He Who Hesitates is Not Lost

One Shot

A/N: Ok, this is my third attempt at a story on this site. I realize I'll proabably never be able to write another long story, so I tried a one-shot and this is what I came up with. I hope you like it! Please tell me what you think.

I stood by my locker waiting for my boyfriend of eight months. He was a couple minutes late today and he knew I had to get to work; men, so clueless.

A few minutes later, I saw him approach and all my previous anxiety melted away. We both smiled as we wrapped our arms around each other. His familiar scent made my body turn to mush but he soon pulled away, only to plant a soft kiss on my cheek. I looked at him as his head moved closer to me. I started to panic as he lips came closer and closer to mine. At the last second, I pulled away. I heard him slightly groan as he stepped back. The look in his eyes held that question again- Why won’t you let me kiss you? I only shrugged and dropped my head. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to kiss him but something was holding me back. I wasn’t scared of him, per say.

“Ellie, are you ever going to let me?” He asked and I shrugged once again.

“It’s not that I don’t want to-“

“I know. Come on, let’s get out of here.” He then took my hand and led me out of the school.

On Friday, I had a few friends over to eat pizza and watch a movie. We did this every third Friday of the month. The tradition started a long time ago, but that’s a story for another time.

As the movie was playing, I couldn’t help but notice how my best friend Claire was macking on her boyfriend Jim. It didn’t bother me too much, but apparently it was distracting my boyfriend and giving him ideas. I felt him lean down to whisper in my ear-

“Come on Ellie.” It didn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out what he wanted. I sighed and turned my head to look at him.

“I’m sorry Gabe, but I can’t.” He just nodded and continued watching the movie.

About halfway through, I got up to get a drink and Gabriel followed. He let me get a drink before he started talking.

“Why won’t you let me kiss you Ellie? If you gave me a reason I would respect it.” I just looked at him and saw how frustrated he was.

“I know Gabe, but it’s not that easy.”

“It just kills me to see other couples displaying their affection when I can’t kiss my own girlfriend!” I started massaging my forehead because I felt a headache coming on.

“Now just isn’t the time.”

“Well, you don’t have much time left because if you’re not going to open up to me then this relationship isn’t going to work.” He stopped when I looked at him, “I care about you, Ellie, but I don’t know what else to do.” I just nodded.

“So, are we over?” I asked, praying it wasn’t. I really wanted him to understand but I couldn’t find the words to explain myself.

“No... I just think we need some space. Talk to me when you’re ready.” With that statement, he got his coat and walked out the door.

When Gabe left, Claire said good-bye to Jim so that we could talk. My parents would be home any minute, so we decided to go up to my room.

After I shut the door, Claire wasted no time asking questions.

“So, he broke up with you because you won’t let him kiss you?” She asked and I fervently shook my head no.

“He said that we needed ‘space’.” I explained and she just rolled her eyes.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I just hope he knows what he’s doing.” I nodded while sitting down on my bed. Claire sat across from me on the vanity chair.

“What should I do?”

“Just tell him, Ellie. I’m sure he’ll understand.” I just shook my head.

“I’m afraid he’ll think I don’t love him, but you know that I do. I want to kiss him but...”

“I know. Just try to see it from his point of view. Your not kissing him is already giving him doubts about your feelings.” I hadn’t thought of that. What was I going to do? I wanted to kiss Gabe so bad, but I didn’t want to be hurt again.

The following night, Claire convinced my to go to Jim’s house where his band was playing. She said it would help me take my mind off things and I eventually gave in.

His house was in complete chaos.

Even though the band was in the backyard, a bunch of people were in the house talking, drinking, and making out. I instantly felt uncomfortable. I didn’t know this was the gig of the year.

I stuck close to Claire as she guided me to the backyard and right in front of the stage where Jim’s band was currently playing a song. I quickly forgot about all the people behind me as I started moving my body to the music. His band wasn’t half bad.

During a short intermission, Claire left me to get drinks. I stood firmly in my spot so we wouldn’t lose our places. We were dead center. A good chunk of the people in the crowd had the same idea as Claire so the backyard slowly cleared. I was thankful for the fresh air and elbow room. Unfortunately, my bubble was once again invaded when a guy came up behind me.

“Hey, I saw you dancing and I kinda liked it.” This guy was obviously drunk so I just ignored him, “Hey! I’m talking to you.” I slowly turned around only to face the one guy I’ve tried to avoid for two years. My heart beat picked up and my breathing became rapid and irregular.

“Jason, could you please leave me alone?” I asked, but instead of being a gentleman and stepping away, he just moved closer- too close.

“You know I don’t want to leave you alone, Ellie.” He slurred and I instantly stepped back, only to bump into the stage. Before I knew what to do, he had grabbed both of my shoulders and roughly planted his lips over mine. My hands immediately went to his chest to push him off but he was much too strong.

The harder I pushed, the more intense the kisses became. I was about the give up and succumb to his attack when I felt him being ripped away from me. My vision was blurred due to the tears, so it was hard to make out who was currently beating up my ex-boyfriend. I soon felt a comforting arm go around my shoulder followed by Claire’s soft but worried voice.

“Come on, let’s go home.” I could only nod as she led me through the throng of people. Everything after that was a complete blur.

The next morning found me groggy and dirty. I know Jason had only kissed me but I could still taste him and it wasn’t pleasant.

After thoroughly brushing my teeth and showering, I walked downstairs where I saw a huge breakfast on the kitchen table. My eyes widened in shock as I saw Claire emerge from the kitchen.

“Did you make all of this?” I asked.

“Most of it; your mom helped.”

“She knows?!”

