I never was able to figure out how she managed to keep that smile on her face every day. I could tell, of course, that she was forging the entire masquerade, knowing that we are talking about me, but she fooled so many. Her father, mother, siblings, even her best friends, and her old boyfriends. She smiled while the cuts running the side of her stomach burst in pain, and as she was screaming inside, or dying to run away and cry forever. I wish that she knew I always wanted so badly to hold her, tell her everything would be alright, but I never did. She hated the world, but was its child. Every where she went, they would break her, and tear out her heart, not caring about how she really felt. I never found out how she could survive with all of the sad, depressing emotions flowing through her veins. Everyone thought she was the happiest-go-lucky girl in the world, loving everyone, trusting always, never caring about what others thought of her. But, all the while, caring so much that she would cause herself daily, physical pain, and never truly trusted anyone with her secrets, and never really allowing herself to fall in love again. She cried on her knees, sobbing into the floor. I watched her, but she didn’t know, she didn’t want to have this kind of a life; in fact, she didn’t want a life at all. She was dead inside and cold, so cold I could have mistaken her for one of my own. She finally opened her eyes and realized that she’d never been more alone. I was there, wishing so badly to find her, help her, love her. But I didn’t, I couldn’t, I wouldn’t let myself. What she never knew was how much I wanted to, all of the sadness in her heart made me blind. She’ll never know how much I cried the night that she died. I never figured out how she could live a life of lies and denial, or how she could lie with such a darkness inside of her. And what I never realized was that I could have loved her if I had just not been afraid… of everything…