Queen Tut’s Dragons

Tutabuddy Goats bit off a strip of orange duct tape with her teeth, laughing evilly as she skillfully duct-taped an innocent young sophomore to the alley wall—by his underpants. Flipping back her bright green hair, she flashed a blinding white smile and skipped off happily down the lane. After furtively gazing around with her azure eyes, masked by long eyelashes, to see that no one had followed her, she slipped into a dank alley, where Roger Dough was cloying himself with huge doughnuts, feeding some to his oversized poodle, Google, at times. A round, pudgy boy, with dirty blond hair and dirt brown eyes, he could never think of anything but his stomach.

“Has she done it?” Tutabuddy whispered a gleam of anticipation in her eyes.

The dignified Roger simply stuffed another doughnut in his mouth and shook his head decidedly. “Now Tut, you know Willie. She won’t involve herself in your foolish schemes. All she wants is to bungee jump off the Golden Gate Bridge like she’s always done.”

“Sh!” Tut screamed hoarsely. “She has ears everywhere. Don’t call her that. She’ll eat you.”

Roger rolled his eyes and eyed a chocolate doughnut longingly while Tut paced back and forth, her thin, wiry frame in stark comparison to his bulgy plumpness. Wilhelmina Guienhall, whom Roger so unwisely dubbed “Willie,” had never wanted to be dragged into Tut’s group. She had attempted to just remain friends with them. Soon, however, Willie had been forced to become the financial supporter of the group. Her bungee jumping tricks earned more money than she thought was proper, so she gave some to her friends. When she realized that they needed more, she had published a hilarious duck-English dictionary and had raised money worldwide, promoting duck-speech. Gradually, she became a member of Tut’s Dragons, as it had been named unanimously.

A sudden noise caused Tut to whip around. Susie Frederica, their resident burner of Dr. Seuss stories, hung from the balcony above by her luxurious auburn hair, trying to tie herself in a knot like contortionists in the circus. Dressed in a clown suit and a tie, she looked ridiculous, and Tut told her so.

Susie laughed bitterly. “Tut, we ain’t got no money. The bungee jumping business is down, and we can’t keep depending on Willie. She got herself to deal with too. Tut, we gotta join the circus. You could duct tape people, I could do contortions . . .” with a flip of her famed hair, “I am wonderfully flexible. Roger could show off his massive dog,” with a loathing glance at Google’s bulk. “It’s perfect!”

“Well, we have a friend in trouble right now.” Tut pulled a slip of paper from her pocket, attempting unsuccessfully to conceal the contempt that rose to her throat at Susie’s idea. “Wilhelmina is currently riding on the bottom of Fiery Doom, watching a soap opera on her I-Pod and crunching nacho Doritos while bawling hysterically.”

Roger dropped his doughnut. “How can she do that on a rollercoaster that runs 110 mph?” he inquired incredulously, referring to the Doritos.

“She can’t,” Tut declared. “Her boyfriend just broke up with her, so she’s gone off the deep end.”

With a seemingly unconcerned look, Roger took out a hypodermic needle from his pocket and stuck his dog’s side. “You’ll be as big as a pony soon, won’t you, Google,” he cooed. “Yes, steroids are good for you.” He sat a worn, stuffed blue monkey on Google’s back. “Take care of Mr. Tickles,” he commanded sternly. “I have to go help a friend.”

Tut glared at him, rendered speechless for a moment. “That’s where all our money’s gone,” she concluded.

“Uh uh!” Roger denied, stomping his foot. “I get ‘em free from a baseball player downtown. He just wants me to take care of Mr. Tickles so his wife won’t throw him in the fireplace. She’s a crazy neat freak.”

“Whatever,” Tut dismissed, waving a hand. “We’ve gotta get Wilhelmina off Fiery Doom and show her that she still has people who care about her. Dragons, we fly!”

Each dragon mounted their own customized tiny scooter, shaped somewhat like flattened, wide bicycle seats with tiny wheels on the bottom and handles attached. To make them go, Tut’s Dragons put their feet on the handles and moved back and forth. Soon, they were off down the sidewalk.

She didn’t do it, thought Tut as she rode. She didn’t steal the cell phone, not even so her boyfriend would accept her. Everyone else thinks that the idea was mine, but it was for her. She should have done it. Why didn’t she?

