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Part IV: Winter, "Memories, and the Breaking of the Ties"
It was winter when Gerle stood frozen in place, mouth open but unable to speak, when she saw her sister-in-law carrying something downstairs that should have never been found. A tight-lipped frown on her face told the blonde beyond a doubt that she was already aware of the contents. The raven-haired fionncine woman's hands were tense on both rail and the dust-covered wooden box, her ears lying nearly flat against the sides of her head and eyes scanning over the common area below her. Clik, clak, clik. She descended the staircase in a manner that brought silence upon the entire room, each footstep heavier than it should be and commanding the attention of the two people standing on the lower floor. Gerle dared to look away for but a second in order to read her brother's expression, and just caught the moment when the curiosity in Farkas' eyes turned to dismal realization.
Lady Kali Linel, or so she had been called for the previous four years, paused only a moment in order to take in the situation she headed into, then resumed her rigid steps down the remainder of the wooden staircase, carrying herself with the same morbid dignity of a condemned woman heading for the gallows. Desperate, Gerle felt her heart pounding in her throat. Her eyes locked onto the box she had carved with inexperienced hands all those years ago and she couldn't tear away. She heard the uneasy shifting of boots nearby; Farkas was probably seeking an exit as badly as she wanted to, and not finding one. The harsh gaze of his wife held them both trapped.
When Kali reached the bottom, Gerle decided she could no longer do nothing. Clearing her throat, which immediately turned all attention in her direction, she moved toward her sister-in-law with the countenance of one approaching a hissing cat, hands out and false optimism in her face. "Oh, you found that... that old thing. I do wonder where--" but before she could complete her lie or get anywhere close, the fionncine woman jerked the box away, her free hand making an audible slap as she covered the carved top. There was a silence and Gerle drew her hands over one another in front of her chest submissively, the pretend smile fading away as she bit her lip and waited perhaps for Kali to say something. Contempt-filled dark eyes met her own and she could feel the older woman reading her thoughts as easily as one reads a book.
The gaze left her with little regard and traveled over to the rather cowering figure who stood looking at everything possible except directly at his spouse. She spent even less time analyzing that target, turning her attention once again to the wooden box contained in her hands and left Gerle, starting to walk once more. This time the step was gentler, not as heavy, but she carried even more of a prim and annoyed sort of atmosphere than before and the blonde knew she had likely made the situation at hand even worse. The noise of one of the dining chairs being pulled from the table made her tense. Now that she likely knew the darker side of her brother's history, what was Kali going to do?
Slowly, nervously, Gerle turned to face the kitchen area of the home and quickly took in the sight of the dreaded object lying, to her terror, opened upon the table. She swallowed hard. Kali removed the sizable stack of folded parchment contained therein, accidentally displacing many of the small objects with it, and several small wooden beads and a few strips of stamped leather fell out and went tumbling all over the tabletop and floor. She heard her brother take a shaken breath and she resisted the urge to rush forward and gather it all up and hide it away again. She wouldn't get far; especially against the former assassin that seated herself in the chair. Lady Linel gave them each a final harsh look, unfolded the first piece of parchment on the pile and began to read.
She had been only nine, running through the towering, thin pines of Isolde with her hair tied back in braids, as she approached a patched-up shack nestled back against the trees of what they all three called 'their' forest. Gerle threw open the door to their house, hearing it creak and scratch on its weak hinges, but seeing no one inside she let go again. Rather than seeming disappointed, she lit up with a smile, running around to the side of the house and peeking around it.
Thinking it a game of some kind, she ran at
her fastest speed around to the back of the house, hoping that if
indeed someone was hiding she would be able to catch him before he
evaded her. But alas, there was no one-- not even a track in the few
inches of snow that held to the house's shadow behind it like a
reminder of the winter that had just passed. Gerle examined her
surroundings, beginning to walk around the other side back to the
door, but a glimpse of an odd color against the wood in the corner of
her eye made her stop where she stood.
UNMINDFUL OF THE EARTH THAT BEGAT THEE
FORGETFUL OF GAEA'S WOMB
SHE SHALL
CAST ASIDE THE CHILDREN OF WICKEDNESS
AND
THEY SHALL NOT KNOW HER EMBRACE
She clenched her fists hard, tears welling in her eyes as she stared at the horrible words marring the side of her home. It wasn't the first time, even though there wasn't a real reason yet.
She watched Kali's reactions to each letter she read stir subtly under the veil of dignified stoicism. Disgust. Jealousy. Hatred. Anger. If she wasn't careful, sometimes a hint of anguish and heartbreak would slip through whenever she was either struck by whatever powerful words she read or in the moments between letters when she stopped to consider what she had discovered. A light cough from her, impossible to tell whether it was true or faked, sent such a startled, expecting reaction from the other two that they thought themselves stupid afterwards.
