Okay. This has got to be the oddest thing I've ever written in terms of structure. I hope you like it.

The idea came from my new obsession, the Japanese singer Gackt. I was making a banner for my signature of GaiaOnline, and I used a picture of Gackt to represent Simon from Never Run Again. My friend and I were drooling over it, and I thought the person I got it from said it was Gackt, so I looked him up on Photobucket and found a similar picture of him. So we began obsessing over him. Then I looked him up on wikipedia, and found out that he and Hyde (the lead singer of L'Arc-en-Ciel, another Japanese band) were rumored to be having a relationship, but the rumors were loose and there's nothing concrete about it. I found a Gackt video on YouTube with images of the two because the person who made the video thought the lyrics of the song could have been written by Gackt for Hyde.

And so this was born. It's told through IM conversations, emails, and bits of story, as well as songs.

This is completely mine, songs and all. The conversations on the IM never happened in real life; I just put the timestamps there to make it look real. And because time plays a role in this story somewhat.

The hard copy on my computer is color-coded by the usernames in the IMs, but that won't show up here. Also, FictionPress doesn't support parenthesis and such, so other than the timestamps and sections that appear within the body of emails and in the chunks of story are supposed to have brackets around them instead of parenthesis.

Also, you should be happy I got this here! They computer I write on isn't taking any type of disk, and it's not connected to the Internet. So the only reason this is here right now is because my dad and I brought the other computer down here and networked it to this one. Actually, I networked it; my dad just carried it down. XD

Cameos: These all occur in the IMs. TheCheeseTurkey9 is my best friend. .wiccan (with underscores instead of periods; FictionPress doesn't support underscores, either) was a troll on GaiaOnline that plagiarized my story Desperately Wanting and someone else's stuff and just caused general mayhem. And one of the usernames is my sister's on GaiaOnline. However, she wishes to remain anonymous as to what the username is.

Anyway, enjoy.

---

Welcome. Today is Friday, February 3rd, 2006.

»mrtickles (9:45:03pm): that song is obviously written for dieter. the lyrics are so heartfelt, who else would it be for?

»KillMeLater (9:47:43pm): Just because the lyrics are heartfelt doesn't mean it's for Dieter. I could write a heartfelt song and it wouldn't be for my friend—I don't like him that way. Can't the person Dimitri's singing to be female? Can't they be –anyone-?

(CrouchingTiger has entered the room)

»mrtickles (9:49:17pm): the lyrics never specify a gender. sure, the assumption would be that the subject is female, but who knows? personally, I wouldn't really mind if they turned out to be gay.

»CrouchingTiger (9:49:32pm): OMG i luv this song!!!11!!! teh guy that sings it is H-O-T

(CrouchingTiger has left the room)

»KillMeLater (9:51:54pm): I'm sure none of us would mind if they turned out to be gay. XD Possibly the two hottest men alive right now, the two greatest singers, I think. But come on, how much of a long shot would that be? What are the chances that out of all the girls fawning over both, they would choose each other?

& Crouching – Thanks for the insight. I think we all can agree on that, even if it's the only thing. XD

»mrtickles (9:53:00pm): we can dream can't we? rofl. maybe dimitri's web site has background on the song?

»KillMeLater (9:53:57pm): I looked already; there's no description of this song. Most all of them are there, but this one isn't.

(.wiccan has entered the room)

»mrtickles (9:54:36pm): further proving my point. XD what other songs don't have descriptions? perhaps this isn't the only one written for dieter?

».wiccan (9:54:39pm): OMG THATS MY SONG!!! THE BASTARD STOLE MY SONG! PLAGERIST!!!IM GONNA SUE UR ASS OFF!!!!!!

»mrtickles (9:55:15pm): it is not your song. it belongs to dimitri stoelting and better day records. how dare you claim it as yours.

»KillMeLater (9:55:42pm): I don't remember all of the songs, but some of the others were "Kiss Me Now (Kill Me Later)" (hence my username XD) and "Break the Angel".

»KillMeLater (9:56:21pm): Wiccan, you're the plagiarist. You can't expect us to believe that "Lest We Forget"—one of the most popular songs on the radio today—was written by someone who can't even spell –your-. Don't even try to sue Dimitri Stoelting; if you do, you will be crushed. And I mean that literally. Not by me in person, but by all the fans of the song and the man that you have now insulted by claiming it as yours.

».wiccan (9:57:09pm): U PEOPLE R STUPID. THE SONG IS MINE. MINE!!! U WILL SEE WHEN I SUE TEH ROTTEN BASTARD!!!

»mrtickles (9:57:45pm): let's leave this moron to rant by herself. i, at least, don't need to hear this.

»KillMeLater (9:58:01pm): Agreed, tickles. We can continue this argument another time.

