Never Dress in Drag

My life has always been simple. At least, it was until I met him, and from there until now, my life has been anything but simple.

Go to class, go to work, go home, study, sleep, and repeat. For the past two years or so, that’s how it’s been. Occasionally, I’ll go out to a movie on a Saturday night, or go home to visit my family on holidays. Most people would say my life was boring, but for me, it was just perfect. I’m a quiet guy and not a huge fan of parties. Actually, social gatherings in general scare me a bit. I guess you could call me antisocial, or shy… but I hate to think of myself that way. Although, perhaps that’s the reason I’ve never had a girlfriend.

In high school back home, my family was always wondering when I’d meet the girl of my dreams. My brother, Joseph, had grown up with, and dated in high school, his wife. First love, only love; that’s how it worked back home. Everyone grew up together, everyone married right after high school and everyone quickly settled down with kids. I suppose a lot of small towns are like that. Maybe that’s why I moved to the city. Don’t get me wrong, I do like having a very structured life, but I also don’t want my life planned out for me. The only thing that would have changed, if I had stayed home, was the sermon every Sunday. Even then, the minister basically cycled through every sermon he’d written.

Yes, I guess I was definitely ready for a change. Right after high school, I packed up and moved. My mum was worried about the violence in the city and that I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself. I think she also wanted me to stay close to home. My father warned me about all the temptations the city offered. Only Joseph, surprisingly enough, supported my decision to move. I guess he must have understood that I wasn’t meant for small town life. He didn’t know how true that was.

When I first moved into the city, I was a bit intimidated. I enrolled in the closest community college, and went job hunting after I’d found an apartment. I didn’t really go out much, not until after I found my job. I really liked my job then, and I still do. It was only by accident that I’d found the little bookshop.

‘Moments’ was a tiny little building tucked in between an Italian restaurant and a coffee shop. I was walking down that way, heading for the nearby grocery store, when the help wanted sign caught my eye. I’d been job-hunting for about a week, and was starting to run out of the money my parents had given me upon graduating. I decided to chance it and walked in…

“Um… hello?” I called out as I walked into the store.

“Hi,” replied a hidden, but cheerful, voice. “Are you here to apply for the job?”

“Yes…” I said hesitantly, unsure about this disembodied voice, no matter how nice she sounded.

Suddenly, a head peeked out from behind a stack of books. “Yay! On my first day here too!” Her short, black hair stuck out in every direction, and her dark, almond-shaped eyes seemed to sparkle with joy. “Aw! You’re adorable! You are so totally hired!” she squeaked upon seeing me.

I stared back at her, a little dumbfounded.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m Ayumi,” she said, sticking out a hand to shake. How she managed to not knock over any books is still a mystery to me. “I just bought this place. Finally, no more leasing for my little shop!”

I smiled, confused and a little uncomfortable. “My name’s Daniel, I – ”

“Wonderful! Okay, you can start right away. Right now, we need to try and organize everything, then…”

Meeting Ayumi really helped me adjust to the city. Although she was very chatty, I didn’t mind too much; it meant I rarely had to speak. We never get too many customers, but enough to keep the shop going.

The only problem I’ve ever had working there was when I lost a bet to Ayumi. It was over something stupid: whether or not a customer would buy a certain book. Since she’d been in the business for longer than I had, she was good at guessing what kind of people would by what books. If I had won, she’d have let me off work for a week with pay. But I lost.

It was a Saturday and I didn’t have a class that morning, and when I walked in first thing in the morning, she held out a frilly, short, white and light pink dress. I went into the back and changed. Then, she had the nerve to sit me down and do my make-up. It really didn’t help that I happen to look a bit feminine or the fact that I look younger than I am. I remember her giggling excitedly, squealing something about how cute the dress looked on me, and how the make-up brought out my baby blue eyes perfectly. I shudder just thinking about that day.

Guys hit on me that day, thinking I was a girl and girls just squealed delightedly. Ayumi joined all the girls in their giggling as soon as she saw the annoyed look on my face. I guess I am exaggerating a bit. All in all, the day wasn’t too bad. At least, for a while it wasn’t. Then, he walked through that door. I was standing on a stepladder, shelving some books when I heard a whistle…

I immediately jumped off the ladder and turned around to glare at whoever had just whistled at me.

“Aw, I was enjoying the view, Blondie, why’d you get down?” he said, running a hand through his already mussed brown hair.

Blushing profusely, I managed to mutter, “I’m a guy,” and turned back around to finish my work.

“I figured that out from looking up the dress,” he replied smugly.

I could still feel his eyes on me and turned again. I was met with a smirk and amber eyes glinting mischievously. “Do you mind? I’m trying to work here,” I said, trying not to sound embarrassed. Unfortunately, he saw right through that.

