Author’s Notes:

Okay. Don’t panic. Lessons in Living has, finally, been updated. The story continues.

I’m really sorry for the lack of updates, but I’m not going to drag this out. Suffice to say, I lost the conviction to finish this and my inspiration way back when. However, I’ve been working on this chapter ever since the last chapter was posted, and it’s only just been finished today. It was a hard chapter for me to write, for more than a few reasons that I don’t really care to share.

There isn’t much more left to this story. Perhaps.. Maybe 2-3 chapters. When they will come out, I don’t know. However, I will finish this story, even if it takes me another five years.

Again, sorry for my absence. Hope this chapter at least makes it up to you, with something I think we’ve all been waiting for since the very beginning.

Read, review, and love, as always, my lovelies.

x Lesson Twelve x

“Things Always Get Better.”

I’m the kind of person that thinks New Years’ Resolutions are stupid.

Epically stupid.

I don’t see the point in them, actually. It makes me wonder if people who have resolutions actually wake up on January first with an odd, magically-implanted determination within them to do something they probably should have done a long time ago. Honestly, who ever sticks to their resolution for more than a week’s time?

Well, I certainly was going to try this year.

Aubrey Lucien Beaumont’s first ever new years resolution: Take up permanent residence in my closet. Secure a padlock to the door.. Perhaps set up a nice little white picket fence and a mailbox? If I want to lock myself away from humanity for the rest of my life, then I want to make it comfortable, right? Right.

I had been absolutely, one hundred percent determined to adhere to that resolution, too, as soon as I pulled into my driveway that night after the New Year’s party. As soon as I got to my home—skillfully dodging a handful of confetti Amelie had thrown at me as soon as I stepped in the door—I had marched right up the stairs, into my room, locked the door, and immediately set in on moving my room into the closet.

All of my clothes had been torn from the hangers and thrown onto the floor, pairs of sneakers and sandals thrown on top of them. Random boxes of pictures and childhood items joined the pile, some opening and spilling over. Once the closet had been emptied, I had taken all the blankets in my room and thrown them at the bottom for bedding. A sheet was all I had for a cover, but I didn’t particularly care. The only other things I brought into the closet with me had been one old, ragged stuffed animal and a book light.

I had managed to make it my home for the past six days. My mother had forbidden Amelie from crashing into the room to drag me out and brought up food for me herself. She never said anything more than the standard, motherly “If you need anything or want to talk, come to me, okay?” and notifying me of who had called for me and I was grateful for it. She never tried to force me out of my childish hiding place to go to school. A plate of food was just sat outside the closet on a tray for me three times a day. I rarely took any more than a few bites of food at a time before pushing the plates back out onto the tray to be picked up later.

A few people called for me over the past few days. The school sent in a call once after the third day I had missed, but my mother had just said I had a terrible case of the flu. Tatsuya called more than a handful of times. Karise called once or twice to badger me about not coming to band practices. Annika seemed to call once every few hours, terribly worried.. Which that was rather unusual with her recent behavior. Who would’ve thought she would care, what with all her time occupied by Camdyn? Yes, I was just a little bit bitter now.

Speaking of a certain singer, he had not once called to check on me.

Perhaps that was the fact that stung the most? Even if I was distressed about what to do with Tatsuya, upset with Annika, and completely unsure if I wanted to continue playing in the band, the driving force behind all of this was definitely him.. And it appeared as if he didn’t even care.

For the first few days of my closet confinement, I hated him. If Camdyn had never came back, none of this would have ever happened. Annika and I would still be social rejects that did everything together. I would’ve never known first hand about the stressful life of being in a teenage band. Tatsuya would’ve never tried to kiss me. I would have never been confused about my feelings for him.

It was all his fault. Every problem in my life could be linked back to him in some way. The cruelest thing was that he was the only one that could make the pain go away. Even that was a double-edged sword that didn’t promise happiness. On one hand, it was unlikely that he would ever feel the same way. On the other, even if he did return my feelings, I would surely lose my friendship with Tatsuya and Annika. I was doomed to be unhappy forever, or so it would seem.

The feelings died down after a while, leaving me feeling horribly guilty for ever thinking I could hate Camdyn. He hadn’t done this to me on purpose and it was horrible for me to think he could be so cold hearted and scheming. After all, he didn’t have a motive for it, as far as I knew. I was over reacting. There had to be some sort of reason he wasn’t calling like the rest of them.

Then the sadness set in just today. It was barely past four in the afternoon and I had cried more than I ever had before in my entire life. I didn’t care that there was a concert today that I was supposed to be at. I was letting everyone down, but I couldn’t stand to see Camdyn or Tatsuya in this state. All that I would accomplish would be to short circuit my keyboard with an overflow of over emotional tears.