(mrtickles has left the room)

(KillMeLater has left the room)

---

"Hello and welcome to today's Entertainment News. Today is Monday, February sixth. Tonight, we will be talking to musical artist Dimitri Stoelting about his new album, Next Up." In the background, the crowd cheered. "He will be performing his new hit single 'Lest We Forget' right here on this stage." With his free hand, the newscaster made sweeping motions to the stage he stood upon. The crowd cheered louder, the screams high-pitched as the singer's female fan base flocked to see him live.

Dimitri stood just behind the stage, in the backstage area. Around him, people bustled about, making last-minute preparations for his performance. He leaned against a wall, staring out into the studio, packed with screaming fans. As he took a sip of water from a bottle he held, he scanned them, so oblivious to him in more ways than one.

A tap on his shoulder alerted him to the presence of one of the producers, tailed by two giggling teenaged girls with bright red faces—winners of a contest to meet him. He smiled, watching as they dissolved before his blue-eyed gaze.

After the general entertainment news had been covered, he disengaged himself from a conversation with the two winners and prepared to go onto stage. Straightening his camouflage convoy jacket, he took his acoustic guitar from a stagehand and pulled the strap over his head. When he heard the host announce his performance, he walked onto the stage and took a seat on the stood in front of the microphone. Then he began to sing, hot beneath the spotlight shining straight on him, ignoring the screaming and sobbing crowd.

---

Would you remember the first time;
Everything before and after?
Could you tell me about the summertime--
the first time, the first time.

Remember the sun, bright in the sky;
The waters below, crystal clear?
Reflect on our breathing,
steady and slow, steady and slow.

Lest we forget those moments together,
joined as one, as hot as the weather.
Remember my eyes, my face, and my mouth.
Forever, forever,
remember, remember.

I can see you now, even as I
sing this slow, pathetic song.
Tell me you'll be here soon,
to let me remember,
to make me remember.

Lest we forget, my love.
(Keep me as long as you can.)
Lest we forget, my love.
(Keep me as close as you can.)
Lest we forget…

---

As the last chord faded into silence, the audience cheered. Dimitri smiled as the lights in the studio came on again. He rested his arm on the edge of the guitar as he waited for the red light on the camera to disappear, marking a commercial in the show. Then he handed his guitar off to a stage hand and took the offered bottle of water. By the time the red light on the camera came on again, he was seated in a chair opposite the host.

"If you're just joining us," the other man said into a camera aimed at him, "I am Tom Badelt, and I am here today with singer Dimitri Stoelting. Dimitri's new album Next Up hit stores two weeks ago, and was already Number One the day it was released. How does it feel to have an album in the top spot?" He turned to Dimitri.

"Just like it did the last time you asked me," Dimitri replied, smiling. He crossed his legs. "Seriously, though, it's a great honor to be where I am, up with the big-shots of the music business."

"I'm sure we'd all agree that you are a big-shot of the music business," Tom pointed out. "As you mentioned, this is the second album you've had that reached number one within the first week of its release."

"Yeah. My first album took a couple of months to catch on, and a few more to make it to the top fifty, even. With each new record, it gets harder and harder to live up to the popularity of the previous one. As an artist, you start to get really insecure about your own abilities and it wears on your consciousness relentlessly until you say, 'What the hell, I'm bored' and you sit down and write something."

"Speaking of writing," Tom said. "Your songs often reach into the soul of whoever's listening to them. They open up new emotions and renew old ones. Is there a special process you go through when writing? Do you aim for songs that have great impacts on people?"

"I wouldn't say I 'aim' for it." Dimitri uncrossed his legs and sat back in the chair. "You can't sit down one day and say, 'Okay, I'm going to write a song that makes people cry.' It doesn't work like that. If you write from the heart, from the deepest depths of your soul, there will be at least one other person in this world that feels the same way. Even if other people don't understand exactly what the lyrics mean, they can find some way to relate them to their own life, and I think that's what writing music is all about: You can give listeners words to express what they are feeling. Even if they can't put it into their own words, there is something there to show they aren't alone in what they're going through."

"Good answer." Tom looked into the camera. "When we come back, questions from the audience."

Dimitri stared out over the audience for the duration of the commercial. He rested his head in his hand, watching as producers prepared audience members to speak. When the show returned to the air, he looked toward the first inquirer.

"Hi," the woman said. She appeared to be in her late twenties or early thirties. "First off, I'd like to say I love your music. I had a baby boy about two months ago and I named him Dimitri after you." The audience laughed; Dimitri smiled. "I'd like to know what you like to do in your spare time. Are you really as normal as you seem?"

"Normal?" Dimitri replied. "What's normal? Congratulations on the baby, first of all. In my spare time, I like to read, write songs and music, swim, run. I abhor golf and those types of things, but I'd drop everything for a game of pool. Am I as normal as I seem?"