Gerle wished she had destroyed the box when she had a chance, as she looked apologetically at her brother. He didn't even raise his head. Unfortunately, she wanted to remind him, it is futile to try to disappear by simply wishing yourself away. No matter how hard you wish.
A basket of herbs and vegetables tumbled to the floor from a thirteen-year-old Gerle's hands, but no one ventured to pick up the mess or even notice it. Once frozen, she began to shake, blinking repeatedly and still unable to believe that she had walked in their cottage door to find her older brothers holding one another in an unmistakable sort of embrace. Her presence had at the least scared them out of the kissing she had mistakenly witnessed at the beginning, but she couldn't be thankful for that now. It was too late.
Unable to move, Gerle's eyes darted between the two, who were now busied untangling from each other. "I'm sorry," she stammered, barely remembering to breathe. "F-f-forgive me... I... I'm sorry..."
"Gerle..." Farkas began, extending a gentle but nervous hand in her direction while the eldest stepped back, crossing his arms, seemingly unable to decide what to do.
"No!" she cried out sharply, shocking even herself. "Don't... d-don't try to explain it!" A shiver.
Karval came forward quickly, and in fear of the darkened, conflicted look in his eyes, she shifted out of his way as he stepped carefully between the vegetables on the floor. Attention temporarily diverted from his sister, Farkas called after him, upset. "Where could you be going?"
"To get water," was the only answer that was barely heard as he pushed out the door. He was gone before anyone could even react.
Her remaining sibling looked cornered as he attempted to speak. "Please, just listen for a moment..."
"You'll both be killed!" she yelled, loud enough to reach the ears of all that could have wanted to hear.
Farkas lowered his head, looking shamefully at the floor.
"If they find out... they'll burn you! They'll burn you both at
stake!" Speaking more quietly, she stomped her foot to
compensate the emphasis, her voice cracking from the beginnings of
weeping. "Don't
you know that?"
"I'm not sorry," was all she heard him say as she turned
and ran from the cottage when her tears at last broke through.
Then her eyes turned to Kali again, and her brows knitted in concern. The sadness was more and more apparent in the fionncine's eyes with each of her husband's past love letters she read, her ears no longer aggressively against her head but drooping by a fraction. Gerle couldn't imagine what it must have been like for her. She had traveled with Farkas, and they had been married for several years and were raising two children thus far, but he had never told his wife this particular aspect of his past, and understandably so. Neither of the siblings remaining had ever really spoken about it even to each other for all that time. Kali had met their brother only a handful of times and only briefly, and her impression of him had been only in those later days of his life that he spent as a bloodthirsty mercenary and infamous drunkard. To connect the horrid man she had met to the gentle, affectionate voice used in the half of the letters he had written must have seemed highly strange to someone that wasn't present for and didn't understand the horrible changes life had put him through.
A fifteen-year-old Gerle jumped backwards, having been just reaching for the door of Isolde's crumbling tavern when it swung open and the very person she had been searching for was sent stumbling out into the night air. He disgracefully blundered left, then right, grabbed for the branch of an evergreen tree to steady himself and missed horribly, falling nearly face-first into the trunk and wrapping his arms around that instead as the door slammed behind him.
She gave a passing glance to the door, then sighed internally and, putting on her most careful manners, approached slowly. "Karval?"
"Is that you, Agrona?" he slurred, turning his head a bit. "I thought I said--" his glare immediately faded as soon as he recognized the shape of his sister, and he pushed himself up from his pitiable position against the tree into a wavering stand. "Ah. Gerle." A long pause. "Sorry."
"Are you all right?" Gerle inquired, intertwining her fingers together and taking a few more cautious steps toward him.
With a sound that made her fight not to gag, Karval turned to one side and spit on the ground, which somehow threw him off balance for several seconds. He then nodded at her, glancing around distractedly and inexplicably squinting in the already dim moonlight. "Where's Farkas?"
"In the forest," she answered, and was forced to tag behind his fast yet uncoordinated steps, for he immediately set off at these words. "We waited for you for a very long time, but you never came to supper. I only came to find where you were."
"Is there any left over?"
She nodded, though she knew he couldn't see it. "Yes. At home."
"I'll... I'll be at the house later," he said thoughtfully.
Gerle piped up quickly. "Going into the forest?"
Immediately she knew she had made a mistake. The steps halted and Karval teetered on his precarious balance, and she had to stop very abruptly in order to avoid colliding with him which would have probably knocked him flat. Silence reigned for several moments and she daren't speak.
