The rain was pounding down on my small body. I was shaky but part of me felt like it was surged with some supernatural power. It was like I was Super Girl and I could just fly off the roof I was standing on and into the night. Nothing was going to stop me. Not the staff from the residential program I lived at, that were standing on the ground on the bottom of the house, not the emergency dispatcher that the staff were on the phone with, not my own fear. Nothing. I was standing on that roof on top of the house and I was free to do whatever I wanted.

The television news blared inside one of the houses on the street.

“Hurricane Katrina is continuing to ravage residencies, businesses and everything in between. People are being evacuated off the rooftops by helicopter, and things are looking pretty grim for the future of the town of New Orleans.”

In a far away city snow was falling hard. It was almost a magical sight. On rooftops the snow began to melt and drip down but then the subzero temperatures froze it turning into shiny, glistening icicles. The air smelled crisper then even fresh out of the dryer laundry. It was crisp and breaths turned into a dance of fog escaping open mouths. Trees looked majestic in their coats of newly fallen whiteness. The sun glistened off the grounds white blanket. Everything looked beautiful and pure.

Suddenly, after realizing exactly how free I was I started to feel out of control. No one could stop me. The thought stopped making me feel free and started making me feel panicked. What was I going to do up so high with all this freedom, what was my next choice going to be? My original intention had been to jump off, but did I really want to die or seriously injure myself? Could I do that to my family, my friends, the staff, and all the people who cared about me and wanted to see my feeling better? That thought was almost enough to get me to make the careful climb back down off the roof, but then I thought more. If I went back down I’d be in huge trouble. I’d probably end up in the hospital for the millionth time and that was the last thing I wanted, plus I just couldn’t take all the pain that life hacked up on me. I couldn’t take hearing Cide and Nodae yelling at me and screaming and ordering me around anymore. I especially couldn’t take other people telling me that they weren’t real, when to me they were painfully real. If I jumped then there would be no more hurt, terror, and confusion. Maybe I should just jump. I climbed up a little higher.

Many of the evacuees are panicking about leaving their beloved pets behind. Some have been rescued along with their owners, but there is only so much room in the helicopters. Everyone in New Orleans itself and those hearing about this terrible hurricane are quite distressed. There’s no knowing when this crazy weather will let up, but we all hope and pray that it will be soon.

Chunks of snow slide off the roofs of cars passing by and crash into the side of the road in a slushy gray pile. Squirrels are the only animals beside humans and a few random birds that can be seen anywhere. Despite the scarcity of life forms around the air still has a festive quality to it. The holiday season is fast approaching and wreaths and lights are everywhere, menorahs can be seen glowing in a few windows too. Children run about in the yard tongues out ready to catch a few tantalizing flakes of crystallized water on their tongues.

I stare down at the two staff on the ground, it bothers me the way Carrie, one of the staff is standing there matter of factly. It bothers me that she’s not more scared for my life. Maybe she didn’t think I had the guts to do it, maybe she thought I would chicken out. That thought made me almost a little angry. I almost jumped right then and there because of that very thought, but I didn’t I still wasn’t sure.

“The rains still aren’t letting up here and who knows when they will. Gales of wind continuously are blowing their heart out against the trees. Power lines are down, but that’s the least of our worries right now. The count of people who have drowned or been otherwise killed by this storm isn’t in yet but it’s higher then any other storm in recent history.”

In the middle of one of the parks in town a small pond is frozen over. The ice is thick and glistening with the sun shining on it. The snow is no longer pounding down; it has lightened to a fluttering flurry. Each flake dances its own waltz as it slowly drifts toward the ground. The clouds have lost their dark heavy quality and are now of the fluffy white variety. The wind has died down to a cool breeze that gently wafts through the snow covered tree’s branches.

“You don’t believe I’d really jump do you?’ I call down to Carrie. Carrie just stands there shaking her head. I grab the fire escape railing and stand up. I’m freezing cold, my socked feet are soaking wet and I’m shaking hard from all my emotions and the weather. My legs wobble underneath me as I get to my feet. Taking in a deep breath I scoot further over to the edge of the roof and prepare myself for the jump and inevitable painful impact. I pray that I won’t live, but be killed instantly. Then I hear a voice close by.

“Well the patients of a New Orleans hospital are currently being evacuated off the roof of the building. Some of them can barely walk and dedicated first responders have worked hard to get them to safety. These first responders, police officers, firefighters, EMTs, and Paramedics, have come from all over and are risking their lives to help these people being affected by this horrible hurricane. They all deserve a real heartfelt thank you.”

Billows of snow slide off a nearby roof top, for a moment all the air is filled with white flakes spinning and twirling through the air. The streets are completely empty of cars, the roads are covered with a thick layer of snow and eyes and seem to have almost have disappeared all together. Now that the sun has come back out from behind its thick layer of clouds small droplets of water are appearing off of the icicles stuck to roofs. They drip down and land in the snow, making small indentations in the white blanket.

“Why don’t you come down and just a little bit and talk to me?”

I turn and see Nate a staff from the boy’s house (the house who’s roof I’m standing on) standing on the fire escape calling up to me.

“Why?” I ask him.

“I just want to talk, that’s all.” He explains. “I’m worried about you, I don’t want you to jump. Just come down a little and talk to me.”

