I turned around in my bed as I heard a tapping noise. This same noise had been going on for at least twenty minutes and it was starting to annoy me. I got up and sat on my bed until I heard it again.

It sounded like it was coming from the window and so I walked over to it. I just hoped it was just a branch from the tree out side and not some axe murderer coming to kill me…

I peeked through the curtain just ever so slightly before I jumped back with my hand over my heart. Nelson—of all people—sat right out side my window on the tree branch looking wide eyed and desperate.

I flung open the curtains and threw open the window. “What the hell? Nelson why are you here at—” I glanced at the clock, “Four fifteen in the morning?”

He suddenly looked sheepish and I almost apologized before I realized that he really was sitting on my tree branch at four fifteen in the morning. I stood aside and invited him in but he shook his head.

“I want to talk.”

I nodded my head. “Yes talking is good. I’d really like to know why you didn’t call me and ended up on my tree branch instead. So please, by all means, explain yourself before you fall and break your neck.”

He blinked a second before taking a deep breath and plunged on. “I think we should stop seeing each other.”

I blinked too for a moment and shook my head. “I’m sorry what?” That was not the explanation I expected from him.

“I think we should stop seeing each other.”

Only when he said it again did I realize that he was serious. I mean come on, he said he loved me; he couldn’t be breaking up with me so soon.

I spoke slowly then. “And your reasoning for this is?”

He sighed and looked away. “You could be more serious about this.”

“I am serious!”

He shook his head. “You haven’t seemed serious with me in I don’t know how long. You always seemed…distracted.”

Dang, was I really that obvious? I hoped not. If Nelson noticed me, then that would mean other people did too.

“Look Nelson,” I began but he cut me off.

“I put my life and soul out there and you,” he let out a bitter laugh, “you just stood back and told me I can’t feel that way.”

Was he accusing me of something?

“Nelson, I didn’t say that—” but once again he cut me off.

“You laughed in my face when I said I love you.”

I cringed. There it was again, that word. Love. Why did he have to bring love into this? Does he not realize we’re only seventeen and too young to deal with anything love? Relationships are fine, but love isn’t. At least not right now.

“See you’re doing it again! You’re cringing because of what I said. Does it really bother you that much?”

When did Nelson suddenly get so good at talking to me? He always seemed to just say the bare minimum of whatever it was he wanted to say. Did he prepare this? But I mentally shook myself. Must deal with the matter at hand and not muse about such things.

“It doesn’t bother me…I just think we’re too young right now. Love is for people who want to get married.” Did that really just come out of my mouth? Huh, I think it did.

Nelson looked down and sighed. “Fine then, if you don’t want my love I’ll just leave. I’ll find some one else who does.”

Suddenly I started to feel sick. Suddenly it started to hit me that Nelson was really doing this, that he was really breaking up with me. I felt horrible that I didn’t feel sad or hell anything from it. I didn’t have anything to say to him. In fact I completely agreed with him.

I nodded and cleared my throat. “If that’s the way you feel then fine. We’ll stopping seeing each other. I hope who ever you find will treat you better.” Wow, that was diplomatic.

Nelson nodded too though I noticed it was a bit hesitant. Maybe he didn’t really want to break up with me. Maybe he was hoping I would come running to him and beg him not to go. But we both knew that wouldn’t happen.

He turned back on the tree branch and prepared himself to climb back down. I rolled my eyes. “Wait!” And he waited, his eyes full of hope.

I hesitated, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “Umm…even though you’re not my boyfriend, you’re still allowed to use the front door.”

The hope in his eyes faded and I looked away but invited him in again. He hesitated but took the offer and slowly and carefully climbed into my room. We stood there awkwardly before he came over and gave me a quick hug. I froze in his embrace and he must have realized this because he let go a second later.

I bit my lip as we stood awkwardly again until he started for the door but waved me aside when I started after him. “I know my way out. Bye.”

I nodded and waved and with that he was gone, out the door and out of my life.

I heard a rustling over to my left and I turned to see what it was and relaxed when I saw it was Matt in his sleeping gear on the floor. He was wake and staring at me.

“What,” I asked.

“I heard what happened,” was his tired answer. “Do you need a hug?”

I thought for a moment. Did I need a hug? No I don’t think I did. I felt strangely at peace. Nelson had broken up with me and it was a clean break. No strings attached or anything. Well I still felt like a cold bitch but that couldn’t be avoided in my situation. At least I didn’t have to be one with out Nelson really knowing.

“No,” I said. “I feel fine. I actually feel like I learned a lesson here.”

Yea, I learned a lesson. No it’s not OK to look. No matter what, you’re still going to feel horrible. Whether your significant other knows you’re looking or not, it’s still not OK. I really hope that in my next relationship—if I had one—wouldn’t end up like this. Even though it was a clean break it still fell apart. A perfectly good relationship ruined because I just had to look.

Yea, never doing that again.