When they arrived at Skydiving Theme Park, Tut rushed straight for the ticket office. A young man with gelled almond hair and spring green eyes leaned out the window, frowning.

“Tut, I thought you would have come hours ago,” he scolded, slightly playfully.

Susie happened to glance at Tut at that moment—and gasped when the red flush crept into Tut’s cheeks. Tut never blushed. Tut told guys off.

“Sorry I got held up,” Tut apologized softly. Susie almost reached out her hand to take Tut’s temperature.

“Say, Tut,” the man began, but Tut cut him off with a look. Susie saw her glance over her shoulder as they sprinted towards Fiery Doom, and she saw a meaningful exchange pass between them.

Now thoroughly curious—nay, almost bursting—Susie caught up to Tut, who was running ahead of the others. “What was that about?” she whispered hoarsely.

“Nothing,” Tut explained hurriedly. “Just an exchange between two old friends.”

“Really good old friends, I must say,” Susie emphasized with a wink.

Tut brushed her off as they reached the line outside of Fiery Doom. She pushed through the crowd relentlessly and boarded a car on the track, motioning her teammates to do the same. Once the rollercoaster moved and they could see high in the air, all of them unbuckled and crawled beneath the car, which, fortunately, held a lot of room between the undercarriage and the track. A woman had duct-taped herself there. She watched her lime-green i-Pod, weeping. She had finally ditched the Doritos.

“Wilhelmina,” Tut began, but Willie cut her off by sobbing explosively into her arms. Tut soothed her until she fell asleep. The dragons un-duct-taped Willie from the rollercoaster, and then they left to the front gate. The young man whom they had seen earlier watched them keenly and offered to help. He scooped Willie up in his arms and walked ahead. The other dragons strapped their scooters to their backs and followed.

When they arrived at the gang’s simple, abandoned apartment, the man set Willie on the bed. The other dragons respectfully left Tut and the man in the room.

“About what I was going to say earlier, Tut,” the man began.

Tut sighed. “Ryan, I’ve got the dragons to care for. We enjoy being on our own, and it’s my job to keep us alive. I don’t really have time for . . . extracurricular activities.”

Ryan thought over this for a moment, and then finally conceded that Tut was right. “Can we still be friends?” he asked.

Tut smiled a yes and saw him out the door.

“You really should date him,” came a voice from the bed, and Tut realized that Willie had heard the entire exchange. She sat up, grinning. “You don’t find nice guys like that around every corner.”

“I know,” Tut blushed. “If only we had more means of supporting ourselves.”

Susie burst into the room, sweating and breathing heavily. “Tut!” she wheezed, “there’s circus auditions going on tonight. It’s an in-town circus too! It doesn’t move around like most circuses.”

“I don’t know, Susie . . .”

“Come on, Tut. Please?”

“All right,” Tut agreed, and Susie, with a delighted squeal, rushed off to tell the others.

“You should have stolen the cell phone,” Tut told Willie condescendingly.

“I couldn’t,” Willie explained with a tear coursing down her face. “He wanted me to do all sorts of stuff like that for him, and . . .”

“Wait.” Tut glared at no one in particular. “He wanted it for himself?”

Willie nodded sadly. “Now you understand some of it. I couldn’t steal also because I knew it was wrong in my heart.”

“Wilhelmina, that shouldn’t have stopped you.”

“Maybe it was good that it did.”

“Why?” Tut asked, totally confused.

Willie smiled, and Tut noticed that she seemed at peace . . . about what? Willie had changed ever since the cell phone incident, and Tut didn’t know why.

“There’s more to life than just surviving, Tut,” Willie declared. “So much more.”

The look on her face kept Tut from exploding into a rage over Willie’s ex-boyfriend. Instead, she determinedly decided to date Ryan.

That night, Tut’s Dragons went to the circus and auditioned with their talents. They all made it. Tut became a professional duct-taper, Roger was dubbed a professional doughnut boy, and Willie bungee-jumped. Susie was given free lessons by a professional contortionist.

My dragons have proven themselves well, Tut thought one night. We are now financially capable of doing extracurricular activities.

“Ready to go?” Ryan called from the street below.

Tut gracefully slipped over the balcony, and they left for dinner.