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Defining Chemistry
Chapter One: Photocopied Days
The sun woke Kalryie up. Having the sun shine on her face was such a rare occurrence it snapped her awake instantly. For a few seconds she wondered why the hell it was on her face, why her back and neck ached and why she seemed cold. Then she groaned.
She’d fallen asleep on the sofa again.
Slowly, internally berating herself, she lifted her wrist and almost absently glanced at her watch. Then looked again.
“Fuck!”
It was 9.34. Her first class had started four minutes ago. And it didn’t matter that her dorm was only three minutes away from the lecture halls, she was still going to be obscenely late.
Kalryie half fell off the sofa, stumbling to her feet. She stood still, mentally listing what she needed to have done four – no, she looked at her watch again – five minutes ago. Then she moved. She went to the TV, ejecting the tape and putting it safely away with the rest and turned everything off. Then she switched her stereo on, and the CD in started playing. Mozart, because Liam knew she liked classical, and Mozart was the only classical he knew.
She stripped out of yesterday’s clothes, grimacing, and took a two-minute shower, making sure not to wet her hair. Brushing her teeth while she dried off, she did a rapid check of her face and hair. No need for straighteners, thank god. Then she dressed in the laid out clothes, brushed her hair and tied it up in a ponytail, and grabbed her bag. It was prepared last night, so she slipped in a bottle of water and a banana, scooped up her keys, mobile and coat, turned the stereo off and left. No time for make-up. Not that it was needed.
She ran the three minutes to the halls, making in it just over a minute, and glanced at the white board as she passed. Her class was in room 102.
Reaching it, she slid to a stop and pushed the door open. Everyone looked up as she walked in, and her lecturer raised an eyebrow.
“Sorry Angie,” Kalryie apologized, slipping into a seat next to Liam. Angie just rolled her eyes then continued talking.
Liam manoeuvred his notes so she could see, and flashed her a smile, which she returned. She pulled out a pen and notebook, and glanced at her watch. 9.44. Ten minutes.
Not bad.
“Twice in one week! Kal, you’re slipping. How you gonna be perfect with that track record?” Liam’s voice was teasing. The look in his eye wasn’t. His concern was so obvious it was pathetic, and Kalryie ignored it.
“I just overslept.” Her voice was flat and bored, as was the expression on her face. Even her posture and hand placement showed her complete ‘not caring’ attitude.
He laughed, and threw an arm around her. And she let him, because he was Liam. Touching was his way of showing his worry. Which was stupid, because he touched everyone, but idle touches spoke more than intimate ones. She knew he wouldn’t squeeze the shoulder of a one-night stand.
“We got old Barrymore at 12. I still haven’t got all the lines down.”
“I’ll practice with you.”
“You’re a star, Kal.” He squeezed again and let go. She knew her lines, and would bet a lottery win Liam knew his.
They both had to be good at learning lines. After all, they attended Capa as university students, and Capa was the one of the most widely acclaimed academy for performing arts in Europe. Possibly even further, though she wouldn’t stake her life on it.
And no matter what your course selection was, whether you were overlapping or doing something completely obscure. No matter what, there were only three camps: Singer. Dancer. And Actor.
Liam and Kalryie were Actors. When she’d protested at being called the masculine noun, a haughty third year had informed her that Actor wasn’t the same as being an actor. It wasn’t a career. It was a label.
It was also a mocking joke. The irony of the labels was that if you were studying at Capa, you weren’t Singers, Dancers or Actors. You were students. And, yes, there was a difference.
Turning the corner, they came in sight of the meeting place. It was an area of grass, brick wall and two picnic tables that her group of friends had claimed as their own just over three months ago, at the start of the year.
It was crowded. She counted twelve, and not everyone was there. It didn’t help that the place wasn’t exactly exclusive. If you were friends with someone there, you were welcome. And people like Chloe and Jay were practically friends with the whole city.
Jay was currently drumming out a beat on a table, and Chloe was too busy curled up into Tyler to notice their approach.
