Survival

Rating: PG

Warning: Bad grammar, since English is not my first language

Disclaimer: The characters belonged to themselves. No offence meant. This is pure fiction and NOT historical fact. Despite that, this fic belongs to me.

Summary: Before the Xinyou Palace Coup, the Empress Dowager Cixi, who would eventually become one of the most famous women in Chinese History was uncertain.

Author's notes: Perhaps you are not familiar with Empress Dowager Cixi, or you do not like her. I dislike her either, since she ruled China terribly. However, I think her life was intriguing, and I wonder what was going in her mind all the while. It was really a wonder to me how she could gain such great power while sexual discrimination was really even more serious in China back then, much worse than now. This fic is the product of my interpretation about her characters. I am sorry but there is no records of what her actual given name was, only that we know she came from the Yehenara clan. Reviews are more than welcome!

I have already planned it. This is my only chance to gain power. But should I do it?

The Eight Regent Ministers were appointed by my late husband, the Emperor Xianfeng. Even though I have the supports of Prince Gong and the Empress Dowager Cian, the officials may not be willing to turn against the appointed regents in favour of two women.

One, to be exact, me. The other Empress is so easily persuaded at all matters.

If I do not do this, I will live a peaceful life, watching those regent ministers, headed by that disgusting Sushun, control my son the Emperor.

No, I cannot bear it. I know I will never be content to be just "the Emperor's natural mother".

I still have long time to live, and I will not tolerate the Regent Ministers' rude manners towards me. I am just twenty-seven, and I am now a widow. I have nothing, if it is not for my son, I would not even have this title—the Empress Dowager Cixi.

I have always loved power. I thirst for it. Having people fighting for my favours is always my dream. That is why I am happy when I came to the Forbidden City as the Emperor's concubine. That is why I try hard to gain the Emperor's adoration.

Only adoration, not love. It would be silly to talk about love in the Forbidden City. You would have gone crazy and your heart would have broken if you ever dreamt to be loved by the Emperor.

To reach the position I am in now is not easy. I have survived the struggle between the young concubines in order to get the Emperor's attention. I have survived the struggle between several favoured concubines in order to be the consort that the Emperor liked most. I have survived the undeclared war between the Emperor's ladies of giving birth to his only son. I have not only been struggling for survival, along the way I struggled for power.

Is this not right that I shall have it now Emperor Xianfeng has gone? Before being one of the Empress Dowagers I have never thought I would gain the political power to rule the country. But then I was too young, too innocent, too immature.

I am only twenty-seven and I feel as though I am mentally twice of that age. I should have had absolute power now, if not for those useless, stupid men whom my late husband named Regent Ministers.

No, I am not surrendering to a war that had not yet started. I have always had the strength to cope with struggles.

As Lady Yehenana, I fought for the Emperor's attentions and favours. As Worthy Lady Orchid, I fought for the chance to give the Emperor a Prince and heir. As Noble Consort Yi, I fought for more favours.

Those power-struggles were all centred at the Emperor Xianfeng. They just serve the purposes of getting a better life in the Forbidden City and getting advantages for my own clan. This coup I am going to lead with Prince Gong is different. This is a matter of life and death. This is serious. All eyes will be on it.

I have gone so far in my endless request for power, why back away now? I am not afraid of Sushun. I am not afraid of anything. I am not even afraid of the accusation of disrespecting Emperor Xianfeng's will. I will find a way to do this coup correctly and beautifully.

I am really not afraid. Now I do not hesitate. I have made up my mind, about this coup, about my future.

I am no longer Lady Yehenana.

I am no longer Worthy Lady Orchid.

I am no longer Noble Consort Yi.

I am now Empress Dowager Cixi, mother to the Emperor.

The fight will never stop, I understand. I know that although Prince Gong is my ally now, if this succeed, he would eventually become my worst enemy. I have gotten ready for the challenges, the struggles, the tiny wars.

I know the foreign enemies are still invading my country. Those terrible people with guns and cannons. But I think it best to get rid of the Regent Ministers first, to secure my position. I have always been selfish. This I never deny.

Let the real fight begins. I shall never surrender easily. To me, from this day onwards, fighting for more powers means to fight for my own survival.