The Killerizer

Darkness. It’s night-time in City-opolis, the bustling major city. But a different type of darkness had settled on this city…a…darker…kind.

In every kindergarten, church and playground, dark figures sell killer drugs that ruin your life just by looking at them. Murderers and rapists form clubs and societies for their hobbies and there are daily scheduled mass riots……things were...dark. Very Dark. Extremely Dark. Coruscatingly dark. That’s right. I have a bigger and better vocabulary than you.

But one man…no…one creature strives to bring JUSTICE and FREEDOM back to the people of City-opolis, by donning a super-costume made from hyper-super-alien technology and beating up petty criminals in it. One super-hero stands against the darkest of darknesses. He is…THE KILLERIZER.

A big drug deal is about to go off. But this is one deal that won’t poison the lives of innocent kindergarteners! As the fat and cruel drug-lords sit at their seedy table in a dark and gloomy building, they do not expect their plans to go wrong…

BAM! The ceiling explodes as a darkly-clad figure bursts through it. He lands on the table, crushing it beneath his powerful black boots.

“What the hell?”

“Shoot him!”

But the bullets simply bounce of the Killerizer’s bulletproof skin, ricocheting back into the evil criminals who fired them. Those still standing, are dispatched by having their necks ripped off.

“What are you?” A survivor chokes in horror, as the Killerizer washes the blood and gore off his black gloves.

“I’m the Killerizer.” He says plainly.

“And I’m here to take it to the limit.” Then he smears the thug’s head against a brick wall with his foot.

But the job isn’t done…The Killerizer leaves the room by smashing the door into infinitesimal pieces with a single finger. Blackly-cloaked figures huddle around a glowing red pentragram that is chalked on the floor, and a large photo of the president is posted on one wall, with a target posted over his face. On another wall is a map of the world, with the words “To Conquer” written over it. And, on each of the figures’ arms, a nazi-armband is clearly displayed.

“This is worse than I thought it would be. A lot, lot worse.” says the Killerizer aloud in his hoarse, manly voice, dramatically narrating the situation himself.

“It’s been a while since I’ve come across Nazis who plan to assassinate the president, take over the world, and open the very gates of hell themselves!” he continues.

“The Nazis who, many years ago, killed by wife, son, side-kick and puppy dog. The Nazis known as…The ÜBER-NAZIS!” the Killerizer pauses to take a breath after this dramatic announcement.

“I’m going to have to morph into my ultra-final-super Killerizing form.”

Strange colours and flashes of light surround the Killerizer, and a happy theme song plays in the background.

“Rooooaaaaar!” Roars the Killerizer, hunched over, as though in great pain, or possibly struggling to contain the ultimate power of his ultra-final-super Killerizing form.

Then he explodes outwards, growing taller and wider, his arms and legs expanding with rippling muscles.

“You should have picked a different city to lay your plans in, you reprehensible reprobates! Because,” he says menacingly, his psi-scimitars sliding out of his sleeves, shoes and collar without a sound,

“I’m the Killerizer. And I’m going to Killerize all of you.”

As he utters these words, the Killerizer moves lightning fast, whirling about with the numerous psi-blades growing out of his ultra-final-super-body. The entire room, including the walls, ceiling and floor, is shredded to pieces in a fragment of a second.

As the Killerizer settles, down, a voice speaks from the shadows of the room.

“You may be the Killerizer,” it says, and a dark figure steps forwards.

“But I’m the Inquitious Inker!” The Killerizer gasps loudly.

“You! My old nemesis! So you’re behind all of this! I thought I killed you when I threw that mountain on you!”

See issue 94 – Alp of Fury

“Hahahaha! Foolish Killerizer, that was only a clone I managed to switch places with in the last minute! A clone of my identical evil twin brother, that is!” says the Inquitious Inker, with a derisive laugh.

“Of course! It all makes sense now! You’re the leader of the Über-Nazis!”

“Hahahaha! Well done, my nonsensical nemesis! But now that you know I survived, I’ll have to kill you to hide my dark secret!”

The Killerizer’s face darkens.

“And exactly how do you plan on doing so?” he asks, a menacing tone in his voice.

“With this!” The Inquisitious Inker pulls out a large rifle-like weapon.

“Oh no! It’s the Subatomic Disparticleometer!” exclaims the Killerizer, “the only weapon in the universe that can penetrate my bioglorbical mecha-armour, which was given to me by my alien friends from Planet Zerog-24!!”

“Yes! And I’m going to use it on you after revealing my evil plan!”

“You see,” the Inquitious Inker continues, “I plan on opening a portal to hell, and enlisting some demons to help assassinate the president! With him gone, no-one will be able to stop me! I’ll use the demons to take over the world, after which I’ll bring my good old friend the Führer back from the dead with my evil magical powers! And then the pair of us will rule the world for ever!”

“Oh no! I can’t allow that to happen!”
“You won’t be able to stop me, because I have the Subatomic Disparticleometer! The only weapon in the entire universe that can penetrate your bioglorbical mecha-armour!”

The Inquitious Inker raises the Subatomic Disparticleometer and fires a shot at the Killerizer, which hits him straight in the chest and explodes.

“Hahahaha! Now that you are dead, no one can stop me! Haha!”

But the smoke clears, and reveals the Killerizer, still alive and well!

“Oh no! You’re still alive!”
“Yes! Luckily, I took some Anti-Subatomic Disparticleometer pills before I came here! I have my super-powers of foresight to thank for that!”

“Curse you, Killerizer! See if you can survive this!” The Inquitious Inker pulls out a bazooka from his cloak and fires it at the Killerizer. The blast sends our hero hurtling through several walls, until he lands in a street, outside, otherwise unharmed.

“Oh no! The Inquitious Inker is still in there!” the Killerizer says out loud, “how will I stop his evil, murderous plans!” All seems lost, but then the Killerizer uses his super-powers of planning to make a counter-plan to the one the Inquitious Inker has! But will it be enough to defeat the evil villain’s plan?

“Aha! Using my super-powers of planning I have made a plan to stop the Inquitious Inker!” the Killerizer announces, a heroic look on his flawless face.

“He won’t be able to open the gates of hell, assassinate the president, take over the world and resurrect Hitler – if he’s dead!”

So our hero saunters back to the house, rips it from its foundations, and hurls it into the sun.

“Nooooo! Daaaaaamn youuuu, The Killerizer!” says the Inquitious Inker just before he is vaporized by the sun.

“Hot enough for ya?” The Killerizer quips, before limping off to his secret-base, saving a kitten from a tree while he’s at it.

THE END

Next Issue – Attack of the Bee Keeper!

How will our indestructible hero fare against the evil super-bee armies of the Bee Keeper? Find out, in next week’s EXPLOSIVE issue!