"I guess so," the woman replied nervously. She sat down.

The next inquirer stood. "Um, hello, Dimitri," she said. She looked a bit younger, possibly late teens or early twenties. "I'm sure a lot of us want to know: Who was 'Lest We Forget' written for?"

"Who do you want it to be written for?" he asked in response, grinning.

The young woman smiled sheepishly, her face turning red. "A lot of us think it was written for Dieter Vedvik. Is that true?"

The audience was too busy cheering to notice Dimitri's grin fade. Almost immediately, he caught himself and replaced the grin with a forced smile. "If that's the rumor," he said, "then why should I spoil it for you? It's fun to watch you try to figure it out."

---

Welcome. Today is Monday, February 6th, 2006.

»mrtickles (5:02:45pm): did you see entertainment news at four? try to convince me that wasn't a false answer.

»KillMeLater (5:10:34pm): Wow. That was really unexpected. Not the question, but the answer. Maybe there is some merit to your theory, tickles. It sounded to me like a dummy answer, as if he wanted to avoid the real one. Interesting…

»mrtickles (5:11:04pm): aha! i finally got the all-knowing killmelater to admit she was wrong! XD

»KillMeLater (5:12:00pm): You amuse me, tickles. Now I need to go listen to the song and see if I can find it in there. I'll have to listen to the other songs that are lacking descriptions, too.

(Unforgettable has entered the room)

»mrtickles (5:12:59pm): same here. if you find anything, tell me; i'll tell you.

»TheCheeseTurkey9 (5:13:15pm): Who is Dieter? The two of them sound like brothers by their names, but not by how you people talk about them.

»KillMeLater (5:13:34pm): Sounds like a plan.

(mrtickles has left the room)

»KillMeLater (5:13:58pm): Dieter Vedvik is the lead singer of the band Until I Fall. Rumors have been circulating that he and Dimitri Stoelting are having a…romantic relationship. So far, nothing has come up to prove it. That's what mrtickles and I are looking for.

»TheCheeseTurkey9 (5:14:23pm): Oh, I love Until I Fall. Dieter's the name of the lead singer? I'm new to this Dimitri guy, but I'll keep my eye out for "clues" as well. XD

(Unforgettable had left the room)

»KillMeLater (5:14:47pm): Thanks.

---

Send date: Monday, February 6 (5:01:34pm)
To: (email address removed)

Dieter,

Did you see Entertainment News today? Holy shit, it was wild. I don't know why I didn't anticipate the question about "Lest We Forget". Or maybe I did, but it was still a shock. My fans aren't as oblivious as I thought they were.

But they still don't know. They can't know. It seems, however, that they want you and I to be together. Why? I have absolutely no idea. But they seem pretty open to the entire concept. I guess they can see the chemistry we have, both onstage and off—except they haven't seen us together in that way. No one has, and I can't help but think it's better that way.

I want to tell them, though. They deserve to know. Even if it destroys their dreams and our careers, they should know. They're the reason we are where we are now, and they deserve to get something back. Maybe this is too much of a "something", but at least it is a something, and it's bound to get out sooner or later. Tell me what you think of it.

With love,
Dimitri

PS: How long until you're back?

---

"Dieter, you stud!" Grady yelled from the front of the bus. Dieter heard the metallic tapping of his drumsticks on the metal sink in the kitchen. "Is there something more to you guys' friendship? Should I start sleeping on my back?"

Forcing a joking smile, Dieter sat down on his bunk, pressing the On button on his laptop. "I would never touch you," he replied, laughing. "You're disgusting."

"Just because I'm not pretty like Dimitri?" Grady leaned on the top bunk, watching his band mate's face as it was lit by the laptop screen. "That's not very nice."

"You're the one who asked." Dieter shrugged. "Now go away." He moved his finger across the touchpad, opening the Internet and logging in.

"Fine. Four hours until our next stop." He made his way back to the front of the bus.

"All right. Thanks." Dieter ran his hand through his hair as he waited for his email to load. He couldn't help but smile when he saw Dimitri's email address, but the expression was short-lived as he realized what the message must be about. As he read it, he bit his thumb, hoping Grady didn't decide to come back while the page was still open.

---

Send date: Monday, February 6 (5:08:10pm)
To: (email address removed)

Demi,

I saw it. Why wouldn't I have? And it was a way to get Grady to shut up. I'm starting to wish I was sharing a bus with one of the guitar techs now.

Anyway, Grady's ragging on me about it now. He's being sarcastic, but I can't help the feeling that he is just as curious as everyone else is. I mean, he's been living with me in this Godforsaken bus for almost three months—he has a reason to be curious.