Liam spotted that. And just couldn’t resist. “Damn, wherever they are, I wanna go. You think they have plasma TVs?”
The others looked at them and sniggered. Chloe seemed to resurface, and turned red. “Liam!” Tyler didn’t say anything, but his eyes took in all the grinning faces, and he sighed.
Kalryie sat next to Mia, who grinned and thumped her on the arm. “Hey girl! Missed you last night. You should have stayed longer, you missed Josh getting drunk and chatting up the sofa.”
She shrugged, and ignored Liam’s curious gaze. He’d been on a date last night, and hadn’t heard Kalryie had skipped out early. “I was feeling tired.”
For once, Mia didn’t push it.
Kalryie didn’t know whether to be grateful or disappointed.
Five minutes passed peacefully, with a couple of people coming and going. Kalryie chatted with Mia and Liam, and eventually Chloe noticed her and gave her a cheerful greeting. She returned it less than enthusiastically and Chloe, confused, turned back to Tyler.
Then Mia looked up and swore. “Fuck. The bastard has to come and fuck everything up more, doesn’t he?”
She looked up. There, with two of his friends, was Steve. Of course, there was no reason for him to stay away. He had friends here, including both Liam and Josh. But the others wavered. Some looked at Mia and Jay, who was clenching his fists angrily. Others echoed Liam and Josh’s grins.
Kalryie stole a glance at the other characters in the play. Chloe was stiff, determinedly looking away from her ex. Tyler stared at him, gaze cool. Kalryie reached in her bag and pulled out her book.
“Hey man, what’s up?” Josh high-fived Steve.
“Nothing much. You?”
Josh’s reply was interrupted by Mia. “Just fuck off, will you?”
Liam looked at her. “Mia, calm down. He’s here to talk to his friends. That isn’t a crime, right?”
“I don’t care,” Jay chimed in. “It’s damn disrespectful, and stupid, and malicious. He knows he isn’t wanted here-“
“Speak for yourself.” Josh glared at him, and Jay switched his anger to him.
Liam tried to play mediator. “Look, stop this. We were all friends once. Most of us still are. I don’t see why we can’t all be cordial.”
“That fucker messed it up!”
“Mia, you weren’t even directly involved.” Liam was growing desperate, yet that glint in his eye showed he was amused, too. He just loved these real life dramas.
It was Steve who answered. “You know, none of you are being very equal. Takes two to tango you know.”
Kalryie turned a page, her attention focused on the plot, which had just picked up. She could feel the tension around her, alive and hungry for blood. The spectators were switching sides every few seconds, and Kalryie could feel some watching her. She ignored them all.
“Stop it!” Chloe stood up, facing Steve dead on. He looked back at her, pose indolent. “I don’t want this fighting. Steve, there’s no wound to rub salt in, so stop trying. And don’t even try to stir up trouble, because it won’t work! I made my decision, and I’m sticking with it.”
Steve sneered at her. “I have to wonder about your logic, though. Keeping a proven slut right near your new toy.”
Liam walked over to Steve and looked him in the eye. “You made your point, Steve. I think it’s time to go.”
“It’s not against the law for me to be here!”
“I know,” Liam agreed. “But it’s causing trouble. Come on, man. Be the bigger man. Be the one to walk away.” The ‘this time’ went unspoken, but they all heard it.
Steve stared at him, his eyes narrowed. But Liam was open, guileless. He’d made no disguise of where his allegiance was, and it wasn’t against Steve, or for him. In a way, he was Belgium.
With one last sneer to the group, he turned and stalked away. Josh hesitated, then sat down. He didn’t want to pick sides either. But with Mia and Jay’s glowers at him, he guessed one had been picked for him.
Chloe lasted well, a few minutes. But then she said her goodbyes and left, Tyler following. Confrontation was never her style, and that had certainly counted as a messy, awkward confrontation.
Liam managed to work his magic, making the others laugh and temporarily forget the broken and burning bridges. It was a talent that made his refusal to take a stance, or take anything seriously, bearable. After a while even Jay joined in, though Mia remained rigid and brooding.
