“Mommy!” the hushed call came from down the hall. I glanced up from my magazine and waited, making sure I was actually being summoned. “Mommy! Come here.”

I closed the magazine and left it on the couch, stretching out. “Bea? Is that you?” I asked quietly, not wanting to wake up any of the other kids.

“Mommy…I’m scared…” came the answer. Of course it was Beatrice; the only other girl in the house was at a sleep over. I padded lightly to her room and stood in the doorframe, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the light.

Once they did, I saw that Beatrice was curled up in a little ball at the head of her bed, covers wrapped around her. Her big brown eyes were wide and her blanket was up at her chin. “Mommy?”

“What is it, baby?” I asked, sitting down on the bed next to her.

“I can’t sleepy with out teddy.” she explained.

“Well, where is he?” I asked, unable to hide a grin.

“He’s in the underwear drawer.” a stubby little finger poked out from the covers and pointed in the general direction of her bureau.

“Why is he in there?” I asked, tucking a strand of curly, caramel hair behind her ear.

“Because I gave up him!” she screeched. I chuckled before putting a finger to my lips.

“Not so loud, your brothers are sleeping.” I scolded lightly. “Now, enlighten me. You ‘gave up’ him?”

“Yeah, didn’t you give up your teddy bear?” she inquired, her little head cocked to the side.

“You’re my little teddy bear.” I explained, kissing her on the nose. “How am I supposed to give up something as cute as you?”

“That’s not what I meant!” she exclaimed, pushing my face away. “We’re supposed to give up our most favoritest thing.”

And suddenly it registered. Today was Ash Wednesday. Of course I already knew that, but I didn’t know that she knew. I took her to 9 o’clock mass with me while her siblings were in school. Throughout the mass I held her and she rested her face on my shoulder, contenting herself with sucking her thumb. It hadn’t occurred to me that she was taking in every word, saving it for later.

I felt tears prickling at my eyes and I brought my thumb up to her forehead, where a few smudges of ash were left over. “My little dear. Little Bea.”

“What is it, Mommy?” she asked, suddenly concerned when she saw a tear running down my cheek. I brushed it away quickly.

“Nothing, just… did you give up your teddy for Lent?”

“I think so. The guy said today that Jesus spent lots of days in the desert and didn’t eat. So we’re supposed to give up stuff too. Like he did, sorta. And it’s s’posed to be the stuff we like a lot. And I wasn’t sure if I still had to give something up, cuz Daddy’s not here. But then I decided I’d give up teddy just in case.” she babbled. “But now I can’t sleep cuz I always have teddy, and now I don’t. And he’s all lonely in the drawer and I keep thinking about how sad he is in there, and he probably thinks I don’t love him anymore because I left him, but there was a good reason that I did it!”

“Oh my, hush. Let me ask you something.” I said and went over to the drawer, pulling her little bear out. “Does he look sad?”

“He looks lonely.” She pointed out.

“Would you feel better if he spent time with me? So he wouldn’t be lonely?” I asked.

“Well, I dunno. I maybe wanna keep him. But I gotta give something up, don’t I?” she questioned.

“Sure you do. But it doesn’t need to be him.” I pointed out.

“I’m just afraid he’ll be sad that I don’t love him anymore.” she sighed, and reached for him. I handed the bear to her and she settled down in her bed, but continued to watch me.

“Just because you’re not with someone…it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them. If you need to be away from them for a little while, you’re allowed, if you’re doing it for the right reasons.” I told her.

“Like Daddy.”

It wasn’t a question. She watched me for a while before getting up on her knees. She kissed me lightly on the cheek. I couldn’t hold back my tears, and they spilled over. She watched me with maturity beyond her age.

“I think you need teddy more than I do.” She thrust him towards me.

“Thank you, baby.” I smiled, kissing her on the forehead as she lay down.

“Night-night, Mommy.” she turned on her side, and moments later she was asleep. I smiled again, more than a little surprised that a little ordeal over a bear had moved me far more than it moved her. But somehow, I had the feeling that wasn’t the absolute truth. My little girl was capable of more than I could imagine.