I don't think we should tell. Not straightforward, at least, and not yet, either. Wait until all this hype settles down, what with your new album and my tour ending. And if we do decide to make this public, we should give clues instead of flat-out saying it—it would be more fun that way for all of us, and if no one guesses for certain or asks, then it doesn't need to be public. Don't you think it would do more than ruin our careers? It could ruin us, and I don't want that happening. Not now, at least.

As for when I'll be back, there's another four hours before we get to Sacramento. If the driver is okay tonight, we should make it back early tomorrow morning. I'll see you then.

Dieter

---

Welcome. Today is Tuesday, February 7th, 2006.

»KillMeLater (6:07:57pm): I haven't noticed anything yet. Tickles, are you online?

(mrtickles enters the room)

»mrtickles (6:13:46pm): omg, i found something! look at the chorus for 'break the angel'. i never would have noticed it, but i'm reading this book with the same code. look at the first letter of each word in the first line.

»KillMeLater (6:15:43pm): "Does it ever tease ebbed rumors?"

»KillMeLater (6:16:32pm): D-I-E-T-E-R.

»KillMeLater (6:16:35pm): OMG!!!

»mrtickles (6:17:01pm): i know! i did the same thing when i saw that. now do you believe there's something between them?

(TheCheeseTurkey9 has entered the room)

»KillMeLater (6:17:33pm): I never said there –wasn't- anything between them. XD But that…Maybe it's a far-fetched coincidence? Or a joke? The two of them know what we think about them—maybe it's a ploy?

»mrtickles (6:18:14pm): but it you look at it in context with the rest of the song, you sort of have to wonder. i mean, the song is about hidden love, before our very eyes. why can't it be a further extension of that? maybe it's a 'reaching out' of sorts, seeing how closely we pay attention. and those who do pay close attention will know the truth.

»KillMeLater (6:18:40pm): You sound like some scholar analyzing the works of Shakespeare (although Dimitri and Dieter are both comparative XD). Perhaps you're right. At the risk of getting my hopes up, you're probably more correct than I am. That's the only part of the song you noticed that's like that?

»TheCheeseTurkey9 (6:18:59pm): Oh wow. I have to go download that song now.

»mrtickles (6:19:50pm): unless lid, wit, sit, (t)hat, and map are anything, Dieter's name is the only thing that's spelled out.

(Unforgettable has entered the room)

»KillMeLater (6:20:07pm): Lol, I don't think they count. Now that I'm listening to the song more closely and in this frame of mind, I can see it. Maybe you should write to Dimitri about it? Maybe he'd reply with something?

»TheCheeseTurkey9 (6:20:23pm): That, or he'd hunt you down and shoot you. Hehe. That really is a neat thing he did, though, encoding it like that. I've never seen that done in a song before.

»mrtickles (6:20:56pm): i honestly wouldn't mind being shot by him; he would be the last thing I ever saw. XD

»Unforgettable (6:21:46pm): You guys honestly found that in BTA? Wow.

»KillMeLater (6:21:54pm): Isn't it neat?

»mrtickles (6:22:04pm): it's PROOF! XD

»Unforgettable (6:22:46pm): So finding that proves it to you? Dimitri and Dieter are having a relationship?

»TheCheeseTurkey9 (6:22:58pm): It's proof enough for me, and I barely know the guys.

»mrtickles (6:22:59pm): yep! killmelater?

»KillMeLater (6:23:03pm): Oh fine, yeah, it's proof for me.

»mrtickles (6:23:13pm): i still can't believe I found that.

»TheCheeseTurkey9 (6:23:20pm): I know! Me either.

»KillMeLater (6:23:30pm): Quite the find. I applaud you, tickles.

»Unforgettable (6:23:46pm): Are you guys going to go shop the theory around, or will it stay between you three? Do you think it's polite toward the two of them to go spreading this discovery?

»mrtickles (6:23:56pm): i'm going to take killmelater's advice and email Dimitri, see if he responds. i don't think it's polite to them, so i'm going to wait and see if i get a reply.

(Unforgettable has left the room)

»KillMeLater (6:24:12pm): That guy was -weird-.

»TheCheeseTurkey9 (6:24:21pm): Ha, he only replied on 46-second markers.

»mrtickles (6:24:54pm): i agree, killmelater.

---

Send date: Tuesday, February 7 (7:36:59pm)
To: (email address removed)

Dear Dimitri,

I would like to say first of all that I adore your music. Even if my situation oftentimes differs from the meaning of the song , it still touches me in ways few others can. This email is about something I found while looking over lyrics to your song "Break the Angel". If I am wrong or have the wrong impression, I apologize.

Anyway, I'm debating on whether or not to beat around the bush with this. But here goes: The first line of the chorus of "Break the Angel" says the following: " Does it ever tease ebbed rumors?". I'm sure you already know that; it is your song, after all.

