“There was a Babylonian General who was declared a traitor for leading a revolt. He escaped one night and hid in an old Babylonian ziggurat where he expected to find some of his associates. He searched all over, but couldn't find them! So he figured he had better burn all the secret plans that were hidden in the ziggurat. As soon as the fire was going he threw in the first papers, and he was then promptly discovered and captured. The moral of the story: WARNING! The searchin' General has determined that smoking ziggurats may be hazardous to your stealth!”
Old joke

I.
The Judy Jones trial had been called the trial of the century by many newscasters.

Judy Jones, as you may recall, was arrested in March 2006 for the deaths of Jack Percks, Eddie Jasper, and Dan Helway. The three men were hunted down after leaving a bar drunk on three consecutive nights, and shot to death with a .44 Magnum. After the third death, Judy Jones, a widow and former member of the anti-drunk driving activist group MADD, was arrested in her home in Frittersville, Michigan.

The jury had had some sympathy for Judy Jones, who a year earlier had lost her daughter and husband to a drunk driver. Shortly after, Judy joined MADD, and was later kicked out for being too irrational and insane. MADD, while their tactics can be rather bizarre, did not want anything to do with Judy, and when the murders occurred, MADD leaders were the first to condemn the killings. Judy also had a charge of attempted murder of a police officer, after shooting at and missing detective Roger Shatterheart. Judy Jones was only stopped when detective Mikhail Zabolotski managed to shoot the gun out of Judy’s hand. He later confessed that he was intending to kill Judy, and that his shooting the gun was only luck of the draw, forgive the pun.

The four months after had been hectic for Roger and Mikhail. They had all kinds of paperwork to fill out, trial proceedings, court dates, that sort of thing.

On March 23, the trial began, with Judy Jones pleading not guilty. The arguments were heard, and on July 6, 2006, Judy Jones was found guilty of three counts of first-degree murder. Roger and Mikhail’s testimony was the deciding factor.

The jury was moved by Judy’s rambling testimony, but had no sympathy for a woman who would try to shoot a police officer. July 6 came, and now it was July 14, 2006. The judge was handing out the sentence. While it normally would have been an automatic life without parole, the defense got a plea bargain that dropped the attempted murder of a police officer charge and lowered the minimum penalty for each murder.

The trial had been a media circus from the start. The story first gained publicity when Keith Olbermann named Judy Jones Countdown’s “Worst Person in the World”, a daily title given to people Olbermann feels have acted in a very stupid or malicious manner. (The award goes to Bill O’Reilly at least two nights a week.) The next night, Bill O’Reilly tried to one-up Olbermann by claiming that Judy Jones should be executed. The night after that, Olbermann named O’Reilly “Worst Person in the World”, stating that O’Reilly forgot to do his research; otherwise he’d have known that Michigan does not have the death penalty.

Thus began the feeding frenzy.

The debate gained almost constant coverage. News stations around the world discussed and analyzed about the trial. Not since O.J. Simpson had such a gripping courtroom drama unfolded.

Ironically, the trial proved to be a crippling blow for MADD, despite their efforts to distance themselves from Judy Jones. High schools, which normally had all kinds of anti-drunk driving pep rallies and showcased wrecked cars during Prom Week and all that, suddenly refused to have anything to do with MADD. Boycotts began, and groups such as Drunks Against Mad Mothers had a field day. As if to make things even weirder, Roger and Mikhail both came out saying that MADD had done nothing wrong, and that people should not judge an organization by one insane ex-member. It did little good; the anti-drunk driving movement had suffered an irreparable setback. One must wonder if Judy Jones ever considered this aspect of her actions.

And now we find ourselves in a courtroom in Frittersville, with Judy Jones awaiting sentencing.

“Judy Jones,” The judge said, “You have been found guilty of three counts of first-degree murder. Do you have any last words to say before you are sentenced?”

Judy had a face of stone. She looked at the judge, and then at Roger and Mikhail. She said simply “Get it over with.”

“Judith Leeann Jones, I hereby sentence you to twelve years per murder. With three murders, and the sentence being consecutive, this will be no less than thirty-six years in a correctional facility. The court rests.” The gavel was slammed, and that was that.

Shortly afterward, Mikhail and Roger were walking out into the crowd of reporters. Judy was being led off to prison, and a press conference began, with Roger and Mikhail as speakers.

“Sir, what sentence has Judy Jones received?” was the first question Roger took, from a reporter with MSNBC.

“Judy Jones has been given thirty-six years.”

“Sir, what do you think about this case? Were you satisfied by this?” A reporter from a local Detroit station asked.

“Yes, we are satisfied with the sentence. All parties involved believe that justice has been served.”

After the two detectives, out came Amy Hart, the head of the Cheboygan chapter of MADD, a woman who we saw in the previous tale. Several more police officers came, and the prosecutor and defending attorneys. The next person to leave was Killer, the owner of the bar the three victims left before their deaths. Amy stood next to Roger and Mikhail for the press conference.

“Ma’am, what does MADD think about this sentence?” A reporter for CBS asked.

“I for one am satisfied.” Amy said “I know that MADD’s reputation has been tarnished by this psychopath, and unfairly so. This is the position I have taken ever since the murders started.”

“Sir, did Judy Jones receive any sentence for trying to kill a policeman?” Someone from BBC asked. Roger was surprised to see someone from England in the crowd. I guess this story got more publicity than I thought.

“No, that was taken out during the plea bargain.” Mikhail answered. “One more question.”

“How do the families of the victims feel about the sentencing?” Roger saw the battered wife of Dan Helway, the parents of Eddie Jasper, the sister of Jack Percks all leaving the courtroom.

“I can’t speak for them. You’ll have to ask them.” Roger said. “No more questions.” Roger, Mikhail, and Amy stepped from the podium, and went back to the station. Also in the car was Killer.

“Jesus Christ,” Killer said, “that’s not an interview, that’s a mob.”

“I thought so too. I am not used to being bombarded by reporters.” Mikhail said.

“Well, look at it this way. Justice is served. Good has once more triumphed over evil.” Roger said, smiling.

“Agreed.” Amy said.

“Anyway, where should we go now?” Killer asked.

“Home.” All three replied in unison.