“Well...yeah. I had to Ellie.” My mouth was agape but she just smiled, “It’s ok. She trusts that you didn’t do anything bad at the party... but, she would rather you not go to anymore.” I sighed. Oh well, parties suck anyway.

“So, who pried what’s-his-face off me?” I asked once we had sat down to eat.

“Jim. I swear all he saw was red.” I smiled. He was a really sweet guy.

“I’ll have to thank him later. By the way, was Gabe at the gig?”

“No. Jim told me he had to work.”

“Does he know?” I asked hoping the answer would be no.

“No, but I‘m sure he will tomorrow; you know how fast news flies at school.” My head dropped and I suddenly lost my appetite. I really didn’t want him to know but that seemed impossible. He would know the second he walked into school.

Sure enough, the moment I stepped foot inside school, I could hear people talking about what happened. I just ignored them and quickly made my way to first period.

I didn’t see Gabe until third period and I really wished I hadn’t. All I could see in his eyes was regret, pain, and anger. His gaze never left my body. I felt so uncomfortable during class that I was tempted to leave.

I about yelled for joy when the bell rang. I was almost out the door when I felt someone gently grab my elbow. I turned my head to see Gabe giving me an unreadable expression.

“We need to talk.” I just nodded as I made my way to my next class.

Before Gabe and I temporarily ‘separated’, we would sometimes go to this empty classroom after school just to hang out. I knew he would be there waiting for me.

The second I walked into the door, he enveloped me in a tight hug.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. God, I’m so sorry Ellie.” I just buried myself deeper into his chest. I really didn’t want to let go.

A few minutes later, we pulled apart and sat on the heater by the windows. He was currently massaging my hands as I explained to him what happened.

“That sick bastard... how could he have the audacity to do that?” I just shook my head.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so closed-off. I just didn’t know how to tell you.” I needed to tell him; I had to. His expression told me he was ready, so I began to spill my secret.

“Two years ago, Jason and I went out for about four months. He was really sweet and everything, but when the third month rolled around, he started to ‘expect’ things from me, if you catch my drift.” I looked into his eyes only to see a blaze of furry, “Of course, I never did but he would get so angry with me. A few times I thought he would hit me... he only did it once, thankfully.”

“Once is way more than enough, Ellie!” I quickly shushed him while I continued my tale.

“So, I thought about doing what he wanted and when I actually built up enough courage, I went to his house only to find him with another girl.” Instead of seeing more anger in Gabe’s eyes, I saw sympathy and pain, “I went to Claire’s house in tears and she explained to me that it was a good thing I had caught him. ‘At least you didn’t lose your virginity to a jerk.’ Was what she said. I know she’s right, but I still felt guilty that I had driven him to that.” Gabe squeezed my hands.

“She is more than right, Ellie. It didn’t matter if you had done that, he still would’ve cheated on you. I’ve know Jason for a long time, and he hasn’t changed one bit.” I just nodded and lowered my head, “So, why does that make you afraid of me?” He asked.

“You’re my first boyfriend since him and I didn’t want to end up in the same position. I thought if I kept you at a distance, you wouldn’t want those things from me. I knew you wouldn’t cheat on me; that quality just isn’t in you,” I saw him smile at this, “but I was also afraid to get too attached like I did with Jason. If we broke up, I didn’t want it to hurt as bad.” He cupped my chin and made me look at him.

“If I wanted those things, I would have left you a long time ago. That should tell you something about me.” I smiled a little and looked into his light gray eyes.

“I know, I tried to tell myself that but I didn’t want to take that chance. I didn’t want to lose you.” He smiled while dragging his thumb down my cheek. A lone tear rolled down my cheek and he was quick to brush it away.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked.

“I just never thought you would be so understanding.” I smiled as more happy tears cascaded down my face.

“Well, from now on you know we can talk about anything. Just, don’t close up on my again, ok?” I simply nodded while the last tear fell. A few moments passed before Gabe pulled me closer to wrap me in a comforting hug, “I’ll never ask something of you that I know you’re not comfortable with...ever, I promise.” I nodded into his chest before he pulled away. He cupped my chin again and looked deep into my eyes.

“I love you, Ellie James.” My eyes widened and he only smiled.

“But how can you if we haven’t even kissed?” He just shook his head while still smiling.

“You can still be in love with someone without kissing them.” He chuckled and I followed suit.

“It seems awful silly of me to think otherwise. Besides, look how far we’ve come without it.” He gave me a crooked smile and I blushed for reasons unknown to me.

“It’s almost been nine months and we’ve lasted this long without one. What does that tell you about us?”

“That we can still love each other without it.” Now his eyes widened.

“So... you’re saying you love me?” He asked with pure hope in his eyes.

“Yes Gabriel Sullander, I love you.” His smile went all the way to his eyes. He leaned a little closer to me and for once, I didn’t pull away.

“May I kiss you, Ellie?” My only reply was to lean forward and plant my lips on his smiling mouth. It was short and sweet but I wanted more.

He pulled away a little to look in my eyes.

“If I knew kissing you would be like this, I would have done it a long time ago.” I confessed and he went back to kissing me. This time, it was more passionate and tender. His one hand swept through my hair and played with some strands in the back while his other hand massaged my knee. His hand in my hair gave me goose bumps as I lifted one hand to rest on his cheek.

After a few minutes, we parted and could only smile at one another. However, there was still one thing nagging me.

“What about when we graduate? We’ll be going to different colleges and who knows when we’ll- “ He cut me off with his fingers to my lips.

“We’ll worry about that later. Come on, I’ll take you home.” With that, we hopped off the heaters and walked out of the school- hand in hand.

A/N: Please review! I would greatly appreciate it.