Okay, I'm really nervous about asking this, if you can't tell.

If you go back and take the first letter of each word, you get this: "Does It Ever Tease Ebbed Rumors". This spells "Dieter". And I'm sure we both know the rumors about you and Dieter Vedvik.

I just wanted to know if this was done purposefully; and if so, was it as a joke, or are you and he really in love? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. If you would, though, I'd at least like a reply to know you read this. It doesn't have to be much, just something so I know. Even a period would work.

The only place this is posted is in a chatroom here: URL removed . Someone in there by the name of Unforgettable suggested that I ask you about this before saying anything else about it. If you don't want us to, I can have the other people I spoke with keep quiet about it.

Honestly, though, if I may be so bold to say, if there is something between you two, you may want to do something about it before someone else makes the lyrics public. I care about how you and he feel if there is something there, and even if there isn't. I don't want to hurt you by forcing you two to reveal anything you don't want to, and I don't want to humiliate you by spreading false rumors.

Thank you.
M.T.

---

You don't know how long
I've been watching you,
waiting for you to do
something to prove
that you feel the same about me.

You can't tell how pleased
I was to hear you shout my name.
There isn't only one reason
I went with you that night.
To hear you scream, to feel you
wrapped around my body--
That wasn't it.

You could pull out my heart,
but yours would come with it.
You could yank at everything I am,
but you would stretch as well.
You could walk away forever,
but you'd be leaving yourself behind.

Because it doesn't matter what you do,
just as long as I have you to screw.
It doesn't matter what enters your head,
as long as you frequently enter my bed.
You could kiss me now, stay the night,
hold me close, hold me tight--
then kill me later, however you wish.
And it would all be worth it.

Take everything from me,
but know it all remains.
Leave me stained and bloody,
but know I'm clean as rain.

Tear me into pieces,
but know I'm whole inside.
Kiss me now and kill me later,
but know I will not hide.

You could strip me to my skin,
but you wouldn't look away.
You could leave me in the rain,
but you would shiver with me.
You could walk away forever,
but you'd come running back in time.

You could kiss me now, stay the night,
hold me close, hold me tight--
then kill me later, however you wish.
And it would all be worth it.

Kiss me now, kill me later.
Kiss me now, kill me later.

Strip me, hang me, beat me, leave me,
but know it doesn't matter.

Kiss me now, kill me later.
Kiss me now, kill me later.

---

"You have just heard 'Kiss Me Now (Kill Me Later)', the next single from Dimirti Stoelting's new album Next Up. Speaking of the album, we here at WCAR are giving away―"

The DJ's voice abruptly cut off as a thumb jabbed the radio dial. The station's number was replaced by the time: 7:46pm. Dimitri swore at the radio, which refused to play anything but his music. Every station he flipped to, he heard his voice, whether it was a song or a replay of his words on Entertainment News­ that day. He couldn't believe he'd said that. Why had he thought it would make the media shut up? It seemed as if they got even more annoying. And if they knew he was meeting Dieter in less than fifteen minutes, he would never hear the end of it.

He leaned his head into his hand as he stopped at a traffic light, hoping his face was obscured enough that no one would recognize him. When the light changed to green, he had to resist pressing the pedal all the way to the floor, but once the moment passed, he was once more on his steady, legal way to Dieter's large house, in the hills around the city.

The building overlooked the Pacific Ocean, with a cliff and private beach surrounded by nothing but nature and silent security sensors. The large bay windows facing the shore let in the light from the sunset during the summer, but in the winter months, it let in the clear night sky, complete with stars and moon.

The turrets at the top were Dimitri's favorite place in the whole house. It was where Dieter kept his family heirlooms, old pictures, and other memories he wished to forget. He had cleared out one of the turrets so they could sit there together and just talk, out of the way of his servants and away from any semblance of modern life. They could sit and gaze out at the scenery at any angle they wished through the full-circle windows, or pull the blinds and turn on the light for a secluded paradise of peace and relaxation.

As he pulled up in the driveway of the house, currently just a silhouette against the dark sky, he finally let himself relax, knowing no media could get inside without a personal invitation from Dieter himself. A silver convertible sat in the driveway—Dieter's car. Dimitri smiled, stepping out onto the pavement. When he knocked on the door, a servant answered a few seconds later as if she had been waiting there for someone to knock.

Inside, the servant left to find Dieter, leaving Dimitri in the sitting room. After a couple of minutes, Dieter came into the room, his eyes lighting up as he spotted Dimitri. With long strides, Dimitri covered the twenty feet between them and threw his arms around Dieter's neck, holding him tightly. He wasn't much younger than Dieter by year, but the way he clung sometimes dropped him back to a teenager.

