Part One
Street Spirit

chapter.two
( numina )

There's a ghost in the high school - everyone knows it. They say it's of a girl who committed suicide here thirty years ago, or of a boy who was murdered by bullies, or of an old Indian buried underneath the plot in years long forgotten. No one can agree on a history for the resident spirit, but everyone agrees that it exists.

He or she or it is is white, ethereal, hovering on the edge of periphery, one of those maddening visions that dances away when you turn to look closer, and maybe it laughs, or maybe it cries, or maybe it screams. Some of the seniors swear that they've been hit with flying chalk, or that they've kissed the ghost, or - the particularly daring and stupid - that they've even had sex with it in the bathroom. One girl even claimed to be pregnant with the ghost's baby, but when everybody laughed at her, she admitted that it was her boyfriend's. The ghost is more legend than reality.

But it's there, in the inexplicable things, in the vanishing locker or the dark spot on A Hall which no janitor has ever managed to clean. The freshmen (fondly nicknamed "crabs" by the upperclassmen) all dare each other to jump in it, but none of them ever manage to get the guts to, partially because of the seniors' spreading the rumor that someone in their class did it and hasn't been seen since.

Gabriel dared Michael to jump in it the first day of their freshmen year, and he did.

Later, Michael became a priest, and never mentioned ghosts or dark spots or what happened when he touched it again, not even to his brother.

Gabriel wished, much later, in retrospect, that he had jumped in it. Not so he could know what his brother saw, but so he too could have an excuse to hide behind cleric's robes.

--

His mother tells him that his father died like a brave man, proud and daring and strong, but he can't quite believe her.

The days of dying with dignity are long gone.

--

Vivian's eyes are overbright with tears when he and Michael find her curled up under a tree. She won't explain, and Michael stops asking. Gabriel, he's got a feeling that this is something that shouldn't be ignored. He's got a feeling that if she keeps this inside, she might go a little more crazy than usual.

This is the catalyst for what becomes one of their worst fights, ever. It's one of those bottled-up-and-exploding things, little acts and sayings and problems they've always had just boiling to the surface in an uncontrollable hurricane. Michael, usually so charismatic and eloquent, turns incomprehensible with rage, and Gabriel, so much more clumsy with words, turns cutting and cruel. Michael insists that Gabriel needs to learn when to get out and let other people be, that Gabriel needs to stop being so nosy and just live his own life, stop trying to control other people.

Gabriel insists that Michael needs to stop being so self-centered, to maybe look at the people around him more often. The argument ends when Michael breaks Gabriel's nose and Gabriel Michael's jaw. They have to limp each other to the hospital, neither speaking to each other or admitting that maybe they've grown apart as brothers. Maybe there's something causing a rift between twins who used to be inseparable.

Gabriel wants desperately to believe that it's about Vivian, but he knows better. People grow up and relationships fall apart.

This fight happens three days after Michael stepped in the infamous "dark spot." Neither will even dare to think about it loudly. Mother is furious with the both of them, and makes them go back to sharing a room like they did when they were children, while Vivian (whose mother has just died, which explains why she was crying) sleeps in what had had been Gabriel's room until her father can sort everything out.

--

Michael graduates with honors. Gabriel graduates. Something festers, deep down, ignored and brooding, glaring under the surface.

Vivian suggests that they all go swimming the next day. Michael scoffs and says that no one is supposed to go swimming. Gabriel, reckless from failure, dives in without even taking off his shirt or shoes or graduation cap. Vivian laughs and follows. Michael stands on the bank and stares. Gabriel asks him what happened to his guts, when did Michael become the one who would dare to do something?

Michael has an odd look in his eyes, like he might be seeing the hidden anger in his brother's soul, like he might just understand that Gabriel has been shunned one time to many, been turned away in favor of the "better" twin just once too often. Like Michael might be able to see through his brother's eyes somehow, like he knows something Vivian can't understand, and Gabriel won't.

Gabriel meets his eyes for a fraction of a second and sees himself reflected in his other half. He turns away and splashes Vivian. Michael doesn't get in the water, but he doesn't tell anyone, either. Which is good, because they'd all be punished for swimming and treated like children again, for acting like it.

But it feels so good to be uncaring for once, to let go and not care who might just drag him off. Gabriel treads water and laughs, because even Hell must be better than this.

--

When Michael stepped into the stain on the first day of his freshman year, he caught a glimpse of Hell, and found himself staring at his own face, mouth open in a scream, or maybe a laugh.

The day after graduation, on the banks of the river, he realizes that it wasn't his face.

--

numina (n, pl.) - spiritual forces associated with natural objects

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