Rain

“I’ve always loved the rain. The sound, the smell and the way the world seems to fade out. I love it. On rainy days I am truly happy. The joy of watching the world disappear fills me so completely. Drip drop, drip drop. I can close my eyes and it is as though there is nothing else.
I suppose this love began when I was a child, I was always alone. Even when surrounded by noise and people, I was alone. I didn’t mind, I never liked people, people hurt me. If I cried they hurt me more. In rain your tears can be hidden and you can be free, you can run away. Once, hiding under a bush in the playground on a rainy afternoon, I sat there and just listened to the rain. My clothes were wet but I didn’t notice. My mind was so filled with sound, the scent of wet leaves, wet dirt and the faded world. I could have stayed there forever but the rain always stops and once more the world is full with hateful people. Too noisy, too ugly.”

As usual I listened silently.

She cut across the street, heels clicking against the asphalt. The wind had seemed to take a hold of her steps. Brushing her hair back from her face, she closed her eyes to avoid the hair whipping into them. With sadness I heard her leave. Until she returned to me I couldn’t exist.

She looked into my eyes and half smiled. Her fingertips lightly touched mine and she sighed. “You‘re so cold.” She turned away again and I disappeared.

It was evening, her face was tired. I wished I could reach out and touch it but I could never take the first step. Her eyes drifted from me and she left to go into the bathroom.

She sat in the shower, it must have been cold because no steam hid her from me. Suddenly her drifting eyes caught sight of me and she laughed. I’ve never heard her laugh like that. Chaotic, desperate, it scared me.
The water splashed down like the rain she loved. It dripped from her hair which lay in tangles. Blood was dripping from between her fingers. She lifted her hand like a greeting for me, I lifted mine in return. An ugly wound was gaping at me and the blood gushed out from it. I wanted to shout out to her but I was as mute as always. I found myself smiling as madly as her.
She looked down on her blood covered hands, I looked down on mine. My hands were covered with blood. She looked up at me and smiled the most beautiful smile. She crawled, unsteadily, out of the shower and put her forehead against my forehead, her palms against my palms. Our blood mixed. As we both sunk towards the floor I heard her whisper. “You‘ll die with me in the rain, won‘t you?”
Then she closed her eyes and I disappeared forever.