I had just finished my fourth round of sobbing. My eyes were puffy, my cheeks were red, and I was glad I didn’t have a mirror to see how pitiful I looked. The sleeves of my sweatshirt were soaked with salty tears that mingled with the dried ones the clothing had already absorbed earlier. I was miserable in almost every sense of the word. I felt sick to my stomach, but I couldn’t just throw up and get it over with. I was hungry and thirsty, but I couldn’t make myself eat or drink. I was tired, but I couldn’t sleep. I was lonely, but I couldn’t stand to speak to anyone.

There was the sound of someone pulling into the driveway suddenly. Neither Amelie nor my mother had left.. So, who was it? Probably one of Amelie’s friends coming to drag her off to a party or movie as was the usual. I didn’t worry about it and, instead, went back to wallowing in my misery.

I could hear everything that went on downstairs, though it was quiet and muffled. The doorbell… The opening of the door… Voices that I couldn’t make out from my room. After a second, they stopped and everything went relatively quiet. The door shut again. Where I had expected the sound of a car pulling out of the driveway a moment later, I heard someone coming up the stairs.

Someone was coming to see me. Oh great.

As expected, footsteps sounded from the hall. A knock on my door was next. No one called out and begged for me to let them in, so I didn’t say anything either. They would leave or they would come in. I didn’t particularly care. All I did was to slide the closet door open a little so that I could peer out at the door.

It seemed like an eternity before I heard the doorknob turn. Okay, so whoever it was had decided to come in without an invitation. My mouth opened to spit out an “I don’t feel like seeing anyone right now”, but just fell open when I saw who it was.

“God, your room’s a mess,” Camdyn closed the door behind him and looked around, “You can’t be Aubrey. He’s too much of a clean freak. Look at all of these clothes…”

I pulled away from the opened closet door and slammed it shut suddenly. The covers that had been my makeshift bed crumpled up as I moved backwards, pressing myself to the wall furthest away from the door. Sadly, my closet wasn’t too spacious.

He didn’t say anything. I could just barely see him through the slits in the doors. He took a seat on the floor next to the stack of stuff that had accumulated whenever I had gutted the closet. Silence settled between us for a long moment. I couldn’t find my voice to say anything.

“Why didn’t you come and find me on New Year’s Eve?” He asked suddenly. The question wasn’t a reprimand in disguise, but just a question. Still, it hurt all the same.

“I.. d-don’t know,” I all but croaked, swallowing once to try and overcome the sudden cottony feeling in my throat. I hadn’t meant to avoid him. However, it had just slipped my mind while I was talking to Tatsuya. I hadn’t remembered it until later the night, after I had came home. I cleared my throat and continued, simply stating, “Forgot.”

Silence again.

“I’m sorry,” My apology was pathetic, but he sighed and shook his head. At least, it looked like he did so.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s not something to apologize for. Everybody forgets things, right?” He shrugged, his tone just as pitiful as mine was. Something in me must’ve switched on subconsciously by the way he’d said it. I found myself answering before I could even consider my own speech.

“I didn’t want to forget!” I growled, fists clenching around the blankets below me. Fresh tears were starting to gather at the corners of my eyes. He hadn’t said it, but he was implying it, wasn’t he?

“Sure. I understand,” He sounded less than convinced. In an instant, I pushed myself forwards and yanked the door open. It shook on the hinges, but I paid it little attention. Instead, I glared at Camdyn.

“I said I didn’t intend to forget about meeting up with you! It slipped my mind when I was talking to Tatsuya! I’m sorry, okay?! I’m not perfect!” I paused and caught my breath, long enough for the tears to start to flow down my cheeks again, “Did you just come to my house to make me feel sorry for you or what?”

Now, Camdyn’s face reflected his surprise at the outburst. It reigned over his expression for a long moment before melting into guilt and apology. He shook his head and then spoke again.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” He bit his lip, chewing it for a second, and then released it again, “I didn’t even intend to bring that up. It just kind of slipped out, I guess.”

“Do you really think I want to forget you?” I asked softly, ignoring everything he’d just said. Moving back from the door, I leaned against the wall to wait for his answer. It didn’t seem like he would answer until, after a long, tense moment, his mouth opened.

“Maybe I’m reading too much into it,” Camdyn then looked over to me, standing suddenly to walk over to the closet. I looked up at him and he looked down at me, a smile forming on his lips, “Mind if I come in?”

“If you can fit,” I mumbled, scooting over as he nodded and kicked off his shoes. He crawled in beside me and closed the closet door behind him.

“Yeah, maybe I’m just reading too much into it… This whole thing with you and Tatsuya,” He closed his eyes and sighed, folding his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. Even if the pose was childish, he still looked far older and worn down than any teenager should have. The realization only held my attention for a moment before the words actually sunk in, making me screw up my face in confusion. He looked over at me for just a second before laughing quietly, “I really am overreacting, then, if just mentioning it makes you that confused. I suppose I’m just the jealous type..”