“I’ll talk from up here,” I tell him.

“No, come down a little first.” He insists.

“I don’t want to because you’ll grab me if I come down.”

“I won’t, I promise,” He tells me. “I just want to talk.”

Maybe I came down a little because I was so scared of jumping, I was scared of the pain that I might feel, I was scared of what my death would do to my family, I was scared that maybe ending my life wasn’t totally what I wanted. Whatever it was I decided to talk to Nate, he said he wouldn’t grab me, so I still would have the option of jumping. Besides it couldn’t hurt anything. I sat down on my butt and scooted down the slant of the roof a little bit. Now my butt was totally soaked too. As soon as I got down to where Nate was I knew I made a mistake. He grabbed my ankle in a firm, strong grip. There was no way I was going anywhere now, let alone jumping off the roof.

“This really is a terrible hurricane, and it’s not the first either. Scientists and layperson alike are wondering whether there is a connection with this latest string of hurricanes, tsunamis and other natural disasters and the undeniable process of global warming. This is a scary thought, but one we have to consider.”

Although the snow has stopped an icy chill still hangs in the air and the wail of an ambulance calls out into the night. An aftermath of an unfortunate traveler trying to make their way through the snow. Although the snow is a beautiful effect of nature, nature can be cruel and ruthless too.

“Why do you want to do this.” He asked me.

I told him how I was sick of my life. How it wasn’t going anywhere no matter how hard I worked to try and change it and I couldn’t take living the way I was living anymore. I was so scared of the voices that I heard and everyone else insisted weren’t real. Life was hard, it was scary, and it didn’t seem to have any pay off.

“Do you want to hurt everyone around you though?’ He asked me, “Think of what it would do to your family? To us?”

“I don’t want to hurt them, but I don’t know what else to do.” I was shaking even harder now and probably would have fallen off the roof if Nate hadn’t been holding me there.

“Why don’t you come down with me?” He asked in such a kind gentle voice that I almost agreed right then and there, but then I thought some more.

“If I go down now then I’ll have to go the hospital. I can’t go to the hospital.” My voice was so thin it was almost a whine.

“Yeah but there’s an ambulance, police and fire truck on the way and they’ll get you down even if you don’t come down with me, and they won’t be as nice about it.”

Just then I heard the approaching sirens. I swear that my blood froze in my veins, I was so scared and desperate and hopeless. I almost just tried to yank free of Nate’s grip, but I stopped myself because I was scared that doing so might knock him off the roof too, and that was the last thing I wanted. He held out his arms and I allowed myself to be lifted off the roof, he had me cradled baby style in his arms and for a second it just felt good and I didn’t fight. Then Nate put me down and held onto me. I allowed him to keep his hands under my arms and escort me down the stairs as the police came up. At one point I grabbed out at the railings to try and get back up. Nate pried my arm off the railing and reminded me I’d rather have him escort me down then the police. Once we got down I tried to run, but the police officer grabbed one arm and Nate had the other. The two of them escorted me across the parking lot into a nearby building called Carriage House. Carriage House had an empty room with only one doorway so it served as a Time Out room. Once in the room Nate kept a firm grip on me as Carrie and Scott the two staff in charge of me spoke to the EMTs and police officers.

“The storm that has wreaked so much havoc on everyone around here finally seems to be dying down. The death toll is high and hasn’t been completely tallied yet. Lives lie in scattered pieces along with people’s homes and most cherished belongings. Many friendly people all over the US have offered their homes and services to those affected by Katrina. Sometimes it takes tragedy and heartache to pull people together.”

The sound of the siren dies off and once again the world is white and still. Night is beginning to full and the moon reflects the glow of the snow. There’s a certain sense of peacefulness in the air.

“Hospitalization would probably be preferred…Yeah.” I heard Scott saying and I cringed inside. Nate was still holding me though, so I couldn’t go anywhere. By now he was holding me in almost a hug though, and it felt okay, I felt comforted, almost safe. He gently rubbed my back and that was probably the only reason I didn’t go ballistic.

Nate warned the EMTs that I probably wouldn’t go willingly and might need restraints. Carrie agreed to go with me and the two of us were swallowed up by the bright flashing ambulance. Several times I tried to unbuckle the seatbelts and get up, but Carrie and the EMT grabbed me and held me down. Finally I took a deep breath in and tried to convince myself that everything was going to work out, but deep down I really just wasn’t sure.

The old man down the street who had been watching the news stood up and switched the TV set off. He gave a heavy sigh. “So much pain and suffering in the world today.” He muttered to himself. “So much turmoil.” He hoisted himself out of his chair and headed up to his room to go to bed just as the wail of sirens down the street died down and a neighbor he didn’t know was coming to the end of a night filled with crises.

Now that the storm had passed cars began to venture out of driveways and garages. The night was coming to an end and life was moving forward in its continuous rhythm.

The ambulance rode off into the night, and I stopped fighting. I was too tired and worn out. I collapsed inside myself as I lay there on the stretcher. Then Carrie reached over and rubbed my arm and held my head. Her gesture of kindness warmed my freezing body. Maybe, just maybe, there was still a little candle of hope still burning inside me. I hadn’t jumped off that roof. Something had stopped me, and if I concentrated hard enough, maybe I could figure out what that something was.