“Yes, and as I said before, I was enjoying the view,” he repeated. “Besides, I’ll wait around ‘til you’re on your break. I’m thinking we could go for a coffee– ”

“Daniel, you’re on break now,” Ayumi sang cheerfully from the front of the store.

I sighed, “But I’m not fini- ”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said called back.

“Daniel, is it? Awesome, let’s go then. My treat.”

I shook my head, a prominent blush across my face and went to the back room. A moment later, Ayumi stuck her head in.

“I’m not going with him, especially not dressed like this.”

She smiled kindly. “Sorry, Danny, I thought you would have liked a date. I asked him to come by the store today.”

“I’m not gay, don’t ever call me Danny, and it wasn’t my idea to dress in drag… ”

It was obvious she was trying not to laugh. “Guess I shouldn’t assume. Jon’s a great guy though, and you could use some more friends out here…”

I glared up at her from my spot on the floor. “Why do you think that?”

She shrugged and went back out to the shop.

After that day, Jon came back in a few times. The first time he came in after the dress incident, he apologized.

“Guess I came on too strong. I still think we should hang out some time,” he had said.

I think that was all it took. We started to talk a bit; he wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought he’d be. Sometimes we’d go for lunch together, and sometimes he’d tag along with Ayumi and I to the movies. Over a few months, we’d gotten surprisingly close. I realized I was developing a bit of a crush on Jon. I still blame Ayumi for it all; she was the one who planted those thoughts in my head. It didn’t make any sense. I mean, I’d always thought I was straight. Sure, I was never the guy that went after every girl, but why would that mean that I… Well, I never obsessed about girls like everyone else… but I just… I don’t know. I guess I must have always sort of known but it never occurred to me. My parents always taught me that homosexuality was a sin, but really, how can it be?

Once I realized what I felt for Jon, all these thoughts went through my head. I couldn’t tell anyone about it. I suppose I could have talked to Ayumi, but at the time I just couldn’t. Eventually, he seemed to realize that I liked him. I remember him coming into the shop and taking me out for a coffee. We ordered our drinks and sat down.

“You like me,” he said bluntly.

I blushed, looking down at my decaf. I didn’t want to lie to him, but if I admitted that I did like him, I’d have to accept something about myself and I just couldn’t do that.

“You don’t have to say it. It’s obvious. For the record…” he started.

The silence lasted too long and I looked up to meet his eyes.

“I like you too. A lot.”

And that was it. We started going out a lot, not just to the movies; and often without Ayumi. I remember the first time he kissed me. Now, what I’m about to say is going to make me sound like a little girl, but give me a break, it was my first kiss. Anyway, when he first kissed me I’d never felt anything so amazing. We had just gotten out of a concert and he was walking me home. Suddenly, he stopped walking, grabbed my wrist and pulled me into him. Jon’s a good four inches taller than me so I really did feel like a girl, but even so, it was perfect. I knew I was blushing like mad, he didkiss me in the middle of the street, but somehow I didn’t really care who saw. It was an odd feeling; to not care, that is. My whole life I had to watch every move I made in order to not upset anyone. I knew, after that one kiss, I couldn’t go back home; at least, not for a while. I’m a terrible liar, and if my parents found out, they’d disown me. Joseph wouldn’t care… right? Well, that’s what I thought. He had supported my move; he knew I couldn’t live in the country. If only I’d been right about him.

About half an hour ago, Jon and I were coming back from a night out. He’d been drinking and was getting a bit… frisky? Anyway, we’d hardly gotten through the door of my apartment before he had me pushed up against the wall with his tongue down my throat.

Then I heard a rather loud “What in God’s name are you doing!”

Jon pulled himself away from me and turned around. “Who the hell are you?” he growled.

“I thought I was his brother. But apparently that’s no longer the case.”

I wanted to say something, I really did, but I just couldn’t.

“How did you- ”

“Get in? The neighbour. I’ll be leaving now.”

Then I found my voice. “Joseph, wait,” I choked out.

He didn’t even turn to look at me. He simply walked out the door, slamming it shut behind him. I collapsed onto the floor and Jon immediately sobered.

“Daniel, baby, look at me, it’s okay,” he murmured, pulling me into his arms.

And currently, we’re still here; I can’t stop myself from sobbing. I should have known he’d react that way, how else would he have? What am I going to do? My family won’t accept me; I’ll never be able to go back home. Where does that leave me? I have Jon, and Ayumi, but really, what will I do without my family? We differ in values perhaps, but I still care about them; I still love them.

“It’s going to be okay. I’m always here for you, love.”

But what if you’re not?

AN: Okay, I don't only write M/M fics... this was gonna be about girls... but I changed my mind. Written for my English class, (there was a 1000 word limit that I've passed but I still tried to keep it short), and I realize two of the characters are repeats from my other story I've posted here. Well, I like them.. so STFU! Read and review please!