Kalryie felt eyes on her, watching and waiting. Waiting for her to get up, to leave, to flee. Where to was anyone’s guess. Her room? Chloe? Steve? Wondering whether she would show the slightest hint of discomfort, of a reaction to the argument that had come and gone around her.
Kalryie turned another page, and read. She never did what was expected of her. It was a form of masochism, but it was also defiance. And, for her, it was necessary.
Eventually Liam pulled her away to practice, and coddle, and he almost convinced her as well to forget about Steve, Chloe and everything else. Almost.
In their group of friends, it was the place to go. Chloe had first met Tyler there. Kalryie, Chloe and Mia had had their first drinks in the new city there. They studied, practised and relaxed there, where the drinks were quality, the food tasty and the servers remembered the regular’s names.
When they entered, Liam pulled her over to a table in the corner. The corner tables were nice, with a seat rather than chairs that went around it. This was too big a table for two, which was explained by the other three people sitting there. Kalryie scowled.
“Can’t avoid them forever,” he whispered in her ear. No, she couldn’t. But she should be allowed to try.
Despite being only a couple of hours after the fight, Chloe was recovered and beamed happily when they approached. Her greeting included Liam, but her smiles were directed at Kalryie. There was an eager worry in her eyes that caused Kalryie to look away.
Mia yelled a hey, dragging Kalryie to sit next to her. Liam grinned, sitting on the edge, and the three faced the couple. She was briefly amused at Tyler’s nod and cool, “Hello, Kalryie”. She could almost pity him, having to pretend to be polite when she knew he disliked her.
Kalryie would prefer him to be honest. She didn’t mind subterfuge, but you had to be good at it. Tyler was no actor. Then again, there was a reason he was a Dancer.
“So, what food is being ordered?” Liam’s voice was relaxed and light.
“Oh, there’s a homemade soup with bread that they cooked. It looks nice, with vegetables.” Chloe enthused.
Mia didn’t bother looking at the menu on the blackboard. “I’m having a Cornish pasty.”
Tyler smiled at Chloe. “I’ll have the soup with you.”
“Hm.” Liam stared at the menu, considering. “Pity this place doesn’t do chips and burgers. Guess I’ll have a farmer’s breakfast.”
“It’s past 10.30.” Kalryie pointed it.
“And?”
She rolled her eyes.
A perky blonde sauntered over to the table, giving them a grin. “Hey guys. You ordering?”
Chloe nodded. “Yeah. Two of the soups, please Staci.”
“Cornish pasty for me, girl.”
Liam grinned at her, leaning forward. “Staci. My, don’t you look gorgeous.”
She laughed and snapped her notepad onto his head. “Liam, you flirt, I’m not having sex with you.”
“Pity. I bet you’re killer.”
“Your order?” But Staci was laughing.
“Farmer’s breakfast please, my angel.”
Staci gave him a look. “It’s past half ten.”
“And?” He paused, and grinned at Kalryie. “Déjà vu.”
She sighed wearily. “Fine! You’re just lucky my boyfriend is the cook. I won’t tell him you keep propositioning me. How about you, Kalryie?”
“Tuna and salad sandwich, thanks.”
Staci nodded. “I’m guessing you’re all having the regular drinks?” They all nodded except Mia, who asked for a Coke. “Alright. I’ll bring them up in a few.”
She left and they began chatting. Liam and Mia started arguing over cars in Need For Speed, while Tyler and Chloe started whispering to each other. Kalryie played people watching, which wasn’t nearly as fun when you were doing it alone.
The conversation died down when the food arrived, but not by much. Mia broke off the argument with Liam to realise Tyler and Chloe were having a two people party.. She scowled, obviously annoyed, but managed to stay quiet.
Kalryie gave her two minutes.
A minute and a half later, Mia snapped. Kalryie turned her eyes to the window. It looked like she wasn’t paying attention, but she could see their reflections perfectly.
