“I’ll keep you my dirty little secret…”

Chapter One:

Everyone has a secret; it may be a secret lie, a secret habit, even a secret identity. Some have all of those. I happen to know a certain person, someone really close to me, that does in fact posses all three of those attributes. It happens to be someone that I hate very much. Every day I watch them as they act like they’re perfect. It disgusts me. I watch them as they eat at lunch, talking so loud that their voice is heard above all the others. Their voice is like nails scratching on a chalkboard. They dance, they sing, they talk on the phone, they eat, and all the while I’m watching from a displaced view, repulsed, because I know their secrets-all of them-each and every one. The secret lie that they posses is who they are. Their secret habit is pretending to be some one that they aren’t. The hideous secret identity is the person that they pretend to be. I hate this person. I hate them. I hate everything about them. I grow to hate them more and more every day, like a growing trend similar to hula-hoops or skirts with leggings. I hate every breath they take, every move they make, and every word they utter. Their life is like poison to my soul. I fear one day I will kill them. Should I perform this blissful stunt, would anyone even miss this person? Would anyone, by chance, even notice that they were gone? Maybe one day I’ll see; maybe one day I’ll do a little experiment…

---

I have a little problem with my life; I have just one complaint. Actually, I don’t even deserve to have that complaint; after all, the problem arose from my own fault. See, if I hadn’t tried to be “hot” in middle school, I never would have gotten hurt. When I finally told my step-dad, I shouldn’t have told him that I kept my “dirty little secret” for so long. What I should have done is told my mom instead. So you see, it’s all my fault that my step-dad…well, likes me. I guess you could argue that “I was only a kid,” or, “It’s not my fault,” but really, when you look at the facts, I was old enough to want to be looked at by other guys, and it really is my fault. That’s why I don’t tell anyone. After all, who wants to be the slut that seduced her own step-dad? So I guess my life is just fine, in its own little way. I have no reason to cry, I have no reason to cry….

---

“I have no reason to cry, I have no reason to cry.” I keep muttering that simple phrase to myself, trying to hold back the bitter tears that now soak my pillow. I’m holding myself, knees curled up to my chest. I’m in pain, but hey; what can you say when you brought it on yourself? All I can do is lay there until forced to surrender to sleep. Note that I left out the “blissful, dream-ridden” part of that. Those terms don’t exactly apply to my sleep, but, once again, I can’t complain.

I hear John scuffling his feet on my worn carpet, desperately trying to find his leather belt on my bedroom floor. The foot steps stop as he spots what it is he’s looking for, bending down to get it. I can feel my body involuntarily tensing as he creeps closer. I know it’s not his fault that he likes me, but I can’t help but to hate him all the same. I stop whispering my “life motto” as he comes right up to the edge of my bed, leaning down to kiss my tear-sodden cheek. He strokes my hair with gentle hands, as if we were lovers. I don’t get it. How can he be so rough and cruel one second and then painfully tender the next? Maybe it’s just his nature, but either way my throat constricts tighter as he leaves a trail of soft kisses down my neck. He suddenly stands up and stalks out of the room. A new flood of burning tears cascades down my face and into a puddle at the edge of my pillow. I feel the salty liquid slide past my mouth, cleansing it where moments ago it had been smothered by John’s lips. I pull my blanket tighter around my bare body, counting out three minutes before I silently slip out of bed and get dressed. I then slip back in-between my sheets and wait for sleep to claim my consciousness.

A/N: I do not own the lyrics at the beginning of this chapter- “‘I’ll keep you my dirt little secret…’” Yeah, that’s from the song “Dirty Little Secret” by All-American Rejects. Just so you know….so you don’t try to sue me or something…not that you’d get much money anyways, seeing as I’m broke :/