"I missed you," he whispered, his eyes closed as he took in the sweet smell of his lover for the first time in three months.

"I know." Dieter pulled back and took Dimitri by the hand. "Come on." He pulled him up the grand staircase and down the left wing of the house, finally bringing him into a bedroom and closing the door behind them. Then he moved Dimitri's hand above his head, pushing him back into the wall while he used his free hand to bring Dimitri's other arm above his head. He held both his wrists crossed against the wall with one hand, the other resting on Dimitri's waist before moving to tickle his stomach.

Dimitri laughed and writhed between the wall and Dieter's body. He struggled to free his wrists, loving the effect the lack of control had on him.

---

Welcome. Today is Tuesday, February 7th, 2006.

»mrtickles (8:12:12pm): i emailed dimitri about 40 minutes ago. he hasn't replied yet.

»KillMeLater (8:12:34pm): Do you know if he even checked his email tonight yet?

»mrtickles (8:13:07pm): do i look like i would know? rofl. i like to wonder what he's doing right now. dieter came back from his tour today, didn't he?

»KillMeLater (8:13:33pm): Yeah. I have to go take a shower. I'll check back in an hour to see if he replied. Will you be here?

»mrtickles (8:13:46pm): i should be.

---

The date on the check had read June 4, 2005. But that didn't matter anymore. They had the pool to themselves like the bribe had aimed for. They only hoped no one decided to come check on them—but the payment should have covered that as well.

Dieter had only planned on going for a midnight swim with Dimitri. They were on vacation together, at a show in Florida to perform together, staying in the same hotel in close rooms. A midnight swim seemed better than the false winter created by the air conditioning in the rooms, and it was fun as well.

But as Dimitri climbed out of the pool, his body shining in the dim light, it became something different. Dieter watched as the younger man sat down beside him, a certain indescribable hunger in his eyes—not exactly lust, but not an entirely innocent look either. And he found that the strangest thing had to be Dimitri's expression, wide-eyed with curiosity.

Slowly, he leaned in and kissed Dimitri on the lips, disappointed to see his eyes close as he neared, but knowing the action was a good thing. He didn't know what he had been expecting, but soon he was moving with Dimitri to the floor, his hands moving to restrain the younger boy by the wrists. His body reacted stronger than it had with any woman he'd ever been with, and he found his mind set wholly on Dimitri.

He knew Dimitri was as new to this experience as he was, and as they slowly worked toward the release of their tension, they experimented, looking for what worked and what didn't. By the time their lovemaking was over, Dieter felt like he had ten more albums' worth of songs he could write—he was confused as his breathing slowed, uncertain of so many things he could barely tell one from another. What had they just done? What would it lead to in the future? And the most troubling of all: Would it only be a one-time thing?

---

Welcome. Today is Tuesday, February 7th, 2006.

»KillMeLater (8:49:46pm): tickles? Are you here? Damn, the date thing gets annoying after a while.

»mrtickles (8:50:23pm): i know, right? yeah, i'm here.

»KillMeLater (8:51:01pm): No reply yet?

»mrtickles (8:51:24pm): not yet.

---

Dimitri raised a cigarette to his lips, staring up at the ceiling as he drew in a breath around the filter. Letting out a smoke ring, he smiled at Dieter, who sat upright beside him, the blanket drawn around his waist. "That was amazing," he said.

"Only because it's been so long." Dieter looked down at him, wrapped in an old quilt.

"Maybe." He took another drag off the cigarette and let the smoke come out his nose. "Has Grady said anything else?" he asked after a moment.

Dieter shook his head. "I think he's pretty much forgotten about it. Or at least he's got a good put-on."

Dimitri looked away, blowing another cloud of smoke out his nose. He was distracted, his eyes distant.

"What's wrong?" Dieter asked, reaching out as if he were going to lay a hand on his lover's shoulder.

"Someone found your name in 'Break the Angel'," Dimitri replied slowly, rolling his head on the pillow to meet Dieter's eyes. Their expression changed slightly, withdrawing.

Dieter set his jaw briefly before he said anything. "You can't have expected it to go unnoticed, Dimitri."

"I know," he replied, taking another drag off the cigarette. "I guess I just…wasn't prepared for it. It was on an Internet chat room site—just a small one. I asked the people there if they were going to say anything, and the person who found it said they would email me before doing anything else."

"Did they know it was you?" He reached for Dimitri's hand and brought the cigarette to his lips.

"Of course not." He watched with admiration in his eyes as Dieter drew in a long breath.

"You said the person emailed you. Was this recently?" Smoke came out of his mouth with each syllable.

"Earlier today." Dimitri nodded.