"Yes," he said sharply, and at length. "Why?"
"No reason," Gerle quickly muttered, lowering her head and giving an outward show of submissiveness. A glance behind her. She knew she had to escape the situation, and though it was fact that Karval would never lay a hand on her, she simply wanted to avoid confrontation and the possibility of aggravating an already irritable person. "I'm going home," she stated, stepping backwards and turning her route toward the house. "I'll see you and Farkas when you return."
Leaving the box sitting on the table, she instead pulled a single wax candle free from the brass candelabrum and carried it with her to the lit stove across the room to light it. Once flame had taken hold, her vengeful look lit up as well, and as she headed back to the kitchen table her intentions were well known. Despite his fear Farkas had risen from his chair and was attempting to intercept her, but within a few feet of his wife something grabbed hold of his arm and dragged him backwards, and he found himself glancing over his shoulder into the upset face of his sister shaking her head fervently 'no'. The Lady Linel still paid the two of them no attention, not bothering to seat herself again. Giving the box one long, contemplative final look-over, the siblings behind her could do little but watch as she held the lighted candle above the despised thing.
Victory flashed in her eyes for only a moment, and she let go. Defeated, her husband lowered his head and looked away, unable to watch as the others did as the flames consumed the dry parchment in mere moments, scorched without catching hold on the dense wood of the crafted box, and died leaving behind nothing but blackened leather and a pile of flaky ash.
It was gone, Gerle told herself, staring at the charred remains. And strangely enough, the veil of sorrow lifted from her heart. It was over.
But within a moment it had turned back around on her. Kali turned sharply on her heel and both Linel siblings found themselves where they had begun this botched situation; caught under the lock of her otherworldly eyes. She looked from one, to the other, and softly (though it seemed terribly loud) spoke the first words she had said the whole time. "Is there anything else you wish me to know?"
Farkas clearly couldn't move, so Gerle negatively nodded for him. With a sigh, the woman then left the table, walking uncomfortably close to her husband as she did so, and headed immediately for the door. Large, wet flakes of snow drifted lazily in as she opened it to the cold night air, and even in her thin, flowing black clothing, she was outside with the door closed behind her without hesitation.
Gerle was at the window in a moment, wiping what she could of the condensation away with the sleeve of her dress and peering out into the strange combination of darkness and white. Unable to see Kali, she then turned around to face Farkas, who hadn't yet left his spot by the table. "Aren't you going to do something?" she asked, frustrated and expectant. No answer, and her voice raised. "Don't you have anything to say to her?"
"What?" he shot back in distress, folding his arms across his chest and refusing to raise his eyes from the floor. "Something she doesn't already know?"
She turned back to the glass before her. Kali was easily visible now, bent over and seeming to be looking for something right behind the pile of firewood stacked outside of the window. Standing on her toes, the blonde could get a slightly better angle, and when she noticed that her sister-in-law was out there because she was losing her dinner in the snow, she ran to the door as well, regarding her brother with naught but an aggravated sound before she left.
Kali wasn't retching anymore by the time she got out there, in fact she was no longer even behind the firewood pile. The oil lamp that usually sat atop the wood was missing as well, and Gerle glanced around her. The city of Esche was dark but homely on this winter night, snow that fell in heavy flakes drifted from the sky without disturbances from wind and covered the angled rooftops in a thick shroud. The entire atmosphere had a still, sleepy ambiance to it, and not a sound issued from the streets and homes, though firelight shone from many a window.
A glimpse of a moving yellow glow caught Gerle's attention from the gently-sloped hill that sat just beside their home, and she took off running. Her skirts dragged in the snow, which was nearly up to her knees in some places, and her shoes were not at all meant for the outdoors, rather being made for nobility that stayed mostly indoors, and her feet were soaking and frozen within seconds. She followed Kali's tracks down the path, which was currently hidden under the thick blanket of white, and at last came to the crest of the small hill. Her sister-in-law was there, lamp hanging from a nearby tree branch, with her hands in an unearthly grip on the single stone slab that stood up from the ground, and her entire body hunched over in an anger that threatened to unleash and destroy everything she could get a hold of.
It was winter when Gerle Linel decided she wouldn't take it anymore.
"Isn't it enough that you burned it all, right in front of his face like that?" she yelled, rooting herself in the ground despite the chilling snow, and clenching her fists in the face of the dangerous woman's rage and jealousy. "Would you destroy all else we had to remember him by?"
The sidelong look this earned from Kali would have normally made Gerle immediately turn submissive, and it almost made her apologize, but she stopped herself and shook her head in defiance. "You would go as far as to desecrate his grave? I was sure your people had more respect for the dead."
