this shitty band. Over an hour passed and Tori was so drugged out she couldn’t even move.

“Oh my god, if I had known that this band sucked so bad, I wouldn’t have sold you out.” the bong man said with a tear in his eye.

“You are a bastard, but I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Tori said back.

“Well there is nothing you can do! Just admit you suck!” the wicked ass bassist of the west exclaimed.

Tori’s right eye twitched as she turned to him. “We don’t suck. You suck! So what, I have no music, but I can beat you at any competition. You name it mother fucker, I’m not gonna crack, I’ll kick your ass!”

“Well then name it.”

“I’ll out smoke you.”

“Whoa, I’m sorry, I don’t smoke weed, it’s bad for your body.”

“Hahaha! I win! You suck! I just duped all of you!” Tori exclaimed before lifting up the bong man and dancing.

“Put me down!” the bong man cried.

“Sure thing mother fucker!” Tori shouted before smashing him on the ground.

Smoke pillowed up through the air and caused the whole band to start hacking and coughing. Tori quickly ran away while the band was left in a cloud of smoke trying to think straight.

“We totally got duped!” the drummer of the band shouted while coughing.

Nobody was quite sure what just happened, but the bong man was dead, and Tori finally made her escape. She was no longer in danger, closer to the wicked-ass bassist of the north, and finally able to ditch that super depressing emo look once and for all. Things were dong good…

“Damn it, I can’t believe she beat us!” the bassist of the west exclaimed as he continuously coughed.

“I knew this wasn’t going to work.” the guitarists said.

“Well what do we do now?” the drummer added.

“We await… I’ll handle them. Next time I will totally fuck all of them over!” the bassist of the west declared.

“You know this chapter sucks right?” the drummer of the band asked as he ate a banana.

“Undoubtedly!” the bassist of the west replied..