The thing about life/god/death- the musings of devoted (but slightly confused) teenager

The thing I think about life and god and death is… how confusing it is. Think about it. God made the earth and everything in it, but if he did then why did he make gits like Hitler, and racist people like Jade Goody? Now don’t get me wrong, I am a devout Jew and believe with my whole heart that god is the bomb, but this topic does give me a feeling of foreboding towards the whole religion thing. According to my teachers, god gave us all the materials to have an amazing time but we just screwed it up, but they said it in more polite and intellectual terms. So it is our fault that there are tsunamis and earthquakes? Well, I suppose, we do have too many people and it might just be god’s way of telling a lot of us to bugger off. I always thought of god as a guardian angel, but then how come all these bad things keep happening? I’m starting to sound like a hypocritical heretic, I know, but just because I have these thoughts and feelings doesn’t mean I don’t believe in god.

Another thing that kind of confuses me is how one of the most important commandments given to Moses at Sinai is ‘you shall have no other gods but me’ but in Genesis, it says ‘and we shall make man in our image.’

OUR IMAGE?

What the fuck is going on? excuse my language. It just doesn’t make any sense. And there are 2 different Adam and eve stories. One god made Adam first then eve, and not in the image of anything, and in the other one god made them in his image and both at the same time. The more famous one is Adam and then eve but the only reason I think this one is used is because all the bibles in the world came from the King James Version. Now what do you notice about that guy? Oh, he’s a man. So I think that version is used more commonly because it’s just another way for men to dominate us and say they are more important than us. So now I sound like a feminist hypocritical heretic. Brilliant.

But if there are two versions of that story and there are a few more like that then how do we know which one is right? How do we know if either of them are right? And how the hell did we come up with two stories? Its not like anyone was really there at this point, so how can two different people be able to comment on it. Unless all of it is made up and these are just the musings of a lot of people from a very, very long time ago. Maybe in thousands of years this will be found and made into a religion. Now that sounds ridiculously cocky, like I think I deserve my own religion. Ok, cocky, feminist hypocritical heretic.

If Moses is meant to have written the Torah, then how in the hell did he write about his own death? Could he see into the future? As far as I know, what is written down says nothing about him having special amazing powers other than the ones given to him by god. And if god has the power to let people look into the future, don’t you think they would have written it down because it proves how amazing god is? Unless everyone knew back then when they were going to die and they all had powers. And we have just evolved into these dumb creatures over the years, warped by technology and WAY too much curiosity. But now I’m going off the point. my other idea is that Moses committed suicide. This might sound strange, but the only way people really know how they will die is if they are going to be hung/ shot/ killed in some way that they are certain of- and I don’t think the people would try to kill Moses, he got them out of Egypt- or there is suicide. He could have killed himself. Even though he did not write down it was suicide, he knew when it was, so he could have written he died of natural causes and killed himself. Now I’m even confusing myself.

So: a confusing, cocky, feminist, hypocritical heretic.

Don’t you love me right now?

I won’t go on for much longer or I will be hated.

There is one more thing that bugs me like crazy- the whole creation shebang. Not the entire thing, but the whole ‘god created the world in six days’ thing. Now god is amazing, there aren’t enough words in any language to describe how people who believe in her (that’s right I am now saying her) feel about her, but still, six days? That is… 144 hours. 8640 minutes. 518400 seconds. That’s incredible. But the only way I can make sense of it is that back then there was no linear time. There was no one to say how long six days was. It never says that god invented time, so I think that it didn’t exist until someone made it up. The Jews made the week just because we needed 7 days to fit into Shabbat, but how do we know that god made the world in six days? For all we know six days could be millions of linear years. Each day could be how long it takes for a slimy wormy thing to evolve into a fully fledged bird. Did god fit six days around when she made the world because there were clear divisions, and then put it in the person who made linear time’s head? Do we really have any free will at all? Am I even making any sense? I know that I am rambling.

So by the end of these musings, I have become:

A rambling, confusing, cocky, feminist, hypocritical heretic.

But did I really decide to call myself that? Did you really choose to believe it or not?

The whole thing is too confusing. Even for a rambling, confusing, cocky… you get the picture.