Blue Sun

Are you lost, the boy in the hallway asks. You already walked down here five times and keep coming back with that funny face. The one that looks like you don't know where you are.

No, I say. I know where I am. I'm at school with the other kids where we learn things. I walk back to the cold, red bench where I wait. Then I walk down the hallway again, past the boy who looks at me funny and laughs because he thinks I really am lost.

Keeping things easy to understand is hard. Me says I'm the only one in the family to go to an American school all the way from kindergarten. She wants me to finish and learn everything, like an elephant. Or a very wise monkey. The three wise monkeys that see, speak, and hear no evil. Me wants me to know no evil. So I try to think more. Thinking makes people smart, so I think about colors and how they feel. I don't like thinking about math, even though I'm good at it. I like to think about unreal things like thinking about unreal things. If you can't see it or touch it, it's not real, right? You have to be smart if you can think about unreal things.

I like to walk. Walking helps me roll out my thoughts in a straight line, so I can see them clearly. Then I can move the puzzle pieces and draw chalk lines on the sidewalk so I know where things are supposed to be. Everything fits. I walk back.

But then I start to think again. I told the lady at the counter at the supermarket about what I think. You're too young to think about things like that, she says. I give her the money and she gives me my chocolate bar. Go back to school. Don't think about grown-up things yet. You still have to learn how real things work before you think about unreal things. I wave good-bye and she waves good-bye too.

I started walking to school. Unreal things, like the blue in the sun? How does knowing how the sun is yellow help with knowing the inner blue of the sun? Sometimes, there is Blue in the sun. It's hiding under the Yellow because Blue is happy with being inside when Yellow is too loud and wants to get out. Blue doesn't care about showing off what it has to the world. Blue doesn't mind being forgotten, because Blue knows itself. Then I start thinking about what the lady at the counter said. Why am I too young to think about happiness? I already know what it is.

It's the Blue in the sun. That's happiness.