Inside of the Mind

Inside my mind there is a mystical and enchanted world, but it is also tormented by the facts of everyday life, which is portrayed differently in my ”reality.”

The belief of a better reality lies within but the drastic images that the real world acknowledges sometimes cover up the almost dream world. Many people around the world try to find ways of escaping true reality and therefore conjure up a world of their own where they can live in peace and have the chance to be happy. It is completely normal that a person would want to cover up their reality and veil it with love and prosperity, just to feel better about the world they live in. Occasionally a person stares into space and simply wonders about anything. Their mind is unfocused and they have an empty gaze on their faces. This is the moment when those certain people are at peace. In the following essay I will be describing both the good and bad about my fantasy world where everything is perfect, or so it seems.

Every once in a while I escape reality and go into a world full of wonder. Everything is in my head, but that doesn’t make it less real than existence. In my world everything is so warm and it fills your heart with joy. It’s so peaceful and quiet that you can literally hear flowers blooming. The birds chirp happily and all the animals are doing whatever it is they do. Everything just seems perfect and it all is too good to be true. The sun hits your skin and your whole body begins to be filled with warmth and peace. Whenever I go into that place everything around me just seems to fade away. All the annoyances and frustrations of everyday life just seem to be blown away, far away from where I'm at and all that’s left is this magical world where there’s no trouble, no obnoxious people to bother me.

While in that world there is always a breeze, a cool breeze, but the breeze doesn’t make you cold, if anything it makes you calmer. There is a hill. On top of the hill sits a palace made of crystal. The crystal palace is so precious and lovely that no one ever touches it. In the distance there is always a voice, beyond the crystal palace. There is a mystery in the voice. Then its gone, it leaves without notice. The voice seems far away, but in a way it seems close to me as if it was calling out to say hi. The voice is gentle but frightening at the same time. After I come out of my little world I start to think about who’s voice it could have been and every time I think about someone different. I think that the most recent person that I have talked to would be that voice, or maybe just someone from my memory, someone that I wish was with me right that second. Back into my mystical place everything seems to be having a great time, I just lay on the fragrant flowers that had just been sprinkled by the morning dew and wonder about nothing. This world would never be the same twice. There is always some brown stick in the wrong spot or a blue jay instead of a robin singing with its graceful voice, but nonetheless this place is one I bet everyone would enjoy just to relax and be comfortable, accepted, and not have to worry about life.

Society inflicts a new personality to that of which we are already used to. It molds our personalities and that is not good. When your personality is molded that means that you’re not yourself anymore. Everything that you knew or thought about yourself now means nothing, as if it never existed. When you allow yourself to fall into peer pressure and to forget who you are then you become just another person. Your not special anymore, you’re just one in a crowd. Sometimes I’ll fall into that torment of being “just one in a crowd” and I forget who I really am inside. Everything just begins to crumble right when you think you have everything in perfect form. Your world would collapse and everything you believed in would vanish. Society tends to ignore the personal needs of each person and just make everyone the same. It also makes you angry at the world. Have you ever had such a bad day where everything goes wrong and you wish that you could just escape? Well I do. I even have that extra world where I can be no one and ill be away from the truth. In that world everything is the complete opposite of the first. In my fantasy world I am somebody important, but in my evil chimera I am just a nobody and everything feels completely different from the fantasy world. This world helps you appreciate how good your life may be.

Not everything is always great there. When life has burdened me with is lies and evilness then my world is different. It turns into hate. Everything suddenly becomes dark. All the animals are gone, the birds, squirrels and even the deer and wild horses. The crystal palace that sat on the lonely hill vanishes and melts into the molten lava which pores outs from under it. All the flowers are burned and the air is filled with smoke and fear. In the place where the crystal palace once stood now there lies a dark castle, more mysterious than the crystal palace for one could only wonder what horrors lie within. The once warm sun become invoked by the darkness which now fills the sky, black as night but there are stripes of red filled what seem to be phantoms and spirits of the dead. In those red stripes they thrive on fear and grow stronger with each minute. The only assurance you have is knowing that they cannot leave the frightening red stripes, for if they do they will surely perish and become nothingness, just like the sun. In this world everything goes wrong. It reminds you of everyday life. Although this world of everyday life is intensely exaggerated, it tends to give off that vibe that lets you know what it is displaying. Not everything is fine and dandy and everybody has had their ups and downs. This world has simply been elevated to a higher level of the mishaps of everyday life.

In this world though, one feels lonely and ignored. It is as if no one cared and appreciated if you were alive or not. Everything just passes by without a care and it makes you sad. It makes you feel like you’re invalid and that it wouldn’t matter if you were alive or not. Everything does what they do normally, ignoring you is one of them. You feel as though you don’t belong and everything is a challenge to do, even breathing. You feel like your suffocating and that all the darkness seems to closing in on you. Everything is now close enough to touch you, to smell you, to hear you struggling to breathe in that secluded area. They just stare with those red glaring eyes that are full of hatred and disgust towards you. All your flaws are now apparent and everything you have tried to hide now easily come forth and present themselves. You begin to feel vulnerable. Everyone just stares at you. Whatever you felt when you first entered this world is now gone. At first being ignored was painful, but when everyone just stares at you and they see who you really are you tense up. Now you wish that you were being ignored again and that everyone would just leave you alone, but all you can do is stand there and watch as the glare at you menacingly with those eyes full of repulsion. You stand there not even daring to move an inch then suddenly your whole body begins to tingle. The evil world collapses and only you are left standing still. You’re not in darkness anymore only white is your background. You begin to breathe, heavily at first taking big gasps and taking your time to cherish them. Then your breathing steadies, your calmer now. The darkness has recede into nothingness just like the sun and like those spirits if they were to touch the black sky. You shake your head trying to escape the past and focus on the future.

Reality can be an evil thing full of remorse and anxiety, or it can be a good thing filled with love and joy. Everyone’s mind is deviant and secrets that no one else knows. My mind has two worlds in which I use to escape the torment of reality. One is to make myself feel warm inside and the other is to show me that compared to it my life isn’t all that bad. Everyone and everything has a different perception of the “perfect” world and that dangerously “evil” one. Escaping reality isn’t always that easy as it seems and sometimes the world is great how it is and you learn to take the good along with the bad. Although that’s just my opinion, think what you will. My thoughts are my thoughts, no one thinks alike and for that I am grateful, sometimes.

End.

Written: October 13, 2003

A/N: As you can see I wrote this a while back, so it isn’t up to par with my usual standards, but w/e.