Dieter reached under the nightstand beside the bed and brought out a laptop, sitting it on the bed between he and Dimitri and pressing the On button. "Check your email," he said when it had booted up.

Dimitri logged in and clicked his mailbox, then opened the email he thought was the most likely to be the correct one. Silently, he and Dieter read it over.

"I think we should tell the truth," Dimitri said, rolling onto his back when he finished reading. "I trust them not to tell."

"But what if they're lying?" Dieter's eyes were apprehensive.

"It's going to come out anyway." He took the last drag off the cigarette and put it out in the ashtray on the bedside table. "They're right—it's better that we do it ourselves than have someone else do it for us."

Dieter sighed. "I'm worried about what it'll do to us," he admitted quietly.

Dimitri pushed himself up and kissed him deeply. "I won't stop loving you," he said. "No matter what."

"It's not socially acceptable," Dieter persisted.

"Who gives a damn?" He kissed him again. "Listen," he went on quietly, "would you rather bring it up ourselves so people know we accept it, or do you want it ripped from us at gunpoint?"

Dieter thought for a moment, then smiled and pushed Dimitri back onto the bed, straddling him as he said, "Since you put it that way—" he kissed his throat "—I guess we can tell them."

---

Send date: Tuesday, February 7 (9:04:36pm)
To: email address removed

Dear M.T.,

Thank you for your letter, from both Dimitri and I. This is Dieter typing, because while my fingers are shaking more, my thoughts are a bit clearer. We have been trying to decide how to reply to your letter, and we figured the truth was the best way; it will come out eventually anyway.

What you said is true. My name is in Dimitri's song "Break the Angel," and it was intentionally put there not as a joke, but as a sort of…I don't know. The song is about our relationship, the hidden, subliminal messages we give to see if people pick them up. Congratulations on finding it. Honestly.

I hope that is what you wanted to hear. I also hope you will keep your word and listen closely to this: Do not tell anyone. Please. You can forward this to the other members of the chat, but do not post it in the actual chat. Make sure they know not to say anything to anyone. We are holding you to that—we told you the truth, and we hope you will appreciate that and keep this quiet.

Dimitri and I will be thinking of a way to make our relationship known. But until then, stay safe, happy, and wholesome.

Dieter and Dimitri

---

Welcome. Today is Tuesday, February 7th, 2006.

»mrtickles (9:10:32pm): omg! killmelater! i got a reply! they replied!

»KillMeLater (9:12:45pm): Are you serious? What did it say? Tell me!!!

»mrtickles (9:13:34pm): hang on a sec. they told me not to post it on here. i'll forward it to you.

»KillMeLater (9:13:41pm): Okay.

»mrtickles (9:13:53pm): okay, it's sent.

»KillMeLater (9:17:57pm): OMG! Dieter replied too? Holy crap! And they gave a straight answer, too! OMG OMG OMG!!!

(Unforgettable has entered the room)

»mrtickles (9:18:24pm): i know! it's so cool! i'm saving it. XD but honestly, i'm happy they gave an honest, straightforward response.

»KillMeLater (9:18:46pm): We'd better not talk about it too much.

»mrtickles (9:18:59pm): yeah.

(TheCheeseTurkey9 has entered the room)

»KillMeLater (9:19:36pm): …

»mrtickles (9:20:24pm): rofl, if it's not about dimitri and dieter, we have nothing to talk about.

»KillMeLater (9:20:49pm): WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO INTRIGUING?!

»TheCheeseTurkey9 (9:21:01pm): You got a response? Holy jeez! Forward it to me?

»mrtickles (9:21:24pm): okay, just a sec.

(TheCheeseTurkey9 has left the room)

»KillMeLater (9:21:45pm): Hey, that Unforgettable person is here. Hi!

»Unforgettable (9:22:04pm): Hello. Were you pleased with the response?

»KillMeLater (9:22:48pm): I am. I'm glad they're finally going to put the rumors to rest for good. I'm happy for them. I think they're a really sweet couple, now that I think about it. They always seem so in-tune with each other when they perform together. I guess now we know why. Rofl.

»mrtickles (9:22:57pm): if we check your profile, unforgettable, will we be pleased?

»KillMeLater (9:23:03pm): What do you mean, tickles?

»Unforgettable (9:23:05pm): Possibly. ;D

(Unforgettable has left the room)

»KillMeLeter (9:23:10pm): O

»KillMeLeter (9:23:11pm): M

»KillMeLeter (9:23:11pm): G

»KillMeLeter (9:23:12pm): !!!

»KillMeLeter (9:23:14pm): YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!! How did you know, tickles?

»mrtickles (9:23:24pm): a hunch. i wondered why he was so shifty. XD

»KillMeLater (9:23: 59pm): BUT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO TELL ME I WAS SPEAKING TO DIMITRI STOELTING IN A CHAT ABOUT DIMITRI STOELTING?! OMG, I can't believe that. I'm shaking. This is like, the best day of my entire life.