“Oh, you two, can I join or is there room for just two in this club of yours?”
Chloe looked at her, confused. “My? What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong!” She snorted. “You haven’t said a word to us since we got here. You don’t say anything to anyone except him.” She sneered at Tyler, who looked uncomfortable.
Chloe had an expression of confusion and dawning distress. “Oh, Mia, that’s not true. I don’t…I don’t mean to.”
“Bullshit! You get a new boyfriend and suddenly we’re not good enough for you?”
“That’s not true!”
Mia was mean when angry, but she was only this vicious when she was hurt. She moved in on Chloe, circling hungrily, and Chloe began to crack. Tyler looked on worriedly, but he didn’t know enough about the dynamics to intervene. And he hadn’t been a part of them long enough to be allowed to.
Liam just watched like a Roman at the coliseum. His face was solemn, but his eyes glittered.
“Why you lying, huh? Who you trying to convince?”
“Ex…excuse me, I’ll be right back.” Chloe backed out and almost ran to the toilets. Everything stopped, but the air was heavy and charged.
Tyler then proved himself not to be the coward she thought. However, he was just as dumb. He leaned forward. “That wasn’t necessary. She’s going through a hard enough time without you turning against her as well.” The latter comment was pointed.
“You think I don’t know that?” Mia hissed. “I don’t want to be mad at her, but I also want to see her every once in a while. And you have no right to speak since this is your fault!”
“That’s not true.” It was funny. Kalryie had never heard of Tyler fighting back, but maybe Chloe brought out the fighter in him. Something had to. “She needs someone who understands. In your group she doesn’t know where she stands. Even with her friends she’s confused and misplaced. She needs someone she can rely on, someone she doesn’t have to second guess her every word and movement with.”
“If you hadn’t come along she’d still be with Steve-“
“How is that a good thing? Besides, I wasn’t the one who broke the relationship.” Another pointed comment.
“Why did it have to change?” Mia wailed. She kept glaring at Tyler, though. She needed someone to blame. Steve was too universal and distant – how could she only blame someone she hardly ever saw? The other person worthy of blame it wasn’t possible for her to do so.
Liam glanced at his watch, then did a comical double take. The other two were too busy having a glaring contest to notice. “Would you look at the time, it’s past two! We have to be at the lecture hall at quarter past! Come on!” His voice was high and horror filled, his movements desperate and panicked. He threw down some money, grabbed Kalryie’s arm and hurled her out of the café, almost sprinting.
When they got past the window he slowed to a stroll, wrapping an arm around her waist. “It’s such a beautiful day, full of arctic winds and subzero temperatures. Why should we spend it cooped up in an oven about to explode?”
“We don’t have another lecture today.”
“We would have had if we’d stuck round there much longer.”
She couldn’t help but smile at that. They walked along for a bit in silence, until she bit the bullet. “Aren’t you going to ask me about it?”
Liam just laughed. “Kal, my dear, you don’t seem to realise how alike we are. If I ask you something you don’t want to answer, you’ll only lie.”
She let that one slide. After all, he was completely right.
On the surface, everything had been the same. Chloe still smiled and talked lightly to her. Mia still snapped at everyone. Kalryie still acted bored and cold. But there was a difference, she could feel it. And she had no right to complain.
Her room was dark and silent. She crossed to the stereo and turned it on, switching the CD to another mix. This one was Celtic tunes that she turned down low. Then she went to her videos.
After making her selection, she prepared everything for tomorrow and this time changed into a nightgown. There wasn’t time to wash her hair, but she wet it and promised to do it tomorrow. When she was finished she was sleepy, but nowhere near tired.
She put the phone on charge, checking it to make sure she didn’t have any messages. Lately the flood she’d receive during the day had died down. As she’d expected, her inbox was empty.
Kalryie knew she should check her email, but she couldn’t summon the enthusiasm. Instead she curled up on her sofa with a glass of wine and a berry mix, and turned the video on.
As the familiar scenes came to life, she hoped she could stay awake long enough to go to bed this time.