Author: Aoi Luna PM
I'm sorry I don't live up to your expectations...I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you want me to be...I'm sorry for being me. Actual letter written to my mom...Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Words: 635 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 01-25-07 - Status: Complete - id: 2310197
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I'm sorry I'm not like all the other girls, but they get on my nerves. I'm sorry for not being more helpful, but you made me this way. It's not that I don't want to help, it's just you yell at me when I do. I'm sorry I can hardly do anything for myself, it's just you say I do it wrong and take over making me feel that you want to do it. I'm sorry I don't fit in with everyone else, but hey, that's what happens when you're nonconformist. I'm sorry I like to listen to foreign music, I guess it's a bad thing I'm open minded. Now I'm not writing this to make you mad, I just want to know why you've been so angry lately and making my feel miserable. Can you answer that? There has to be another reason besides I don't help out around the house.
I'm sorry I don't talk about boys all the time, I guess it's a bad thing I find other things to talk about that are of interest to me. I'm sorry I'm not obviously the daughter you want me to be. All these years I thought you were proud of me because I didn't follow the crowd. I guess I was terribly wrong. Sorry but my not following the crowd isn't going to stop. Why is it only to you I look like a boy? I thought you liked it when I first got it cut…did I read you wrong? I'm not saying I'm not grateful for everything you do…you do so much, how can I not be grateful? Maybe I just have had a hard time showing it all these years. Maybe I should change myself completely and live up to the social expectations of all women. Maybe you'll be happy with me then and I'll be the unhappy one because that's apparently what you want. I don't want to get married not have children! Why can't you see someone can be happy with just being alone? The truth is, even if I don't get married, I'll never really be alone. I'm assuring you again, I'm not writing this to make you mad. I'm just letting you know how I've been feeling this past week.
And you know what else, why do you let my own brother and sister to put me down without getting in trouble but when I say something to them you yell at me? I know I'm the oldest but damn! How come you let them? It's like they're allowed to feel better than me! Do you think they're better than me? Apparently, it seems you do.
I hope you know, you're driving me away from you. At this rate we'll never be close. It hurts me to say this. It hurts me to say this but I feel like I can't open up to you at all without you going off and telling someone or teasing me about it. It's hurting me inside to write this to you. Why have you been so mean to me lately? We may still have a chance to mend our relationship but who knows really.
Once again, I'm sorry for being myself all the time and not being ashamed of it. I'll try changing so that you can be happy. I'll just be unhappy so you can be happy. Don't beat yourself up over this because I'm just saying how you've been making me feel.