“And what’s that supposed to mean? I’m only allowed to be your friend and no one else’s?” I asked quietly. Camdyn thought about it and then nodded.

“Something like that, yeah. It just made me jealous that you were spending so much time with him.”

“You wouldn’t be able to tell that it was bothering you so much,” I mumbled, unable to hide the bitterness lacing my voice, “Ever since you and Annika have been dating, you’ve been the one ignoring me. Both of you have, but at least Annika calls every now and then..”

By the look on his face, I had said exactly what was on his mind. The guilty look worsened and he pulled his folded legs just a bit tighter to himself. So he knew all along that he was pushing me out of our little circle of friends? Part of me was glad I wouldn’t have to deal with him if he vehemently denied it. The other half wanted to cry, knowing that he had alienated me willingly.

“You’re a hypocrite,” My voice was faint still, trembling with the effort it took to keep me from breaking out into tears right then, “So I’m not allowed to ignore you, but you can pay as little attention to me as you want? You really expect me to follow around behind you like a little lost puppy while you act like you don’t even know I’m anywhere near you?”

“I admit it. I’m a hypocrite,” He mumbled. Oh, what a defense. Now the sadness was starting to bloom into a complete and total rage.

“You have no idea how much it hurts to hear you say that! I was so excited about you moving back here! I thought that things could just go back to the way they were before, but everything changed! You started dating Annika and I..!” I caught myself before I admitted just what type of jealousy I was really feeling, shaking my head and continuing from where I had left off, but this time going in a different direction, “.. And I was even more lonely than before.”

I was all but boiling in my slowly returning anger, and his sorry look didn’t help to coax it away once more, either. If anything, it made it come back faster and stronger than ever before. Damn it, I was the victim here. The right to complain and be sad was very much reserved for me and not him.

“Looks like I’ve royally screwed up,” Camdyn sighed.

“Understatement,” I cut in tersely, adding a glare for added effect.

“So, I’ve completely butchered our friendship, haven’t I?” He continued after a second. It took me a second to think about it, but my reply did come eventually.

“Pretty much,” I closed my eyes with a frustrated sigh.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this was,” The black-haired boy explained calmly, though his tone wasn’t much impressing me. He sounded all but apathetic, “But if I’ve got nothing to lose now, do you at least want to know why I wanted to talk to you at the party?”

I opened my eyes again and gave him a wary look. Nothing to lose? So he wasn’t going to even try to make amends? If murder wasn’t illegal and I wasn’t pathetically weak, I would’ve jumped on him and strangled him. However, since his immediate death wasn’t a possibility, I instead nodded and gave him the go ahead.

“Annika and I aren’t dating any more,” Camdyn stated simply, but before I could even ask why, he was continuing, “It wasn’t a bad thing, though. We don’t hate each other or anything like that.. It was just the best thing for both of us. I didn’t really like her, and she didn’t really like me.”

They didn’t really like each other? It was hard for me to believe the words coming out of his mouth. They hadn’t liked each other, yet they’d spent so much time together, excluding me all the while? As much as the better part of me wanted to be concerned, the part of me in control at the moment now wanted to not only murder Camdyn, but Annika as well.

“Okay. Listen.. I’m not good at this shit. It’s really embarrassing, and I’m only going to say this once,” The other suddenly continued, catching me off guard with the comment. What was he possibly going to say. Once he saw my confused, but attentive expression, he felt like it was safe to continue, “You’re the whole reason we broke up.”

As sure as I had been that I could handle whatever it was he was going to tell me, I was still surprised—and even more confused—by the comment. Was he trying to pin the blame on me, somehow? Was he mad at me or something?

“I’ll be blunt,” He volunteered to clarify without prompt. Hah, even after spending so many years apart, it seemed he could still read me well, “You’re the one I like, not her.”

… Say what?

For certain, I had found myself a new position in the record books for the most confounded expression ever made. Out of all the things Camdyn could’ve possibly said, that was the one I had least expected to ever hear him say.

“You’re lying out of your teeth,” I mumbled, never once dropping the deer-in-the-headlights expression. He shook his head.

“I’m not lying. I’m being more honest than I’ve been ever since I’ve moved back here,” He replied. It was easy to tell that he was trying to get a read on how I was handling the news.

“Then why did you date Annika?” I asked, not caring enough to try and avoid the snarky tone that the comment carried, “It seemed as if you couldn’t care less if I’d fell off of the face of the planet. That’s not exactly what you’d call affection.”

“Alright. I’ll start at the beginning,” He offered, sensing that he was fighting a losing battle, “I’ve missed you ever since we moved away. I missed Annika, too, but it was harder not to be able to hang out with you anymore. After a year, though, I started getting better.. I made new friends and moved on as much as I could. They were never quite the same as you, though.. We got into arguments, didn’t laugh as much together as we had, or do as much together. In the end, it only made me miss you even more, but I couldn’t stand to keep in contact with you. It would’ve made it even worse.”

