November 11, 2005, around probably eleven o’clock or midnight…

Today wasn’t as good as the last few have been. I haven’t written for a few days, but that’s because everything’s been pretty hectic. I had to drop out of school to be able to take on a full time job, and the principal was pretty mad at me for it. I almost wanted to throw a fit, but it was like Hell having to walk through those clouded double doors into the cold, foreboding office of Satan himself.

I took on a job as a full-time busgirl at a local family diner. Lakeview Inn, or something like that. Since I started the job back in April, they haven’t been very nice to me. I couldn’t get hired anywhere else, though, since I’m underage and haven’t finished school.

But as a busgirl, I get to see the truth behind a lot of things. I also work sometimes as a waitress, if we’re running low or if someone calls in sick, but that doesn’t happen very often, since the food we serve isn’t very good. One time I was working as a waitress, and I found some men trading illegal substances—drugs, I think. Not sure, but I know it was against the law. I kept my mouth shut.

The money I make as a busgirl isn’t very good compared to what was needed to keep our small family running. My mom’s new boyfriend is kind of a sleaze, but I won’t say anything. His name’s Aden and he’s forty five years old, and my mom’s only thirty one. I know she wasn’t ready for a kid when she was fifteen, but now that I’m old enough to do things for myself, she acts like I’m not even hers anymore. She just acts like I’m some bum she picked up off the street and treats her nasty new boyfriend like a God on a throne.

Mom doesn’t do much work. Her job as a stripper hasn’t been getting much publicity because of her jail time a few years ago. I mean, isn’t something so obvious as a stripper being a private prostitute kind of expected? None of the women she worked with ever got caught. Unfortunately, since then mom’s been having kind of a hard time finding work.

Aden doesn’t work either. Dad used to work, but the money he gives us each month has been getting less and less and then yesterday, the letter never came.

This morning was hellish. When I woke up to go to work, I heard Aden screaming at my mom. I didn’t want to leave my room, but I had to go to work, so I had to walk right past the fight. My mom had blood on her face, I’m not sure from where or if it was even hers, but Aden had her against a wall and was saying something quiet so I couldn’t hear whatever it was he was threatening her with. I ate toast and then quietly watched them, and after a few minutes he kissed her and apparently everything was okay again. I got scared and left for work.

When I came home a few hours later, about seven hours ago I guess, they were nowhere to be found. I was searching around the house and then I got a sense like…I wasn’t alone. It was ridiculous to think that we were in the process of being robbed, because we were on the brink of poverty.

I ran into my room and shut the door. I tried to get the light on but nothing was working and I must’ve looked stupid while I was fumbling around in the dark for a flashlight. I felt a hand go around my mouth and smelled something like alcohol from someone who came out of the shadows in my room.

I realized when he started talking that it was Aden. Drunk, barbaric, and stupid Aden. He started rambling about how my mother was his and I wasn’t hers and how I wasn’t really a part of the family. He went on about how my dad left us and then he came to sweep my mother off of her feet. I can still smell his rancid breath and it still freaks me out.

Whatever he said in his slurred escapade hurt me. I can’t really remember most of it, because I’ve been sitting here crying for quite a few hours. It was painful, though, and the first thing that came to my mind was “RUN AWAY, NIKKI MARIE THORNTON!” So I did. I charged out of there like a bullet, packing a backpack of clothes and food and then hitting the road.

I should feel bad about leaving my mom behind with that psycho, but I guess…I really don’t. She didn’t even see me as her daughter. She went without love for me, so I can do the same for her, right? I know I’m only saying this as a heat of the moment thing, and later I’ll pay dearly for the actions I’ve taken.

Once I left the house I ran as far as I could without stopping. I ended up somewhere in downtown Brooklyn, and I’ve never been in Brooklyn before, so I definitely got lost quick. Yeah, sure, I’m a quick runner, but all the way from Flatbush…?

I wandered around for I guess an hour and ran into a lot of people. I met a few hobos, some crack dealers, and some random entrepreneurs trying to sell me their latest product or food that smelled oddly like burning hair. Not pleasant.

After a while I settled down in an alley behind a bakery. It smelled fairly good and I’ve been tempted to go in and buy a loaf of bread, but I figured I should wait till the morning when it’s fresh. I kept most of my money with me when I left the house.

I’m cold, and I’m lonely, I’m tired, and I’m scared. I’ve never heard of many people surviving life on the streets. Maybe while I’m out here, I’ll make friends who are in the same situation or something.