Kali, at the very least, released from her savage grip on the gravestone. "I cannot forgive this immorality of them," she stated dully. "And even of you, who knew, yet said nothing."
"I don't care if you forgive me. No one wants your forgiveness, Kali. I'm not sorry, and neither was Karval! Your husband isn't either!" She took a shaky breath, on the edge of crying simply because she was so irate and anxious. "I promised them I would keep it a secret, and I kept that promise as long as I could, and by putting that box where it could be found I broke it. But I won't let you condemn what they did when you don't even know the truth!"
"I have seen all I wish to see of the truth," came the argument.
"Then run away from it, like I did. Be a coward as I once was. But if you ever loved my brother at all you will listen to what I have to say." When Kali didn't move, but merely kept her the object of her full attention, she went on, lowering her voice to reasonable, negotiable levels. "Then man you met on your travels was not Karval as Farkas and I once knew him. Those words in the letters were not lies. He was once a kind person, who used to look out for the both of us at risk of his own health and life.
"We were outcasted. We were alone in the village after we lost our parents, and they were forced to raise me on their own. I don't know how, and I can't attempt to understand why, but when they began to get older, they thought they fell in love. When I found out by accident, I told them that it was all right and it didn't bother me... but I lied. But, I didn't think there was anything I could do to stop them. I still cared about them deeply, though, and I was afraid more than anything that the village would discover them and I would have... probably had to watch them both die. So I vowed to protect them from their own sins.
"Everything went badly after Karval changed, when he started drinking. He started being cruel to Farkas, and less so but to me as well. And like a coward I ran away, to a place where I thought I would never have to deal with it again. I took that box with me only because I was afraid they would forget to keep it safe, and look at myself. I've broken my vow. But I will keep my other promise, and that was to defend them if I had to.
"I don't care what you think of me for it. And I know my brother loves you. This is the truth. He feels badly only because you're hurt, it's not real remorse, but he's telling himself it is because he wants it to be. But the fact of the matter is, he cannot feel regretful about what he has done. There were no lies in his letters, and there are no lies in the things he says to you. And that, sister, is all I will ever say about this again. I swear it."
All the while during Gerle's spill of emotions and words, Kali's tension and ferocity seemed to blow away like a light cloud. An unreadable look was on her face as she turned away from the human, wrapping her bare arms around herself and displaying for the first time that night the chill that had worked its way into her bones. Her eyes closed, and taking a deep breath, she sunk to her knees in the snow in front of the gravestone and folded her hands before her in the manner of her people's ritualistic prayer. After several long minutes, she began to speak.
"I kneel before the hundred-winged Lady of the Underworld, who is adorned with various ornaments, who shines like the blood-stone jewel, who is rising from Her throne with bone-crafted crown, with four arms, wearing sword and rod on the right side, who holds the noose and bell on the left side, and who gives protection from all fear of hell to Her devotees. I ask that She open the crystal windows to allow my voice passage into the eighteen halls of her castle."
The blonde woman's lips hung just slightly apart as she witnessed this. What was she doing?
"I invoke the presence of the soul of he who has been born in my family and subsequently died without any means of aid from the tortures of the infernal planes. I offer this prayer for the liberation of the spirit who has been kept confined within the dark walls of the hells known as the castle of eighteen levels. I offer this prayer for the elevation of the spirit in the astral plane who, for his countless misdeeds in life, and through the workings of the propulsions of ignoble passions turned into dynamics of Fate, is perpetually lowering in the graduated scale of life, and to whom a working upward to the plane of mortals existence has become a thing of rarest impossibility, that he may one day vanquish his Trials and stand absolved from all debts due to him by his actions. May the frightened cease to be afraid and those bound be freed; may the powerless find power, and may all people achieve unity with one another."
Having said all this, Kali rose back to a stand, her hands still folded, and performed a graceful bow to the tombstone. When her hands came to rest at her sides again, she turned and walked briskly past Gerle, signaling to the oil lamp. "I'll leave it here, if you're staying outside."
Speechless at the reverence she had just witnessed out of this woman, who had every right to hate the man she had just honored, Gerle merely gaped at her for a minute before finding the words, "Thank you, Kali."
For just a moment, her sister-in-law flashed her a genuine smile. And then she was gone. Gerle heard the front door open and shut, and she was left alone on the hill. Her eyes turned skyward and she felt the snowflakes fall and gently land on her skin, she looked up and saw them, as numerous as the stars in the sky, endlessly coming down to cover the earth. Muting and calming the spirits of the living as they sat indoors and watched the world experience a moment of purest tranquility. In the corner of her eye, the flame in the lamp moved with a sudden current, although there was no wind, and Gerle thought for a moment that she just might have felt a familiar presence.