As I stopped making a conscious effort to be stubborn, realization slowly sunk in. He was being entirely serious. There wasn’t a chance that he was joking with me. The reluctant, hesitant expression on his face as he spoke made it obvious that he was still having a hard time admitting it.

“It was ten times worse when I started dating people. As weird as it sounds, you were the standard that everyone else fell below. I only remembered how you were when we were twelve, sure, but I knew you hadn’t changed. You’re not the kind of person that just changes dramatically over a few years time,” Camdyn continued, giving me a bit of a smile, “You know, I was actually unbearably excited whenever I heard that my mother and father were getting a divorce. I knew he’d want to move back here, because he’d never really wanted to move to New York anyway. He had only went for Mom’s sake.

Whenever I finally came back, you don’t know how badly I wanted to tell you everything. I almost told you when I called you, actually, but I thought it would be better in person.. But then I thought about something. What if I told you, and you rejected me? Or if we dated, but then broke up? I didn’t want to risk messing up our friendship.”

“That.. That wouldn’t have messed up our friendship,” I broke in, biting my lip afterwards at my sudden input, “How could you think that?”

“I don’t know. I know you’re not the type to really hold grudges, but I was still worried,” He sighed, “If you want me to be perfectly honest, I suck at this dating crap. I may have been the most popular out of our terrible three back in the day, but I’m not dating-inclined whatsoever.”

I couldn’t help the look I gave him, an eyebrow raised in disbelief. Someone as handsome and friendly as him wasn’t good at dating? It was hard to imagine Camdyn being second-rate and awkward at anything that involved socializing.

“Just ask Annika,” He smirked, “She’ll be more than happy to tell you.”

“I might have to. I don’t exactly believe you,” I admitted with a weak smile.

“Why not? If I was better at this, don’t you think you would’ve heard this speech a long time ago?”

“That’s a valid point,” I sighed, the smile blooming on my lips finally spreading into a grin.

Even though I’d spent the last six days sobbing over him, I couldn’t stand to be angry at him now. Even though I had just received a confession from him, I wasn’t especially nervous now that the initial shock had wore off. It was just normal. This was the way things always had felt around Camdyn, even when we had been younger. Comfortable and nice.. It was a great feeling.

“So, you never really responded to what I’d said,” Camdyn finally spoke up again after a moment of thoughtful silence, looking over at me. Whenever my expression shifted into confusion, he lifted his eyebrows and made an expectant expression to clarify. Realization hit me, and I smirked at his reluctance to say it aloud once again. Funny that he was suddenly shy, whenever I was certain he didn’t possess a single shy bone in his body.

“I’d be lying if I said your feelings were one-sided,” My answer came in a roundabout manner, but answered his question enough to bring a slight smile to his lips. I expected a sarcastic comment, like usual. That was just how conversations progressed between us.

Instead, I felt him shift closer to me in the small closet, and I turned my head to look over at him. With a smile, he leaned over and pressed his lips to mine softly. Even though I’d always thought I’d be completely unsure of what to do whenever the time came for my first kiss, the latent part of my mind seemed to kick in. My eyes closed, lips gently working against his as soon as he deepened it.

By the time he pulled away, my cheeks were hot. His face was still close to mine, and it was only by the grace of God that I managed to restrain myself from closing the space between our lips again. It just seemed natural to kiss him, as if my mind had secretly been training me for the fated day that it would finally happen.

“So, does Annika know?” I breathed, having to speak now to keep my resolve from crumbling. I honestly was concerned about the matter, at that.

“She knows. Hell, she had her suspicions before we even broke up,” He grinned, reaching up to brush his fingers against a few curls that had fallen into my face, “She was very reasonable about it though, probably because she knows she doesn’t like me like she thought she did. You know, like I was worried about what our friendship would be like if I told you, I realize how close I came to screwing up my friendship with her. I really suck at handling problems.”

“I have to agree,” Grinning, I moved to lean against his side. The loneliness of the past six days had caught up with me, and the soreness that had resulted from a last of Camdyn-quality-time in the past number of weeks was eating at me, “You really, really suck at it.”

“But I try,” He pouted, moving to wrap an arm about my shoulders. I closed my eyes as he continued, “A for effort?”

“More like a B,” I commented, but he seemed satisfied with the answer.

And once again, we fell into silence, save for this one wasn’t nearly as tense or awkward as before. The quietness was comfortable and relaxing, and the other’s warmth was starting to renew my sense of happiness that had been sadly lacking for a while now. Everything was right in the world…

Until I heard—until we both heard—a car pulling up in the driveway.

Suddenly, my lips contorted into a frown, and I was abruptly reminded.. There was still one problem that needed to be taken care of.

Tatsuya.