»mrtickles (9:24:12pm): calm down, rofl. don't have a heart attack. i'm shaking too right now. you weren't the one who thought and asked it. XD

»KillMeLater (9:24:43pm): OMG, I hope I didn't yell at him at all. Or offend him in any way. O.O

»mrtickles (9:25:58pm): don't worry about it. he's probably having a good laugh right now.

---

"Hello and welcome to Entertainment News. Today is Thursday, February ninth." Tom Badelt stood on a brightly lit stage, a microphone in one hand and note cards in the other. "Jumping right into our top story tonight: A new document has surfaced on the Internet concerning the rumored relationship between Dimitri Stoelting and Dieter Vedvik of Until I Fall. This email message was posted in Web forums frequented by supporters of the two, either separately or together, and has spread to almost every fansite and Web forum in the course of its two-day stint."

The email was displayed on a screen behind Tom, screen shots from different Web sites switching as he spoke. On each one, the username and email address were blurred out, but with the centered blur, the beginning and end of the name could be seen: The…9.

---

Welcome. Today is Thursday, February 9th, 2006.

»mrtickles (4:03:12pm): are you watching entertainment news? thecheeseturkey9 leaked the email!

»KillMeLater (4:04:04pm): I know! I just about wet myself when I saw that! The rotten traitor!

»mrtickles (4:04:35pm): i wonder what's going to happen now?

»KillMeLater (4:04:57pm): Tom just said Dieter and Dimitri are going to be on after the commercial! OMG! I'm going to wet myself, I know I am. Grr, that makes me so angry!

»mrtickles (4:05:12pm): it's back!

»KillMeLater (4:05:12pm): Look at them holding hands! Aww! How sweet is that?

---

"We are now back with Dimitri Stoelting and Dieter Vedvik. Welcome, gentlemen."

Dieter squeezed Dimitri's hand, nervous. He kept his head down slightly, and his mouth firmly closed; he wouldn't have been able to say anything if he wanted to. Dimitri looked to be enjoying the show, his eyes alight despite his own nervousness.

"Now, we hear you have an announcement to make." Tom handed the microphone to Dimitri.

"Okay," he said. "We weren't planning on doing this for a little while, and our method would have been a bit more extravagant, but this email ended up plastered everywhere, so what can we do? Anyway, you know all those rumors about Dieter and I?" He looked at Dieter as the audience cheered. When they settled down, he went on: "You can now hear directly from me and Dieter that most of them—no, I don't perform barefoot sometimes because the spotlights tan my feet—are true." He couldn't hear what Dieter whispered into his ear as the audience erupted in applause.

---

»KillMeLater (4:09:34pm): YES!!! They finally did it!

»mrtickles (4:09:40pm): this is the best. i'm so happy for them.

»KillMeLater (4:10:03pm): I know! Dieter still looks a bit uneasy, but at least he's smiling now.

»mrtickles (4:10:12pm): they're going to perform?! i'll bet they'll do 'break the angel'.

»KillMeLater (4:10:39pm): Is that Grady Matthews in the background? Until I Fall is there? I'm so glad to hear they aren't having any problems in the band.

»mrtickles (4:11:01pm): this isn't over yet; it's barely begun. they'll have a lot to face. but for now, let's listen to the music. XD

»KillMeLater (4:11:11pm): Yes, let's.

---

Do you know?
Do you know it like I do?
Can you feel?
Can you feel it like I do?

To be hiding, just out of sight,
searching for a way to make it easy on us.
Taking our time, waiting for a chance.
Can it be? Could it be?
Does this game appeal to me?

Watching cars pass, people pass,
wondering if they know,
staying below the radar.
Can they really be so blind?
Has it ever crossed their mind?

Falling to my knees,
all this noise overpowering me.
Saving me and hurting me.
So beautiful.

Does it ever tease ebbed rumors?
Does it awaken dormant fear?
Can it break the strongest angel?
Can it cost your final tear?
Will they ever know the difference?
Will they let us disappear?

Before their eyes, yet still so far away.
Summer in the winter, night within the day.
Capturing all sentiment, paint a canvas black
to hide among the darkness, a secret, silent plaque,
adorned with golden letters, stark in bright contrast,
reading, "For taking me away, for making it last."

Falling to my knees again,
all this noise washing over me.
Hold me and protect me.
So dangerously close.

Does it ever tease ebbed rumors?
Does it awaken dormant fear?
Can it break the strongest angel?
Can it cost your final tear?
Will they ever know the difference?
Will they let us disappear?

The lonely broken angel,
flying into endless night,
forever lost, forever blessed,
still not knowing what is right.